[video]

[thats_brutal]

[The video cuts on to show a large man with long black hair leaning FAR too close to the camera, squinting as he tries to figure out the strange device. He can deal with his Deth-iPhone but this? This shit is fucking confusing]

Is this thing on? I don’t think this is on. What. How is this even supposed to… I don’t think this is working. [There are a few beeps as he hits a few buttons] Hellooooo? Is this even on? I don’t know how this fucking thing works. This is… [mutters] Stupid fucking tablet

[He sighs heavily, the breath seems to go on forever before he hits another button]

What does that blinking light mean? Is it… oh. It’s on.

[He clears his throat. He’s got some Very Important things to say after all]

Hi this is Nathan. [pause] Nathan Explosion. [pause] From Dethklok. [He pauses, waiting for people to react the way they normally do. You know. Scream. Cry. Kill themselves. Chicks ripping off their clothes and throwing themselves at him. The usual.

When that doesn't happen he squints at it again]

No really is this thing even fucking on?

Comments

[5055034455]

It's Biblical.

[WAY TO GO, MAN. HAVE A NICE TRIP TO HELL.]

And your name is far less douchey, I take it?

[thats_brutal]

[...] So... so's Nathan. But it's still a less douchey name than Saul.

[What is this conversation, seriously?]

[5055034455]

Nathan what?

[He can see your name on the display, Mr. Explosion.]

[thats_brutal]

[Fuck you, Mr. Goodman. Fuck you.]

Nathan Explosion, weren't you listening? [GOD! He said it already, asshole]

[5055034455]

Mr. Explosion.

With all due respect — [by which he means none] — that is quite possibly the most douchey name I've ever heard in my life.

[thats_brutal]

[His face contorts in anger and he snarls]

Well no one fucking asked you.

[5055034455]

[That is not a good look.]

Well, hey, I didn't ask you, either. I thought we were just having a moment. Sharing opinions like that with someone — that's how you form a bond, man.

[thats_brutal]

[Oooooooooooooh he gets it. He rolls his eyes]

Listen, no matter what the fucking tabloids say I'm not gay. Like, at all. Ever.

[5055034455]

Damn.

[SO MUCH MOCK-DISAPPOINTMENT IN ONE SYLLABLE.]

That's too bad. You're exactly my type.

[thats_brutal]

[He GLARES at the man]

There's another dude I was talking to earlier who's, like, a smaller weirder version of me. I don't know if he's into that, though...

[5055034455]

Yeah? What's his name?

[thats_brutal]

What the fuck do I look like? An automated name.... giving... thing [Okay that got away from him. He quickly adds] I'm not a fucking dating service

[5055034455]

Okay, man. Okay. Chill. I'm not asking you to play Cupid for me. Anyway.

[A brief pause, as Saul tries to figure out where he wants this conversation to go.

Rather, where he wants it to go that won't end in a face-punching.]

So what do you do, Mr. Explosion? Dethklok is... what, exactly?

[thats_brutal]

[He drops his voice into almost a growl, clenching his fist and staring darkly at the camera. Hey did the lights behind him actually dim a little when he did that? Must be your imagination]

Metal

[5055034455]

[Saul knows what he means.

But.]

Oh, wow! You're a smith? I've always wanted to meet a smith. Can you make like, swords and shit?

[thats_brutal]

[He narrows his eyes, glaring at the guy and snarling]

Death Metal. It's music, fucktard.

[5055034455]

Music?

I thought that was the sound of... I dunno, shrieking babies on airplanes and rusty nails against chalkboards with some electric guitar and drums thrown in.

[thats_brutal]

[He snorts]

You've probably only heard half-assed shit that passes for metal.

[5055034455]

Ah, well. Maybe someday I can hear your not-half-assed metal.

[thats_brutal]

[He smirks]

You can't handle it.