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[deductus]

[HELLO EXSILIUM IT IS A WONDERFUL DAY. Absolute shame you can’t see it because the only thing visible on the screen is a close up of a tortoise’s butt slowly wiggling across the screen as Clyde plods along. You’re welcome. However, sound still works and you can clearly hear a British man (Sherlock) speaking.]

--don’t quite feel like drawing it out today.

[So, dear Exsilium, even though you can’t see it (and be thankful you can’t), a rather scantily clad lady of the night is straddling Sherlock with a riding crop clenched between her teeth since she’s using her hands to unhook the bra she’s wearing before tossing it aside just as the sound of someone else entering the room occurs.]

Sherlock are you -

[Unfortunately, it’s tossed aside just as the door opens and Joan enters the room. Also unfortunately for Joan, the bra smacks her right in the face.

Clearly this lady of the night has very good aim.

Cue the silence, ladies and gentlemen. Oh, and have some wiggling Clyde butt as well.]

...Really? Really?

Hello, Watson. Care to join us?

[There’s a considerably frosty silence that occurs until there’s sounds of someone picking up their clothes.]

I’ll come back next time, unless you feel like paying extra.

[The sound of heels clicking against the hardwood clatter past, but not before pausing, and there’s a partial image of a manicured hand plucking a very lacey bra that’s hanging from Joan’s crooked finger visible between the gaps the tortoise butt is leaving as he makes his way across the communicator. HOOKER OUT.]

I mean, really I shouldn’t be surprised anymore but that was not what I expected when you gave me a duplicate of your house key -

[There’s the sound of a chair being shifted as he shuffles back to where he’s got his lockpick so he can free himself.]

I’m sure you’ve noticed the people’s less than enthusiastic response to us here following that incident last month. I believe sex workers are the key to rebuilding positive relations.

I’m going to stop you right there because I am not having this conversation with you. In fact, I’m just going to leave.

[Whether or not this conversation is going to continue doesn’t matter as by this point, Clyde has made his journey over the screen and kicks the communicator to the ground. You can now see Joan standing in front of Sherlock while he sits handcuffed to a chair, shirtless. Both of them turn to look at the source of the noise and Joan shuffles over to check it out.]

Sherlock -- !

[There’s a look of horror on her face as she realises what just happened and then the feed cuts out.]

[ooc: red is Sherlock, blue is Joan and black is the hooker. Sherlock and Joan will both be replying to the posts, unless you’d just like a specific one! Just wait for Sherlock to pick his handcuffs.]

Comments

ACTION FOREVER NO GAME PLAN AT ALL

[deducta]

[She's still brandishing the comm device at Sherlock, red creeping onto her cheeks out of a mixture of fury and embarrassment.]

Please tell me that you didn't have this on broadcast on purpose.

[deductus]

[He's silent for a moment as he makes the last little twist... and there, he's free.]

I don't have an exhibitionist kink.

[He likes to show off his detective abilities, not his sexual abilities!]

video;

[dawningsun]

[He smirks. WHAT AN AWKWARD SITUATION.]

Is that a pet? The tortoise, I mean.

video;

[deductus]

[Sherlock's still shirtless, he hasn't seen fit to put something on just yet.]

That was Clyde, he joined me through my journey through space and time. He's less of a pet, more of an object to use.

[Clyde is totally a pet.]

video;

[deducta]

[Thank god he's not asking about the situation. Clyde is neutral ground.]

He is although I don't think either of us have called him that before.

Video;

[100hearts]

[He blinked a little at this, surprised.]

I think I've seen this played out, before.

Video;

[deductus]

Oh? How did it end?

[He stretches his arms behind him, still shirtless.]

Video;

[deducta]

I'm not sure I like the sounds of that.

video;

[freewoman]

[Have a very perplexed redheaded woman staring at the screen.]

Y'pay for sex? Couldn't get a girl on your own? [That's pretty pathetic by her standards.]

video;

[deductus]

It's generally the fastest. But the end result I was hoping for was forced interaction. [Sex was just the bonus.]

video;

[deducta]

[There's a bit of a sour note in Joan's voice when she replies. She's just really sour about the whole situation.]

He probably could if they weren't turned off by all the talking he tends to do.

voice

[gevurah]

There are children here, you know. [ So... sex workers aren't going to help build positive relations there. ]

voice

[deductus]

Perhaps your words might mean something if I intended to make my actions public.

voice

[deducta]

Something that he doesn't seem to understand. I am so sorry about that.

video;

[5055034455]

[Saul isn't entirely sure what he just saw, but it was apparently entertaining enough to warrant some hearty laughter and mock-applause.]

Wow. Bravo.

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[deductus]

[Hmm? He's quite sure there was no full on nudity seen.]

I would thank you if I was into exhibitionism.

video;

[deducta]

[SHE IS IN NO MOOD, STRANGER. NONE.]

Don't encourage him, please.

voice

[theboywhodied]

[He is not turning on the video right now no way]

...are you really sure that's the best way to rebuild trust? I've been trying to contribute and help repair---but I'm not often allowed to, and it's slow going.

You're hoping positive feelings about an intimate encounter will work better?

voice

[deducta]

[That's okay, Cedric. Joan wouldn't either.]

Just...don't encourage him. It's bad enough he's even trying.

voice

[deductus]

After an incident like the one that occurred recently, money is harder to come by for those who work in that industry. Paying for sexual services is a luxury that temporarily gets put to the side. Also, they're far more likely to hear things and knowing people like that is very useful.

video;

[mostqualified]

[ ...this looks familiar somehow. ] What on earth is going on?

video;

[deducta]

[Joan is unimpressed to the nth degree. Please send help.]

Sadly, this is something normal.

voice

[boundbyheart]

[A dry laugh.]

Maybe the key positive relations for you.

[Hmph.]

Too bad you got caught by your girlfriend.

voice

[deducta]

The last thing I am is his girlfriend.

[ text ]

[reassures]

Funding the sex trade in the city isn't going to help anything.

[PLEASE STOP BRINGING HOOKERS INTO HER APARTMENT.]

[ text ]

[deducta]

[WE ARE SO SORRY, NILL.]

Unfortunately he's not as sensible as other people. I'm sorry that you had to see that.

[video] being late to the party is still fashionable, right?

[grannyfucker]

That's the spirit! The only way we're going to make sex an acceptable profession for the incurably hot is by embracing it by the cock! [He gestures a good, hard cocksqueeze as he says it.

He then leans back with a casual grin.]

Nice turtle, by the way. How does he fit into this whole setup?

[video] of course!

[deductus]

[That is a lot cruder than how he'd put it, but he agrees.]

Exactly. Sexual desire is a natural impulse and shouldn't be considered a shame.

[Off camera he reaches over to poke at Clyde who has been turned over onto his back.]

And perhaps Clyde was upset about the lack of attention being paid to him.