[INTERACTIVE INFOMERCIAL!]

[trickstermentor]

[The following infomercial is being filmed on location on the seventh floor.]

Goooooood Evening Exsilium!

Are you being bothered in your home by unwanted guests who refuse to move on? Unable to sleep thanks to persistent bumps in the night? Are you at your wits' end? Then have no fear! Here at Urahara Shoten we have the answer to all your problems! 

Introducing Urahara Shoten Brand SPIRIT REPELLENT SPRAY SEKIREI X! 

[Behold! It is brandished at the camera with a flourish!]

One spray of this will leave you haunting free for up to eight hours, guaranteed or your money back! Or if that isn't your cup of tea, why not try our delightful Green Apple Ghost-Be-Gone Potpourri! Keep your rooms smelling appley good and banish those ghouls for 24 hours, but don't despair, each pack comes with its own refill spray, good for 10 further applications. That's 11 whole days ghost free, guaranteed! And that's not all we have to offer! Come to our premises three blocks south east of the main hold to learn more, and try our extensive range of products designed to assist you in your time of-

[At this moment, a ghost appears behind him to knock his hat off his head, and with a sigh, Urahara swings his cane.]

I thought I told you three days ago when you first partook of this immature behaviour that I wouldn't stand for it.

[With a sigh, he knocks the end of his cane against the ghost's forehead. There's an audible 'pop', a quick flash, and the ghost is gone. Urahara ruefully shakes his head and stoops to pick up his hat, dusting it off.]

I wish I could offer a guaranteed permanent exorcism service but unfortunately I seem to unable to perform those. I can promise up to three days however. Be sure to stop by the store to see what else we have to offer in order to help you deal with your pestilential poltergeists, ghastly ghosts and spooky spirits.

[The hat goes back onto his head and he offers a little bow with a flourish.]

I look forward to your patronage, good evening!

Comments

[trickstermentor]

Now that would be extremely bad salesmanship if I were to appear on the network advertising faulty merchandise, wouldn't it? I would be committing professional suicide if I couldn't guarantee that my products worked.

[ringbeast]

Yeahhh, I'm not sure this place exactly has a better business bureau, though.

[trickstermentor]

My dear fellow, I've not been in the trade industry for a century and not picked up on the importance of good business practice. It pays to have a good name and reputation rather than pull the wool over the consumer's eyes and pay for it when they boycott your services.

[ringbeast]

What do you usually sell, man? You a real-life ghost hunter?

[trickstermentor]

Household goods, amenities, confectionary and a wide selection of products designed to be of use to those in the habit of policing the extra-curricular activities of your wayward spirit. I had quite the niche market going for myself back in Karakura-cho.

[ringbeast]

Man, that sounds good, actually. You gotta shop here? I'm not sure what I'm gonna do when I run outta mayo. I don't think the stuff they have here is the same.

[trickstermentor]

Mayonnaise? I might just have some of that in the fridge; it's not Japanese but I'm told it's pretty tasty. I'm afraid I've not had the chance to get stock from familiar turf.

[ringbeast]

I dunno, man, I heard that western mayo is totally different and I'm not sure if I could deal with it...

[trickstermentor]

You are exceedingly closed minded for one so young. Life is all about experiencing the new and unfamiliar my friend. Why, if I had shut my mind off to things because they were different, I wouldn't have had nearly as much fun as I've had.

[ringbeast]

Whoa, whoa whoa. Let's not go jumping to conclusions. I'm not close-minded. I just really care about mayonnaise, all right?

[trickstermentor]

Then surely you must owe it to mayonnaise to become a discerning connoisseur of it? After all, differences are to be celebrated and studied, not feared.

[ringbeast]

Yeah.... yeah...... I guess so. If worse comes to worse, maybe I can figure out how to make it myself.

[trickstermentor]

I believe you will need eggs, oil, salt and lemon juice in order to do that.

[ringbeast]

Yeah, I bet I can get ahold of some of that. There needs to be sugar or something in there too. Something to make it sweet. I bet there's a recipe somewhere...