exsilium | [INTERACTIVE INFOMERCIAL!]

[The following infomercial is being filmed on location on the seventh floor.]

Goooooood Evening Exsilium!

Are you being bothered in your home by unwanted guests who refuse to move on? Unable to sleep thanks to persistent bumps in the night? Are you at your wits' end? Then have no fear! Here at Urahara Shoten we have the answer to all your problems!

Introducing Urahara Shoten Brand SPIRIT REPELLENT SPRAY SEKIREI X!

[Behold! It is brandished at the camera with a flourish!]

One spray of this will leave you haunting free for up to eight hours, guaranteed or your money back! Or if that isn't your cup of tea, why not try our delightful Green Apple Ghost-Be-Gone Potpourri! Keep your rooms smelling appley good and banish those ghouls for 24 hours, but don't despair, each pack comes with its own refill spray, good for 10 further applications. That's 11 whole days ghost free, guaranteed! And that's not all we have to offer! Come to our premises three blocks south east of the main hold to learn more, and try our extensive range of products designed to assist you in your time of-

[At this moment, a ghost appears behind him to knock his hat off his head, and with a sigh, Urahara swings his cane.]

I thought I told you three days ago when you first partook of this immature behaviour that I wouldn't stand for it.

[With a sigh, he knocks the end of his cane against the ghost's forehead. There's an audible 'pop', a quick flash, and the ghost is gone. Urahara ruefully shakes his head and stoops to pick up his hat, dusting it off.]

I wish I could offer a guaranteed permanent exorcism service but unfortunately I seem to unable to perform those. I can promise up to three days however. Be sure to stop by the store to see what else we have to offer in order to help you deal with your pestilential poltergeists, ghastly ghosts and spooky spirits.

[The hat goes back onto his head and he offers a little bow with a flourish.]

I look forward to your patronage, good evening!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Dear me, are you planning to turn a profit, preying on the fears of those poor souls? Isn't that a terribly naughty thing to do?

I don't see how providing a service to those who may be in need of it is especially naughty, or perhaps we have different definitions~

Your timing seems, shall we say, opportunistic~♥

[ He's stalked you on the Network, and he likes the cut of your jib. ]

Of course a truly terrible thing would be to make people think that these little friends have expanded their reach, beyond the seventh floor.

That is how one manages to get ahead in business; you look for a gap in the market and do your very best to fill it where you can.

To do such a thing would be exceedingly underhanded and make a mockery of honest business practices.

Why, I suppose you're correct.

And by "people" I certainly wouldn't be referring to my exceedingly anxious roommate. Making him think our apartment is haunted wouldn't be amusing in the slightest!

Even if I were going to try this - which I'm certainly not - surely there's no one at all who'd assist me in such an endeavor?

Well that would depend entirely on the extent of this hypothetical prank you're attempting to construct and what lengths you would be intending to go to.

For example, some people may provide a most satisfactory reaction when they mysteriously become recipients of a cryptic message on their walls written in blood. Others might respond as though it's the sort of message that someone would see before their own death, but those sort of people clearly have no sense of humour~

That is an awful idea, which I have absolutely no intention of carrying out.

Oooh, I saaaay! I've had a sudden thought. D'you think cats can become ghosts?

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