exsilium | 007 ¤ [voice]

[ It's okay, actually, totally not too much, because it's hard to give Tony Stark too much of things that he likes and because it makes him feel better about his own level of basically everything right now. He's just holding her, leaning back a little to pull her up to him, the weight and warmth of her, even though she's still cold and not that steady. He straightens when she starts to lean back, although he's reluctant as hell to actually let go, so it's a nice surprise when she just seems to want to touch him instead. They're both well within the midst of reconfirming the other one is real, which, when he thinks about it again in a few minutes, he'll find to be both sad and kind of darkly hilarious.

And oh, she seems to be - she's recent, and while he would have taken any version of Pepper that circumstance wanted to give him, it's just so much better that she's recent: it saves so much time having to get back to where things were. The proximity and looks mean that he has the time to study her in return, although when she leans forward and all that relief, god there's so much of it - well. It's only a matter of tilting his head just so. He's always been better with actions than words, despite the number of the latter he spews forth in the meantime as he stumbles around looking for the right thing to do. Right now it's just a simple kiss, actually fairly chaste and calm, for all the everything that they're both feeling. ]

[ Words, though, are all she has sometimes, especially when she knows he's not so good with them in the way he should be. So, there's the slack she takes for him, and that's okay, that's fine. Pepper is more than comfortable with that when she can actually say something, but she doesn't have that now. Which, for the moment, is just as okay and fine - so much more than fine - because he's kissing her. Surprisingly quick, very PG for Tony. Maybe she would have laughed at the absurdity, the way they were acting if she hasn't been caught up in it.

Everything feels the same, his mouth and the slight scratch of facial hair and the way he breathes-- Pepper draws back a little, eyes open to look and see and make sure this isn't going to be awkward or weird, even though the very first kiss hadn't been at all. Just natural, like this. Then, she's kissing him again, and it's much better this time, less testing and more knowing and firm.

They can talk later. She's going to make him, at any rate, but there's plenty of time to figure it out. ]

[ He's picking back up fairly rapidly, as though the physical contact is literally recharging those batteries he runs on. It's Pepper. He can't help it. There's no trace of awkwardness, weirdness on his face when she does pull back to look at him, just relief in the sort that she exuded when they hugged just a second ago. He's happy with this, with things, in a way that he hasn't been for a while now.

Happier with that, though, the enthusiasm that was there but maybe not apparent in the first kiss all pushed into the second instead, and he's holding her tight again, doesn't even care at all that they're just standing outside the door to her apartment, making out like they're teenagers just back from a war or something. He wants to verify that every line of her is like he remembers, correct anything that over-thinking may have altered, the placement of all of her teeth and the way she reacts when he slides his hand just so.

But that too, can wait. Just like the talking can. This is communication enough. ]

[ Like he would care all that much about where they are, though Pepper does. Usually. She's kind of lost a little in how he holds her, pulls her close and touches her like he hasn't been able to in a long time. Like he's forgotten how this goes between them, why they're together on the first place. She's leans into him, pliant to the demand of his fingers and his tongue, and if she's every bit as cold as she had been before, she's not now. It almost cancels out getting pulled into this world, losing her voice and feeling scared--not so much for herself as she had been for Tony.

Unconsciously, she takes a step back towards the door, hand out for balance so she doesn't stumble. Her legs aren't exactly doing well to keep up with the rest of her, and though she doubts Tony is actually going to let her go, she guides them out of habit. Just so it's a little out of the way, not taking up so much space in the middle of the hall. When she breaks for a breath, she's still looking at him, curiosity and worry and all the affection she feels present in her eyes, her face, the soft turn of her mouth.

She wants to ask— But that means taking that tablet up again to tell him, and she doesn't want to do that just yet. So, she tips forward to rest her forehead against his shoulder, tears burning a little. ]

[ Moving towards the door is okay - he barely even notices that she's repositioning them slightly, doesn't break in what he's doing but just follows her instead, like always. He always follows her.

But breath is a thing that needs to happen, reluctantly, and he pulls back similarly enough to look at her. She's expressive - she's always been fairly expressive, even when she's trying not to be. Maybe especially when she's trying not to be, but either way, he only has a hard time reading her when she's entirely composed, and while that's a large portion of the time, it's definitely not happening right now. That doesn't totally mean he's reading her correctly, although sheer force of instinct usually lands him on the green rather than in the rough.

He lets one of his hands come up to rest where her neck meets her shoulder, thumb brushing her cheek for a moment or two and then sliding back down her arm until it rests again. He's still holding onto her, she's still close, but he's already allowing for tensions to bleed back out and relaxation to trickle back in. When she comes forward again though, he just wraps his arm back around her, rests his own head against hers. There's a deep breath let out that he feels like he's been holding for months and didn't realize. ] Man, I missed you.

[ Pepper breathes with him, hands moving up his back to rest and keep him there so he doesn't get any ideas about putting too much distance between them. She needs this now, can feel he probably needs it even more. There's a short nod mixed in with the relaxing of her body, something brief and full of understanding. He'd been here longer than a day, longer than a week. What had she said before--that he couldn't last that long without her, wouldn't have any idea what to do? How wrong she'd been about that, though there's still the matter of what it is he's been doing and how much time separates them now.

What does she do to console him when she feels like she's let him down? And now, with her voice muted...

It's difficult to put a fraction of space between them so she can work out an explanation. Thank god she's quick, a master at text and even moreso now that's she's been doing this non-stop since she arrived. Pepper bites her lip, screen tilted enough in his direction for him to see. Maybe he knows already or has an idea, at the very least; there's no way she'd have gone a second without saying something to him. No way at all. ]

I didn't think this would happen when I decided. It's not, this is so impossible. What are we going to do?

[ She adds a line of question marks beneath it to punctuate the question, mouth tight. ]

[ He's certainly going to have to figure out how to retroactively encrypt certain posts he's made to the network here, if he actually remembers that things might come up. Different interactions he's had, that sort of thing. But right now he's really not thinking about how he can hide what he's been doing from her - he's thinking about how he can hide how happy he is that they're stuck here together now from her. He's not thinking about it too strongly.

When she pulls back for space, he reluctantly gives it to her, watching her type out something on the screen and then reading it afterward. He'd thought maybe she was joking - even though that would have been... not a very good joke - or one of the aforementioned reasons she might not have been talking. But, no, apparently. She really can't talk, and he's not sure what precisely to make of that. ]

When you decided? [ She just got here, most things when you first get here are just given or handed or thrust at you. Most things... ] Your weapon? It has to do with your voice? That's pretty crappy if you don't have one now. You should ask for a do-over. [ It's humor to help alleviate some of that tension she's holding. She's good at holding tension - a master at it, after years of working with him, and she'd been good at it even before that - but she's bearing a lot more than normal at the moment and he generally likes to try and lessen it when he can anyway. Of course, several of his methods tend to simply add more. ] It'll be - it'll be fine. We'll figure something out. We always do, right? So. [ Yeah. It'll be totally fine. ]

How is this fine? This is NOT fine. [ She's barely refraining from using all capitals this time because she honestly doesn't know what else to do with this. She'd been fine when she'd shown up, fine standing in the rain and trying to figure out what to do, fine asking how to find things, people who might be lost. But this is far beyond fine. This is upsetting.

It's horrible, and she doesn't like it at all. She meets Tony's eyes once before adding something else beneath the other text. If there had been tension, there's even more now--in the hard press of her fingers along the tablet, the straight line of her back and at the corners of her mouth. ]

How long have you been here? How long [ It'd be so much easier just to ask it, though when she tries (again) there's nothing at all, and Pepper's gaze falls in an effort to keep her composure, feeling particularly out of her depth. ]

[ He's just watching her type now, because it's faster, and when all of that first bit comes out he's already trying to help calm her back down. ] No I mean like, things have been - that's not going to help. It's not that bad here. It's jarring at first, but I mean... It's. Not. [ He lets his hands run over her a little bit where they're already resting, the movement hopefully soothing rather than patronizing or confining or anything like that. He's not really that good with the reassurance, he's just so overwhelmed that she's here and wants her to be happy so he can be happy with her and not have to try to hold it back so much.

But thaaaaaat... That pulls some evasion out of him, right up to the surface where it goes slick and oily across his countenance and tries to iridesce to distract her from the overall reaction. ] It hasn't been too long. It's been a while, not gonna lie, but, you know, not too much time.

[ And there, she tries again. Confirms again. Falls again, and because of all those agains, he hugs her again, if she lets him. ]

[ Even if he says he's not - not lying, not saying something that isn't the truth - she knows he is. That's the easy part, figuring out that he's evading, but it's difficult to pinpoint exactly what he isn't telling her beyond half the things coming out of his mouth. She has her own estimate as to just how long he's been here, though it's probably far off from the actuality of it, and even if she's close to pressing him about it, the fact that he's drawing her in again and hugging her and doing whatever he can to distract her is comforting. He's so good at it, distracting her when she doesn't want to be distracted.

She's not going to let it go though. Hardly that, if she can help it. Pepper leans into him anyway, a slow relaxing of her body for this, the familiarity he gives her. Her fingers curl into his shirt, gripping tight even as she shakes her head against his shoulder. It's a lacking solution to the problem at hand, but she'll give him this, whatever he needs so they can move on and function again. Be them again.

Whatever it is can wait until later, at least. Much later. She fits against him and doesn't move. ]

[ It's a skill born of natural talent and forced showmanship, learning how to distract people specifically when they're trying their hardest not to be distracted. It's actually not that difficult, being as when they're trying their hardest, they're typically allowing themselves remarkable single-mindedness, which simply makes them all the more easily blind-sided.

He allows the moment to be there, enjoys it for what it is and appreciates it, because this is nice and it's not something he was actually expecting to have again anytime soon.

But it's a hug and even though he's enjoying himself, he's also getting ... well. Bored. ] You wanna get inside? Warm up a little, maybe just get out of the walkway. Talk a little more. I mean, I can talk at you and then read, it'll be like that time you were in Thailand and your end went dead but you could still hear me, only it'll be way less irritating because I'm not with other people and free booze.

[ Maybe she's finally got her breath back by then, and he's talking again - of course, when isn't he? - so that seems to help with a lot of things she'd been struggling with. The reply's on the tip of her tongue (You would remember it like that.) since that's only one particular version, but there's space separating them when she draws back, giving him a look that says everything for her instead before turning to open the door in obvious answer to his question.

Pepper hasn't been in the apartment save for once, unable to spare the time for whatever people also lived there since she'd been concerned with finding information. Important things, priorities. She takes her time removing the jacket she wears, folding it neatly as she observes the place. It's, well. It's okay. Not the best, certainly not the worst. And by the time she's sitting, she still hasn't taken her eyes off him. Observing in that particular way, trying to figure out all the things he hasn't said and probably won't tell her. It's not going to be easy without words; how long is this going to last until he ignores her and she has to turn it around so he listens? Half listens, the Tony Stark version of listens.

She looks at her lap with relative composure now, the tablet resting atop crossed legs, and she supposes it's time to press since they're alone for the time being. ]

How long is a while? Please tell me you haven't been doing anything dangerous.

[ Things are already feeling familiar again with that look. He can't help but smile despite himself, as she turns to open the door and walk in. Her place looks a lot like his, just with, you know, less machine guts strewn about the place, and the greenery whichever of his new roommates seems to be fond of. He hasn't actually met either one of them yet, just saw the evidence of the old ones leaving and the new ones coming in after they had gone elsewhere. Jensen he knows just moved somewhere else. Tali, he's not sure about.

Regardless, it's moderately familiar if for no other reason than that the Initiative has about the same level of interior design one would expect from something called 'the Initiative' - that is to say, a hilariously disproportionate amount considering what the word means. He supposes they spend all their efforts on other things, and anyway, who doesn't love futuristic, white everything? It's straight out of a sci-fi flick.

And yes, he can tell she's watching him, and yes, he is acting like he can't, glancing around enough to establish familiarity and then returning his attention to her. It's fairly natural to sit nearby, especially since he needs to watch the tablet now, to know what she's saying. Or at least be somewhere she can easily show it to him. He sort of wishes he'd remained standing when he does read the words, though his posture doesn't reflect that, obviously. Instead, he shrugs a little bit. ] It's been a few months. [ Actually eleven of them. And almost a week. But who's counting? His mind flashes over glimpses of missions and gas attacks and wandering around until he's effectively a connoisseur of which bar to go to for what, amongst actually helping people and slowly, slowly building up a network of contacts by virtue of favors and friendly help. ] Just the same old tricks, mostly. Building stuff - took me a while but I built another suit. Works pretty well. Built a workshop outside the Hold, made some friends. Most of them have left again by now but there's some still here. I should probably introduce you.

A few months? Did you, how does that even work? I just saw you before [ Well. Time isn't all that relative here, is it? He could be here that long and be how she remembers him too, though that particular thought upsets her more than she lets on as she deletes part of what's on the screen to type something else. ]

You built a suit. Here. And you're using it. [ Which means he's fighting, which means he's putting himself in danger, and it also explains a lot of things left unspoken. Pepper wants to reach out and touch him, but there's so many other details she needs to address first. That, there, is another downside to this entire weapon dilemma too; she can't multi-task with her hands and speak at the same time. She mouths his name even as she continues to text quickly, disapproving. Back home, it'd been different. Not by much, but different nonetheless. He certainly didn't owe this place anything. ...did he? ] What friends? Who are they? Should I arrange something? I can, you know. If you tell me their names, I could do that.

[ Because she needs to do it take her mind off of everything, to stay distracted in that pleasant way that's reminiscent of the home they probably wouldn't go back to. She sighs, clearly fretting a little even as she does her best not to show it. ]

[ He was trying to watch her type but he can't read it from this angle, just knows that she backspaced out of something, or changed the sentence, and ooooh that's irritating. He likes hearing the half-finished sentences that get voiced while thoughts are still processing. If she always gets to edit them before he sees them, that'll be quite annoying.

Although wow. ] You're really good at this already - I can basically taste your opinion about that. [ He'd like to know when she's from, so he knows how to actually respond to this particular subject, because while what he just said had a light tone to it, there could be another way it's taken that he doesn't entirely not intend. He said once, that he and the suit were one, and he means it no less now, in the drizzley rain of Exsilium than he did in front of representatives of the Senate those years ago. He's not going to ever stop being Iron Man: not if he can help it. ] Arrange what? There's only - [ He has to consider that. Tali he thinks is gone. Emma's gone - almost a good thing, considering - and Natasha, both around the same time. He considers Steve, but they haven't really talked that much recently either. Clint's long gone. Roslyn and Max are next, and he's not sure how that would play out, or if he wants to do that in the first place. So, well. ] Can we just, I know you meant arrange something for later, but we don't have to. I mean, you don't have to. You just got here, you can settle in. There's not that many of them anyway. I can tell you if you want though. It doesn't matter.

[ She makes sure he can see how she rolls her eyes, and if she hadn't already started responding, it would have been punctuated with a firm stare. Still, she doesn't really mind this part of things. ]

I meant later. You can give them to me, and I can do something with them. I'll make this as easy as possible. [ At that, Pepper pauses and looks at him, some subtle thing from lowered eyes. She adds another couple words beneath those already there, underlining it with her finger before reaching out with her other hand and taking his so she can squeeze it gently. ] I'm sorry.

[ For not being in Exsilium when he probably needed her, for not knowing how to make it up to him. For not being able to say something to comfort him. ]

[ She rolls her eyes and he grins a little bit, because this is basically normal. ]

Yeah, yeah. Okay. I'll send them to you later, okay? Now is for us.

[ He watches all of that, unclear as to where she's going with it. And then what? ]

For what? You just got here.

[ The smile is a little reassuring at least, her own short and a bit sadder than usual. She uses her free had to reply, rather efficient in doing so. ]

Because I just got here. [ She's sure to underline the first word with her fingertips. Hadn't they told each other when all of this began that they only had each other? Pepper looks down at her lap, considering what else to say and coming up short. ]

[ Well, he softens a little bit, because, okay, organizing things is Pepper's Iron Man, he figures. It's as close to what he assumes she feels useful for as he does with his own projects, so he can let her do that. He'll have to come up with a longer list than Roslyn, Max, and 'maybe my roommates'. Especially since now that he considers that, he's pretty sure it's a list of all women, and he's not sure how well that will go over. ]

It's been a long time since I was at a good gathering. A really long time. I think the last one was in the wild west, actually. And before that, Versailles. [ It's a weird life here. But, whatever, he rests a hand on her knee because it's been like a while four minutes since they were touching each other. ] You want a tour? I can show you all the sights - it'll be a short tour, but. You can see my workshop and my moderately new HQ, it's pretty cool. I'll save the list of best bars for later - or just leave it to Ros, she's the one who compiled it. But I mean, there's a garden and stuff, Anora made that one. She's not here anymore either, but you'd've liked her. She and Emma reminded me a lot of you. Blonde bossy ladies who knew their shit well. But most people who're here for a while make something kind of neat. Or we can do something else. You wanna make out again?

[ She's doing her best to keep up as he talks, all the names mentally categorized with blank faces until she actually meets and puts them together. It's easy to do, starting this part of their relationship over and building it into something that's manageable and familiar. Pepper pauses mid-thought to look at the hand on her knee, glancing once and then at his face because, well. She's certain those are all women so far. Not that it means much since she's not 100% certain. But there's the idea, and she knows how he is, can be. Everyone knows that, and she's not entirely sure if she's relieved or concerned or upset about this. Maybe all of them in varying amounts.

Rather than give him a specific answer, though she's careful about typing out a single sentence before shifting the tablet so it's resting atop his thigh instead of hers, Pepper takes the hand away from her knee and leans into him. She can think about it later, see all of it later. If he keeps saying things, she'll want to leave and inspect and put into order what he's probably let go. There won't be room for this, and since he'd mentioned it first--

She kisses at his jaw, wondering how long it will take him to read and get the idea. ]

I suppose, since we have a lot of lost time to make up for...

[ He probably won't notice that until she points it out, because he has enough passing interaction with men from day to day, he just hasn't really built up any sort of lasting friendships with any of them yet. But it'll be a fun conversation when it does happen - he's done fairly well but he hasn't been perfect in his time here.

And that, it doesn't take him much time at all to read into that at all. The hand she removed goes right back to her, although this time to pull her closer, pulling with the way she's leaning into him anyway, turning his head to give her more access to his jaw while bringing him close enough to her neck to kiss along the tendon connecting it to her shoulder. He's quite okay with this plan instead. ]

[ Sometimes, even she thinks talking can be overrated. Which, given the circumstances, isn't a far stretch, and it's nice to fall into this, the warmth of it soaking through her still damp dress and lips ghosting the lobe of his ear in lieu of words. Maybe she would have said I'm here now or It really will be fine or some other comforting thing just to say it, but all she has are her hands and her expressions and the press of her body to do things for her instead.

So, she does them carefully, uncrossing her legs to situate them better and be comfortable when he kisses her neck. The heat of his mouth makes her shiver, but she goes on without protest, hands smoothing along his shoulders and down to squeeze his arms. It's an attempt to help him unwind, tell him he doesn't need to carry all the weight of this place alone anymore. She's there for that, always has been, and the notion is only so much stronger knowing he'd dealt with things without her for, at the very least, a few months; she's honestly not holding her breath there.

And any other time, Pepper might have suggested taking this where people wouldn't be likely to walk in on them, but that's a passing notion, fingers caressing the back of his neck now and up into his hair before she kisses him. Like so many other things, it could wait. ]

[ It's good that she's still thinking, because he's rapidly losing the care to do so. Pepper's here is his effective mantra of the moment, and the way he slides his hands along her, touches her like he's remembering and learning all at the same time, only echoes that.

He can't decide whether he wants to pull her into his lap or lean over her - he doesn't really care which, as long as they're as close as they can get - but he twists to face her more in the meantime, one arm against the back of the seat and the other holding her near to him as he moves along her jaw, goes right for places he knows were sensitive, because she's not the only one looking to be reassuring right now. Granted, his reassurance isn't so much that she doesn't have to look for him in as much as it is that she doesn't need to worry about being here as a whole, but when you're communicating like this it's hard to nail down those little nuances. ]

[ There's a sigh, only present in the soft lift of her shoulders and the deeper exhale of breath that fans not so purposely across skin. While she's still mindful, it's not entirely there anymore; she does have sense enough to reach between them and deposit the tablet somewhere out of the way, on the other side of him. A brief movement that doesn't disrupt much at all, and she's back to those soft yet firm touches, nails presses and hands gripping at the material of his shirt. She can read him well enough for this, understands what he wants when he turns into her, and rather than tease him, make him work for it - because she certainly tries when it's light and fun and not so entirely demanding - Pepper shifts again so she's in his lap. No space to separate them now, front-to-front and thighs parted to accommodate.

And that's much better, right? Better than before anyway. She wishes she could talk to him though, words there even if she can't actually voice them. Little things that she hopes he gets even as she arches into those touches and enjoys them and needs them like he obviously does.

I'm here. See? I won't leave you. Pepper punctuates each reassurance with a kiss, an aimless stroke of her fingers over him. ]

[ That is so much better, like, he can't even explain how much better that actually is. He's not really trying to anyway, but Tony's fantastic at communicating when he's not actively trying not to, and it's obvious in the hum of approval, the way he settles underneath her, getting more comfortable between the seat and her legs and then redoubling his efforts along her jaw. It doesn't take him long to find her mouth again, and he's not just trying to take, because that wouldn't fit all of this. He keeps getting caught up in the 'I can't believe she's here what if she leaves again' and having to calm back down into her reassurances, allow himself to trust what she's saying with her touches and posture.

So, in effect, he is taking, but he's also not. He's being gentle with his pressure, borderline reverent at times, kissing her and nipping a little at her lip but trying not to be too insistent. One, she's already overwhelmed by being here, the loss of her voice, just processing things. Two, it speaks volumes to the depth of his own feelings right now, and he's not fond of that level of exposure, even with her. Not until things are more comfortable, anyway. ]

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