exsilium | three. (video.)

three. (video.)

( At least this time Ellie isn't in some random, ramshackle building, but enjoying the warmth of the kitchen and a giant cup of coffee. At least she looks marginally better rested than she has on previous occasions. )

So, with that whole swap thing, I've been thinking. ( A pause, and there's a note of self mockery in her voice: ) Because I don't think enough when weird stuff isn't happening. Or less-weird stuff, at any rate. ( Has she really digressed already and wandered off with her thoughts? She shakes her head at herself. )

I was thinking about anger. Or any emotion, I guess, when they get that intense that you feel like all your insides are writhing about like snakes, but anger's the one that stuck out for me. We're all in this war, and some of us have been in wars before and some haven't, and everyone handles it in these different ways.

( She trails off; articulating this isn't going so smoothly as she'd expected, but sometimes you just have to throw things at the wall and see what sticks. Homer used to throw pasta at the wall, a lot, and a bloody lot of that stuck. The memory makes her smile a little. )

I mean, just before I got here, Kev-- uh, this guy in our group, he wasn't doing so well with everything. ( See, Fi, she at least tried not to name and shame. Belatedly. ) Everyone tried different things to get him going, and it was this weird insight-- I guess it just said a bit about the kind of people we are, depending what tactic we used. ( Fi: sympathy. Lee: abuse. Homer: encouragement. )
I was all logic and common sense. ( A beat, before she continues, speaking a little more slowly as she grapples with her pride and tries to think it out. ) Sometimes I don't think that really shows the full picture, but.

( She could say that it definitely doesn't, not when you got anger that just bubbles up and blows being reasonable right out of the water. She could, but does not. )

Anyway, I was talking to this guy here, before, about anger. How you can use it, and that, make it work for you, and I just... I didn't know if that really worked for anyone. If anger's a weapon, or if you got an on/off switch for it, or what? 'Cause there's this quote in uh, this Shakespeare play - “wrath makes him deaf,” I think the Queen in Henry VI. ( She squints, trying to remember. ) And then there's another bit, about not coming between “the dragon and his rage,” in King Lear. I think Lear was already going crazy, though, by then, though. ( Quietly: ) It's been a while since I studied them. Trying to read that stuff and figure out all the language is hard, without those special high school study editions.

( Where was she even going with this? )

So I guess I just wondered what you lot thought about it. Anger and controlling anger and using it and whether it screws you up, or what.

( A beat, and she smiles crookedly. ) Or we could talk about dragons. We don't have any back home, but some of you have to have dragons, right?

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[There's a long pause before he answers, taking in her story.]

Anger is powerful, but I find it's a sword with no safe handle. It's just as likely to damage the wielder as those he aims it against.

[ that whole post, and guess which single part grabbed her attention ]

What about them? [ a beat. she frowns, very helpfully adds: ] Dragons, that is.

[Cedric's looking more wild-eyed than usual. It looks like something's just clicked into place.]

I don't think holding all that pain inside can do much good. Obviously you don't yell at people who don't deserve it or make life miserable for everyone, but...maybe smash a few things that no one will miss?

( She isn't even trying not to stare, but rather than demanding anything, exclaiming anything in all kinds of colourful ways, she just listens. That's probably some amazing armour, right? She's pretty sure Asami said something about amazing armour one time. Armour with nice people. )

I was worried someone would say that.

( Is this the time to be flippant? Probably not. ) Do you know people who've gotten burned? Or... been at either end of the sword, I guess. ( Just the one metaphor might be best. )

Using anger isn't a bad thing -- so long as you don't let it consume you. [He knows this, even if he falls victim to this very thing on occasion.]

Dunno. Anything? All we ever heard about them in stories back home was that they usually got slain by heroic knights and liked to keep a whole lot've treasure.

They get slain? [ Derisive snort!!! ] That's inaccurate. No single human could slay a dragon.

[ no comment on the treasure part, though ]

I'm sorry. I can only speak for my world, though. Yours may be different.

[Because, you know, no robots?]

I do. I've seen how anger builds walls that are hard to break down.

...but not impossible.

( A smile; only a little one, but it's fond, and couples with a quiet laugh. )

I don't know if a few smashes vases are gonna cut it, Ricco. ( Though his first comment is sobering, when she comes back to it, and the smile disappears. ) You're right about the other bit. Or, at least, you shouldn't, it doesn't mean you don't.

( Even so, she gives him a glance. )

You all right, Cedric?

( He seems young; Ellie isn't naive enough to comment on it. She seems young to a lot of people, too. )

Where's that line? I mean, I know everyone gets angry, but so many things can turn into anger... ( That's not what she's trying to say, and she rubs her forehead as she tries to straighten it all out. ) How do you keep it in check?

According to stories they did. St. George slew a dragon and suddenly was the patron saint of England. And got a footy team names after him. ( A beat. ) Actually, they're the St. George Dragons, so maybe they weren't names after him.

( Hmm. ) Why not?

( Let's just argue for arguments sake okay that's fun )

St. George's opponent was a poor excuse for a dragon, then. That sort of thing doesn't happen in my world.

( Maybe if he wears armour he's like a super hero or some kind of space age knight!

Yeah, the robot thing isn't going to get processed for a while. Or maybe it will. Who knows, robots probably make more sense than magic. )

Yeah. Well, I mean, probably. That walls thing sounds about right, though.

( Thinking about your own behaviour critically is difficult and she doesn't like it. The scowl that settles on her face is more prompted by thought than his comments, specifically. ) Is there a special kind of pickaxe you can get for that, or what?

( Ellie's jokes are the worst jokes )

If it was a wimpy dragon do you really reckon they'd have made him a saint, but?

( don't be obnoxious, Ellie )

What are dragons like in your world?

[Cedric slowly shakes his head. He's not trying to be critical of her---he's just lost in his own thoughts, holding his head to keep it all in.]

It was just a tough week. I was stuck in my own head for most of it, bombarded with everyone's emotions in one big lump of anxiety.

I used to think I wanted that ability. Not anymore.

You okay?

That body mess up? ( She frowns, not quite grasping it. ) Or something different?

( Ability, though? Bombarded with emotions... Ellie just takes a few moments. ) It's a magic thing, right?

( It's not a satisfying response, but she shrugs. ) Been better, been worse. Getting better, I think?

[It's well that she doesn't comment on it. He's young only for what he is; as far as humans go . . . he's old enough to be her grandfather.]

Everyone's line is different; I'm not certain it's possible to know where it is before crossing it at least once. [There's no hesitation in his voice, but there's the impression that he speaks from experience.]

[Well, she's got the 'knight' part right?]

I am sorry, my friend. [He sees her facial expression, his own mouth pulling into a worried frown.]

I find that having someone who believes in you is the best tool.

[Oh, she hasn't heard Wing try any jokes, yet. There may be competition for that title of worst jokes.]

Anger can be channeled. An' dragons are annoyin', mostly.

( At least he's forthright; that lures out a faint smile, even if it does disappear in the same moment. )

Once you've crossed a line once, then crossing it over and over is probably easier. It's pretty unfortunate you have to do that before you can figure out where the danger zone is.

( A few beats, and then: )

What made you cross your line?

[Thorin was in self-imposed exile, intent about not showing his face to anyone for reasons. ~~Until his beard grows back after a certain Russian bastard shaved it off and ruined his life.~~ But this subject is not one he can easily let slip by.]

We have them. You are more fortunate than you know if you do not.

[Well, that's still more than he smiles.]

[He debates answering this for a moment, but decides it doesn't really matter. In the end, it can be taken as a fairly general answer. Wouldn't most people cross a line when this happened?] A good friend was nearly killed.

At least you're all right.

Yeah, it's a magical ability. But I was always taught that Legilimency---thought-reading---was controlled. This wasn't like that at all.

[He grimaces]

The body I was in was blind and mostly deaf. He compensates by using his powers to navigate so well that I never guessed beforehand, but I couldn't really control them. I just wound up feeling everyone's fear, hearing some really nasty thoughts, and tripping over my hooves. Even with all the muddled thoughts, it was like I was alone in the world this week.

( One day Ellie will let go of denial and just accept all the bizarre things Exsilium brings into her life. One day.

The my friend makes her look up in surprise, before she cracks a grin. ) No worries, mate.

( Her expression turns a bit more pensive, again. Did Fi believe in her? She hoped so, after all they'd gone through, but she'd done a pretty shithouse job of showing she believed in Fi. And maybe Steph did? Or she believed in Steph, at any rate, but that wasn't something that automatically bounced back. Cedric and Steph had both stood up for her against Rita, though, and that meant something. )

Some of my friends are real tools, all right. ( Too bad Homer wasn't here, he'd be the best one for that claim. Even so, she shakes her head. ) Mm. I reckon you're right. So long as you don't scare them all off with your temper, anyway.

[Let go and let the love in, Ellie. ]

[He grins at the 'mate'. That's the way.]

Tools? [Pun sails over his head and lands in seriousland.] They can be the most useful, at times. I know a mech who is a datastick, for example...

[Wait. Maybe that's not what she was talking about?]

[He shrugs, grinning.] I'm hard to scare off.

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