three. (video.)

[reconnaissance]

( At least this time Ellie isn't in some random, ramshackle building, but enjoying the warmth of the kitchen and a giant cup of coffee. At least she looks marginally better rested than she has on previous occasions. )

So, with that whole swap thing, I've been thinking. ( A pause, and there's a note of self mockery in her voice: ) Because I don't think enough when weird stuff isn't happening. Or less-weird stuff, at any rate. ( Has she really digressed already and wandered off with her thoughts? She shakes her head at herself. )

I was thinking about anger. Or any emotion, I guess, when they get that intense that you feel like all your insides are writhing about like snakes, but anger's the one that stuck out for me. We're all in this war, and some of us have been in wars before and some haven't, and everyone handles it in these different ways.

( She trails off; articulating this isn't going so smoothly as she'd expected, but sometimes you just have to throw things at the wall and see what sticks. Homer used to throw pasta at the wall, a lot, and a bloody lot of that stuck. The memory makes her smile a little. )

I mean, just before I got here, Kev-- uh, this guy in our group, he wasn't doing so well with everything. ( See, Fi, she at least tried not to name and shame. Belatedly. ) Everyone tried different things to get him going, and it was this weird insight-- I guess it just said a bit about the kind of people we are, depending what tactic we used. ( Fi: sympathy. Lee: abuse. Homer: encouragement. )
I was all logic and common sense. ( A beat, before she continues, speaking a little more slowly as she grapples with her pride and tries to think it out. ) Sometimes I don't think that really shows the full picture, but.

( She could say that it definitely doesn't, not when you got anger that just bubbles up and blows being reasonable right out of the water. She could, but does not. )

Anyway, I was talking to this guy here, before, about anger. How you can use it, and that, make it work for you, and I just... I didn't know if that really worked for anyone. If anger's a weapon, or if you got an on/off switch for it, or what? 'Cause there's this quote in uh, this Shakespeare play - “wrath makes him deaf,” I think the Queen in Henry VI. ( She squints, trying to remember. ) And then there's another bit, about not coming between “the dragon and his rage,” in King Lear. I think Lear was already going crazy, though, by then, though. ( Quietly: ) It's been a while since I studied them. Trying to read that stuff and figure out all the language is hard, without those special high school study editions.

( Where was she even going with this? )

So I guess I just wondered what you lot thought about it. Anger and controlling anger and using it and whether it screws you up, or what.

( A beat, and she smiles crookedly. ) Or we could talk about dragons. We don't have any back home, but some of you have to have dragons, right?

Comments

[hostage]

No, I just...

[He sighs. He doesn't want to get cross with her, and he knows that's how he sounds right now. The exhaustion, the depression, it all comes out like he's more annoyed than he is. And she's being nice, for christ's sake.]

I got everything I need. I'll get over it. But thank you.

[reconnaissance]

( She nods, and decides that perhaps in this case it'd be better to leave it alone and not go after the issue like a dog after a bone. )

Okay. You know where to find me if something comes up.

( Some of this is the guilt from Chris, feeling she should have tried harder. But then, Chris was always evasive and part of the guilt was leaving him alone... Jesse was different kettle of fish altogether. But still, she is trying harder than she might normally to be there, be helpful.

A bit of a pause, but before it can get awkward: ) I've been trying to work on a way to make Nutella. I dunno if that was really your thing, and that, but if it is and the recipe works, I'll save you some.

[hostage]

[It's a nice distraction, at least.]

What's Nutella?

[reconnaissance]

Oh, Christ.

( What's Nutella? ) It's this chocolate hazelnut spread, it's heaps good. Have you really never had it?

( YOU HAVE NOT LIVED )

[hostage]

['MURRICA.]

Umm, I don't think so.

[reconnaissance]

Right. Yeah, okay, I'll bring you some. Whenever you're having a shit time, just shovel some Nutella in your mouth. It'll help.

Unless you're allergic to nuts, then you'll think it's pretty ordinary.

[hostage]

Nah, ain't allergic as far as I know. And chocolate spread sounds pretty good to me.

:c apologies for the slow, school etc etc etc

[reconnaissance]

All right. Brace yourself, Jesse, this is going to change your entire world. Trust me.

( there is no way in which she is exaggerating okay )

Hey, when you're feeling better, you wanna come over for dinner? If you can make it across the hallway, and that. You could bring your roommates, if you want.

[hostage]

[He grins at that.]

Yeah, sure. That'd be cool.

[reconnaissance]

Don't get too excited. Lenny's a pretty moody guy. Sami's decent, though, she's good for a bit of a laugh. Just don't try to tackle her into a lake or anything, she can get a bit huffy about it.

( As if that is an unreasonable reaction. Oh, Ellie. )

Lemme know when you're feeling up to it. I promise not to burn it, and everything.

[hostage]

Whenever, yo. This whole thing... [He gestures to himself, indicating the withdrawal sickness.] ...is just gonna be how I am. You know, for a while. But it ain't catching.

[reconnaissance]

Huh. All right.

( She tilts her head, eyes narrowing for just a moment, just trying to work out exactly what it is he's got. The expression is brief, before she glances away. Some things are better left private, though she's going to be mulling over it. Maybe she should just ask what's wrong with him, but that seems so--

blunt, actually, which is exactly what she is, but that's not right. Not for Jesse, not now. Not when he already brushed it off and said he was fine, that it wouldn't kill him. )

Then I guess not having to cook anything or do the dishes will be good for you. I'll see when I work something out.

[hostage]

Yeah, thanks.

[He'd tell her, if she asked, but most people don't like to hear about junkies being junkies. And complaining about withdrawal is like complaining about the pain in your leg when you willingly shot yourself in the foot.]