exsilium | [ video ]

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[Hooray, Jesse is finally awake and home after his half-week holiday with hookers and meth. This of course means he's looking extra groggy, red around the eyes, and not exactly the most cheerful. Which makes the following message a little dissonant:]

Hey, so... - Hey, hi, I'm Jesse. If you're new.

Anyway, um, I know I talked to a few of you earlier about maybe some baking lessons? I was thinking probably, since in a couple weeks we'll have a whole 'nother shipment of new guys, we'll practice making cookies for 'em.

Some of you saw me this last time, right? I had like this whole setup with a tent? I was thinking we could do that again, but bigger this time. Or if you don't wanna be out in the cold all day, we could set up in the lobby downstairs, like right when people come in to find their units? I dunno. I'm just thinking out loud.

Anybody into that, though? Like on the 28th or something we get together and make some cookies? Assuming nobody bombs us or anything.

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Whatever, bitch. Nut up or shut up.

Fine, asshole.

You coming down or do I have to drag you out of your hole.

I ain't going nowhere.

I assume you will not be opening the door for me. In that case, I hope you're not too attached to your wall.

[ because he will punch a hole

right through it

oops

before making sure that ranka isn't at home, of course. so if she is, he's gonna wait. ]

[No need for it. Jesse doesn't actually want Ranka to see this, so he's waiting in the hallway.]

[ Oh good, because the wall punching this is always so noisy

still, to say that Adam is pleasantly surprised would be an overstatement. ]

Are you always this much of a pain in the ass?

[ Said while he's still walking and shows no sign of stopping, going right for Jesse's collar to slam his back against the next best wall if he can. ]

[Jesse doesn't make a move to stop any of it. When he's thrown back, he flinches, but he puts his hands up.]

I'm unarmed and I ain't gonna fight you.

[ well, he's lucky he wasn't greeted with a punch to the face, as Adam usually does. he scoffs, but doesn't yet release his hold. ]

All hat but no cattle. I'm disappointed.

[ this time, he doesn't really have any qualms about running a CASIE scan on him, cybernetics silently working on getting a profile. ]

Yeah? You're disappointed I don't hurt people? I'm thinking that says more about you than it does about me.

[ this guy reads books titled the art of gratuitous violence and solving conflicts with violence, so really... ]

Guilttripping me won't work. A punch or a shove you'll maybe feel for a few days, but drugs can ruin an entire life. Gotta wonder how much is left of yours.

[ information provided matches up with what he's been thinking, anyway. he gives another rather hard shove. ]

Now will you talk to me, or do I have to be more convincing.

[Jesse winces again. He's a small guy, all skin and bones, and he probably wouldn't make a scratch if he tried to fight back. But he's still not trying.]

You know when you're finished kicking my ass I'm just gonna get high again, right? Your little pep talk ain't gonna do shit.

[ Adam scoffs. He doesn't particularly care what Jesse does to himself, but the whole thing still rubs him the wrong way. He doesn't feel like he's gonna get very far like this, although it's really damn tempting to just beat the crap out of him not for being such a colossal fuck-up, but for being proud of it. ]

Yes, I'm sure. Self-destruction's so much fun. Why give a shit, right? It's not like anyone else does. We've all been there, you little brat.

[ Adam's not exactly a saint either. Still, hard drugs seem to be a sore subject for him.

He does eventually let go of Jesse, although even that's done with some force behind it, pushing him towards the ground rather than just releasing his grip on him.

Funny he should mention getting high though, because Adam can most definitely make sure he gets high on something else, and it's called pheromones that match his specific personality type. They're way too handy when it comes to extracting information when his fists aren't enough. ]

Well shit, maybe I do care. Can't get you to stop what you're doing? Yeah, maybe that's asking for too much, but you bet your ass I want to know what the fuck you're thinking and how you got yourself into that mess to begin with.

[It isn't pride, it's defeatism. Or "self-acceptance", Jesse would say, which is something he learned in rehab of all places.

He nearly falls right over when Adam releases him, but he catches himself on the wall and leans back up against it, folding his arms like it ain't no thing.]

What, you think there's some big story behind it? News flash: I'm not that interesting. I cook for the cheddar. I smoke 'cause I like it. Same as every other junkie in the world. You give all of them this much shit?

Only the unlucky ones.

[ Seems like Jesse has gotten very unlucky in this case and Adam doesn't believe him. He's not done yet anyway, as he grabs Jesse by his upper arm this time to roughly drag/shove him towards his and Ranka's apartment door. ]

You're gonna invite me inside your place so we can talk. Civilly, I suggest.

[ We don't want to scare any small girls after all. ]

[Jesse can't put up much resistance, but he tries, and his arm aches for it. He was bluffing earlier. He doesn't want Ranka to overhear what they're saying, and he especially doesn't want her to find his body if something happens to him. When he looks back at Adam, there's a particular kind of fear in his eyes. Pleading, however, only lets people know what they can use against you, so he keeps his mouth shut about it and opens the door.]

...Asshole.

I try.

[ Yes, he's aware, thank you very much. Being an asshole is a full-time job, but the pay is still pretty shitty.

He duly notes that he seems to be getting what he wants for now, however, which means he's relaxing a little; himself as well as his steel grip as he removes his prosthetic hand. Due to the nature of it there's more power behind it than you'd expect, so Jesse might be feeling that for a while. He follows. ]

Maybe if you stop being a shithead and start talking, I'll do the same. In my experience people can't shut up about their problems and sob stories when they come across somebody more or less willing to listen, so either you don't think you have a problem at all or you're hiding something. Which is it.

There's your first problem: I don't have a sob story.

[He's rubbing at his shoulder as he walks in, looking around. Coast is clear, but he doesn't invite Adam to make himself comfortable. Jesse doesn't sit, either. He walks into the kitchen and prepares a whiskey for himself while he talks:]

You wanna talk about my addiction? You think I don't know I got one? I did two months in rehab. Shiny place, all spas and group therapy. Lots of love and care. They give you these chips so you can count the days, weeks, months you're sober. I was looking right at it when I did my next line.

I relapsed hard, right, and my bosses didn't like it so they cleaned me up again. That time worked a little better 'cause they wouldn't let me outta their sight for a second. But then I went on vacation and backslid. Did another stint in rehab. My girlfriend helped me. It was sweet.

Got on some mood stabilizers, too. I dunno if you know, but there's this withdrawal thing where you get real depressed getting off meth. So they give you other drugs to replace the drugs you were on. When I kicked H, I didn't do the methadone thing, but saying goodbye to the meth was harder. So that was good. That was great.

Then, you know, things happen. Lose your girlfriend, lose your kid, lose your job. You wake up one morning and all you got left is the crystal. And at least that gets you outta bed.

[He raises his glass like he's toasting himself, lips twisted into a wry little smile.]

Then you get shot in the face and end up in Wonderland. It's a goddamn fairytale ending. You like that? That satisfy your curiosity? Or do you wanna talk more about how I'm seriously the most classic case of fuck-up ever? Like I said: I'm not that interesting.

[ Adam isn't getting comfortable anyway. The point of heading inside was mostly to avoid being so out in the open where people can just walk past or overhear your conversation.

He does listen, patiently. It does sound like a typical story of its kind. ]

I decide what's interesting. You skipped two parts.

[ He pauses briefly. ]

One, when, why and how did you even start with this crap. Don't tell me it was just curiosity and or peer pressure, that's the lamest excuse. [ Another beat. ] Second, this doesn't explain how you came to learn to cook up your own meth; I don't think they teach that at rehab. Sounds more to me like you're a dealer, which--and feel free to correct me if I'm wrong--goes a bit beyond the classic case of pathetic but otherwise mostly harmless fuck-up.

[ It's all a bit vague. Adam can sort of understand wanting to experiment with different things, because he did that too, but without completely discarding his common sense. ]

Hung around the wrong people, or were you really just that bored and past giving a shit.

[Jesse rolls his eyes and takes a drink before answering:]

I got started in high school. There was this buddy of mine, Emilio. I knew him forever, like all the way back in kindergarten. Anyway, he got started cooking. His cousin was some big-time gangster, so that's how he got into the game.

Anyway, at first I was just another customer but, you know... Expensive habit. Since me and him went way back, he cut me in. I started dealing. Small-time, you know, just around school. Stopped and started a few times, 'cause my parents found out I was smoking and you know the story: got kicked out, moved back in, got kicked out... I tried to go straight a few times, but I ain't exactly college material - obviously.

Blah, blah, blah, my aunt got cancer and needed somebody to take care of her, so I moved in with her and didn't have to deal with my parents' shit anymore. Then she died and left her house to me, which was great, but I was back to needing cash. Hooked up with Emilio again, got ourselves a nice little lab set up, and there you go.

Is any of this seriously surprising you?

Surprising, I guess not. What really surprises me is how furious I still get whenever I hear a story like this. Kids being dumbasses and the government and their executives failing to do their job.

[ Yeah, he's pretty angry, but at least outwardly he manages to hide it well. Adam almost never raises his voice. His fist is a different story.

He walks over to Jesse and rather impulsively takes away that bottle of whiskey from him, thank you. Only - ]

When you were a kid, what did you want to grow up to be? A drug dealer?

[ Well, he's drinking it himself now, right out of the bottle. If Jesse wasn't intending to share it, tough luck; Adam's not the type to ask first. ]

[Jesse actually shrinks back a little when Adam takes the bottle, like he thinks he's about to be hit with it. He's glad the guy's just drinking instead.]

I never thought about it. I mean, I wanted to be a superhero, but those weren't real where I came from, so - nothing.

[ He raises a brow. The booze he just ingested quickly takes effect, but he knows it'll only last a few moments. ]

Kind of a steep deviation.

[ Pause. ]

So you've got plenty of creative energy and skill when it comes to cooking up harmful substances, but you couldn't simply channel it into something more fun--if you can't be a superhero, you think one up. The point isn't whether they're real or not, I always enjoyed reading comics.

[ He knows he's going off on a bit of a tangent, but instant intoxication will do that to you. Oh well, he's gonna have some more of it. Good for Jesse too because booze mellows him out a lot. ]

Yeah, I used to draw. You know how much money that makes?

[Not a lot, judging by his tone.]

So? Do you know how shitty my pay was? Do you know how much college cost me and my parents? We couldn't fucking afford any of it, so don't give me that bullshit excuse. Things are not always gonna work out right away.

[ He is so not impressed. ]

Did your drug dealing make you rich? Was it productive in any way? Or maybe I should ask, does it make you rich.

Yeah, it did. But I don't sell here. Personal use, you know how it is. I don't care anymore. About the money. I got what I need. Perks of being somebody's hero, finally.

[He gives a vague little wave to their overly comfortable surroundings, courtesy of the Initiative.]

[ private ] JESSE BRINGS THAT OUT IN PEOPLE

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SCHOOLWORK DISTRACTED ME im sorry

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