exsilium | open message to the network - video, with document attached

By way of some odd notes about feet, it's come to my attention that yesterday was some sort of a sex holiday. That is, a holiday about sex, not a holiday from sex.

This morning, then, would be the morning after.

In a week or two, you should know whether you've picked up any unpleasant souvenirs of the holiday. Please see the attached document for some information on the subject, unless you are a small child.

[ ATTACHMENT: HELPFULINFORMATION. It's a comic entitled "Capt. Veedee-o and Ms. Wanda Lust in VD CLAPTRAP." Anders doesn't know to mark it not-safe-for-work. This is his work! ]

If you are a small child, you don't know what I'm talking about, and that's as it should be. You ought to go do something fun that doesn't involve listening to grown-ups discuss boring things on the network. Run around! Do you know how wonderful it is that you've got the freedom to run around outdoors whenever you like? I'm telling you, you really ought to take advantage of that. Don't take those freedoms for granted.

If you're a healer or a doctor of any sort, and you are not a small child, the transport clinic could probably use your help. The coming month may bring an explosion of nasty rashes or worse. Contact me, or our co-director Ashraf Salib, or Adrasteius who doesn't want to have a title. We'll put you to work, whatever it is you do.

Oh, and since Merrill's gone home ... [he won't admit he misses her, but: ] I suppose we could also use a receptionist. That's what it's called, yes? We didn't need receptionists at my clinic in Kirkwall. People would just come right in shouting about their wounds, and I'd see to them eventually, when I wasn't hands-deep in something else. Apparently having more than one healer in this Transport clinic means we need to be better-organized, therefore having someone in the front room is nice and useful.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

You know, just cause some of us aren't old enough to vote yet doesn't mean we don't know how to read.

The Initiative also believes you're old enough to fight in a war, and quite possibly to die in that war. I'd say you're old enough to read whatever you're able.

Well yeah, but that's not what I mean. Who writes this stuff? Anybody who's been to 7th grade health class knows all that already. Without the aliens with the ray guns.

[ Castiel frowns as he works his mind around what Anders is implying. ]

You of course refer to the unpleasant outcomes of unprotected sexual activity.

[ Normally he just pops around for emergencies, flying instantly to the wounded before they bleed out or whatever. But if it's going to be as bad as Anders predicts. ]

I suppose I could make myself available for house visits if you truly believe an outbreak to be severe.

[ THANK YOU. Finally someone understands the gravity of this problem. ]

Yes. Especially in times of social upheaval -- the Blight at home, the war here -- people tend to seek comfort where they can. That's without the excuse of a sex holiday. We really ought to have thought about this much sooner, only there's always some sort of bombing or undead-animal attack that's more pressing.

[ Of course. Although Castiel questions the use of cartoon figures to deliver this cautionary tale. ]

Well, imminent danger of bodily injury tends to arrest one's attention. There are other factors in sex that tend to be... distracting, and the consequences are often less immediate.

Are you really offering to make house calls for STDs?

If the outbreak is as bad as Anders suggests, that may be necessary. Some of these diseases can be fatal and highly contagious.

[ A pause. ]

...Why? Are you experiencing a painful burning sensation?

[Aaaaand there she goes again, dissolving into laughter. Castiel you are the most awkward let her pinch your million year old cheeks.]

No. You know, even suggesting that is rude.

I wasn't going to mention it, it's just --

[ Wow, interrupt him before he gives some totally irrelevant and even more insulting excuse because THIS GUY KNOWS SHIT ABOUT ANYTHING SENSITIVE. ]

[Wow, you are really pushing it, not-husband]

Just what, Castiel? Please explain to me exactly what made you think I was so sexually indiscriminate that I would suffer from a sexually transmitted disease.

[Trans; IF YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOOD FOR YOU YOU WILL DO THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF THAT]

[ oh no why ]

I am immune to such things; I have no need to question my past partners if they were diseased or not.

[ THIS IS THE SOUND OF CASTIEL DIGGING HIMSELF INTO A HOLE HE CAN'T GET OUT OF. ]

[Well, that brings her up short]

[But not for the obvious reason]

You've had past partn--

[OK, that's almost Castiel levels of tactlessness, so she stops talking.]

[Even if the damage is already done. But really, she'd thought the subject was purely academic for him.]

[ Castiel adds quickly -- ]

Yes.

[ ROLLING HIS EYES, because seriously Yoruichi. staaaahp. ]

Look, no offense, you just never struck me as being interested in the matter. Some people are just made like that.

[She snickers]

Look at you, you surprisingly filthy thing. I'm almost proud of you.

I am not filthy.

[ Oh no, look at him getting all flustered now. Shame on you, Yoruichi. ]

It's... normal. [ Isn't it? ]

Of course it's normal.

[She sounds utterly matter of fact and cheerful. Cas is flustered? Must be a day that ends in y.]

Don't be afraid of a little dirt, Castiel. There's nothing wrong with it in moderation.

[ HMPH. ]

...I'm an angel, Yoruichi. Dirt isn't in our nature.

[ Which might be why he's not letting go of that flustered state right now. In fact, it's only getting worse. AND DEFENSIVE. ]

[She's starting to think that your heaven sounds worse than hers. At least they have booze and sex in Soul Society.]

[But as much as she likes to fluster him, she doesn't want to upset him...and she's sensing that's where this line of conversation will lead if she keeps pushing.]

If you say so.

[Her smile has turned wry, and her voice has a definite affectionate overtone, taking any possible sting out of what could be a sarcastic, dismissive response.]

That reminds me, though--I still want that angel vs shinigami conversation we've been promising each other. Still up for it?

[Opens her mouth to speak, like a responsible clinic employee.]

[Starts laughing instead, because really.]

[ Laughing is good! And healthy! ] Just don't laugh at anyone who comes in scratching unseemly places, all right? You wouldn't want to make them regret seeking treatment.

Of course not. I'll do my best.

[although Yoruichi's bedside manner is questionable on the best of days]

I'm not objecting, it's just a very...practical approach to a day that's allegedly all about flowers and candy and fluff. They never bring it up in advertisements.

Edited 2013-02-19 06:19 (UTC)

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