exsilium | 01 ☢ video

[The camera clicks on to reveal a skinny kid with a mess of brown hair. He's holding the tablet in front of him, so the view's a bit shaky; it doesn't help that he's fidgeting and gesturing with his other hand as he speaks, first and foremost being a quick and awkward wave hello.]

Hey. Hello? This is on, right? You know, they should put a light on these things to show they're transmitting. Maybe they do, I didn't really - [Barely a pause as he checks himself, gets back on track.]

Sorry. Hi, my name's Peter. Peter Parker. So I got the welcome tour, and I guess my big question is - where can we get decent food around here?

[Priorities. He got most of the relevant info the other day, anyway. He almost looks like he's done, but then he abruptly remembers something and speaks up again in a rush.] And I made a thing. I mean, I didn't really make it, I just re-made it. I probably messed some of it up, but I guess nobody here's going to know any better, right?

It's for Collette, but I figured anybody could use it. Let me know if you have questions, or just type "help" and it should cover the bases. And don't forget to use your lanterns. [And Peter out - no wait, just kidding. He's half a second from ending the transmission before he stops.]

It's a game, by the way. The thing.

[He's done for real this time, pending an attachment:]

► ATTACHMENT 1: zork.exe

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

What? Am I - did you say trying to get into your furs? [ He's not actually sure he heard that right, there's some translation happening. ]

No! No, I just - I mean, not that I wouldn't, you're very pretty, but - no, I just wanted to see your... camp. [ That does sound kind of awful, doesn't it. This next part is a silly oversimplification, but he's trying to save some face, here. ] We don't do a lot of camping where I'm from.

[The way he stammers makes her think of Jon Snow, when he stole her.]

Oh, I get it. You've never lied with a woman.

[ what ]

Never lied with a - are you talking about sex?

[ Let's just clarify your weird renfaire talk before he gets defensive, thanks. Or actually, no, let's not. ]

I mean - no, don't answer that. What does that have to do with camping?

[She scoffs.]

O' course that's what I mean.

You're a pretty lad. Don't you know how t'do it?

[ Oh my god. He's not quite sure what to say to that, but- ]

Thanks?

[ That was a compliment, right? ] But yeah, I know where to- sorry, why are you asking me this? Is looking at camps a euphemism where you come from?

With a response like, I'm not sure you do. Does your bone work, boy?

[She has the repress the half laugh. This is too easy.]

You ask t'see my camp. That means sharin' furs where I'm from. There's only one thing a man and a women do in furs, and sleep comes after that.

[ Did she just ask about his bone. ]

What- [ No, wait, just don't engage. ] Well, sorry to break it to you, but seeing someone's camp does not mean sharing furs in Queens. Most of us don't even have furs to share.

You don't ever just give innocent tours of your house? Seriously, that sounds like it'd place severe limitations on your social interaction.

You're bone-- your cock. If you've never been with someone. [Doesn't mind casually talking about this. She's just judging your manhood.]

Why would I do that? My social-- whatever is just fine. I'm not the one whose never lied with a woman. [Scoff. And he questions her interactions.]

[ Oh my god why is this on video because now he is getting legitimately embarrassed. ]

No, I don't - I wasn't asking for clarification, I know what "bone" means. [ And no, he hasn't, but he's not going to argue, thank you. Instead, he goes from flustered to slightly confused, then settles for eyeing the screen somewhat critically. ]

Remind me to never invite you over for pizza.

Does pizza mean sex?

No.

[ Well........ ]

I guess it depends on your date.

What is a date?

... seriously?

It's when you take someone out, you know, wine and dine. Hanging out with someone you want to romance?

Much like relaxing then. [Something they don't really have time for.]

01 ☢ video

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