exsilium | 01 ☢ video

[The camera clicks on to reveal a skinny kid with a mess of brown hair. He's holding the tablet in front of him, so the view's a bit shaky; it doesn't help that he's fidgeting and gesturing with his other hand as he speaks, first and foremost being a quick and awkward wave hello.]

Hey. Hello? This is on, right? You know, they should put a light on these things to show they're transmitting. Maybe they do, I didn't really - [Barely a pause as he checks himself, gets back on track.]

Sorry. Hi, my name's Peter. Peter Parker. So I got the welcome tour, and I guess my big question is - where can we get decent food around here?

[Priorities. He got most of the relevant info the other day, anyway. He almost looks like he's done, but then he abruptly remembers something and speaks up again in a rush.] And I made a thing. I mean, I didn't really make it, I just re-made it. I probably messed some of it up, but I guess nobody here's going to know any better, right?

It's for Collette, but I figured anybody could use it. Let me know if you have questions, or just type "help" and it should cover the bases. And don't forget to use your lanterns. [And Peter out - no wait, just kidding. He's half a second from ending the transmission before he stops.]

It's a game, by the way. The thing.

[He's done for real this time, pending an attachment:]

► ATTACHMENT 1: zork.exe

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Here's someone who would recognize that name if he hadn't gotten mindwiped by a demon.]

What I am to do with it?

[Peter doesn't know who any of you crazies are, so no big loss.]

Play it. Like a game, which is what it is. [Not very helpful. Try again, maybe?]

You have to use text commands - open it, then type in what you want it to do.

It says that there is no one home and that I cannot leave. And also that it does not understand me.

[Oh god. He's not sure what he was expecting from this crowd. This is going to be worse than Aunt May on a smart phone.]

If it can't understand you, then you're not speaking its language. Think of it like a really dumb person, use simple words.

Are you in the house?

Of course not. 'Tis not mine abode.

It says there are no balls to kick in this game. Is that not how most mortal games work?

...it's abandoned, though. It's nobody's abode. You can totally go inside.

And no, there are no- why would there be balls? It's like a mystery game, you're supposed to go sneak around.

Is that how property law works in Midgard?

It will not let me rip the boards off. Or break them. Or kick in the door. Or go in the window. Or try the back.

I do not believe I understand this game.

Yeah. Yeah, that's how property law works in Midgard. [He's not entirely sure what that means.]

And no, you've got it- I mean, you don't quite have it, but you're on the right track. Keep going around the house, you should find a window you can get through.

[And, because the ripping/breaking/kicking seems like a theme:]

Gently. It's already open and everything.

"He who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is not fit for the
kingdom of winners."

I believe your game to be judging me.

Are there many mortal games like this? [Seriously, wtf.]

[Okay, now he's trying not to laugh, because that would be rude.]

No, it's not judging, it's just- playing.

But yeah, I guess there are. Not just like this, most of them have visuals. What are games like where you're from?

[... actually.]

And do I want to know why you keep saying "mortal"?

We have tournaments and other sports. Capture the flag and such.

[Capture the flag is so a sport.]

Ah, I am of Asgard, the realm eternal. You shall find that many here are not human.

[ Yes of course it totally is. ]

Yeah, I'm getting that. I'm still kind of adjusting.

Are the dragons new for you, too, or do you have a lot of those in the realm eternal?

No, I have fought many a dragon before. What is unusual is to find ones that do not wish to fight.

Yeah, I bet that would be unusual. Bet them talking is even more unusual, unless they talked during the fighting.

Some of them did. We also had riding dragons, although obviously they were not of the talking variety.

Wow. And here I thought I was special with the giant lizard people.

Sorry, did I catch your name?

Our lives involve many giant lizard people.

Ah, I am Balder the Brave of Asgard.

Well it's nice to meet you, Balder the Brave of Asgard. I can just call you Balder, right?

Mind if I look you up if I run into any hostile dragons? Not that I've met any yet, they mostly seem interested in chatting and sometimes laughing at me so far.

Yes, Balder is acceptable, although I have a number of kennings you might prefer.

I would not mind at all. Dragon meat can be quite tasty if prepared properly and if it doesn't poison you.

Sorry, kennings?

[ And oh my god he didn't mean they should eat them. ]

And uh - I wouldn't broadcast that on the network. Your culinary dragon adventures, I mean. Our dragon friends might get the wrong impression.

Ah ... "nicknames"?

I have no intention of eating any intelligent dragons. For one, I doubt it would come to the death. But we have been assaulted by large, strange beasts before.

They were not very tasty.

Yeah. Yeah, no, I wouldn't think most large, strange beasts would be very tasty.

[ What is with people and eating weird things here. ]

But I'm sure the intelligent dragons appreciate it. Not being eaten. I'll only give you a call if I run into a mean, unintelligent one.

Some of them are. I fear this place is too polluted.

I handle the intelligent as well, I merely endeavor not to kill them. Generally poking them between the toes works. For them, 'tis a bit like stepping on a tiny piece of glass. It may not truly wound them, but they become annoyed with you and fly away.

... between the toes? They don't just eat you? I feel like annoying dragons isn't a great lifestyle choice.

They are more likely to step on you or set fire to you. I have yet to be eaten by a dragon, but then I am known for being quite nimble.

I am not suggesting you attempt it yourself.

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ex_havenofear960 - 2013-02-23 06:58 (UTC) - Expand

01 ☢ video

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hahahaha

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sorry for slow!

no worries

haha balder

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