♋ 1; video

[crusthatecean]

[Today, you are getting a grey alien kid on the communicator.]

Okay, so apparently we're supposed to introduce ourselves. I can't tell if this is required or not, but what the hell.

Hi. It's Karkat. Here is where my boast about my impressive indispensibility to your army goes, but...look, I don't need to talk up my own shit to you, your stupid human organization is the one that brought me here. Either my value will become obvious or it won't.

Anyway, yes, I'm a troll, I get the impression you've already been introduced to the concept. But please don't make assumptions about me based on the others you've met because let me tell you, this is basically the worst of the genetic slurry poured into a concentrated pool of stench right onto your lap. They are pretty much all top contenders for the biggest embarrassments to the empire in our entire history.

So if you have any questions, you can ask me, probably, unless I get tired of listening to it.

Comments

video

[fourscience]

[Wow these trolls are just piling up aren't they? Nananea seems happy about that.] Oh, I always have questions for trolls. How many of you are there! I was under the impression that the population of your species had been greatly reduced, but still more of you keep pouring in!

Not that I am complaining about your presence one bit, of course!

[crusthatecean]

There are twelve of us total, plus some dead ghosts who can apparently show up. That's not exactly that many, I mean, there are hundreds of humans hanging around here.

[fourscience]

Some of you are dead? Fascinating!

And you trolls are certainly the most populous alien species here, for the moment!

[crusthatecean]

Other than humans.

Anyway, that makes sense, we're pretty involved with earth as a whole.

[fourscience]

Of course, other than humans. You are absolutely correct! Involved with earth? Are you, really? This is the first I have heard of it!

[crusthatecean]

We created it. It's complicated and an extremely long story.

[fourscience]

That sounds extremely unlikely! Also, mythological! But I enjoy hearing stories, long or not. If you would like to tell me, I would like to hear it. Now, or another time!

[crusthatecean]

[sigh]

It can't hurt anything to explain.

But not now. I'm exhausted just thinking about it.

[fourscience]

I understand! You have just arrived, and I am sure your attention is in high demand now.

I am Nananea. Please, contact me in the future!

[crusthatecean]

Sure, I will. I'm warning you, it is an incredibly long stream of intense, unmitigated bullshit, but it probably won't hurt to get it out at someone if they actually want to hear about it.

[fourscience]

I will certainly have time, no matter how long your story is! And I will be an eager listener.

[crusthatecean]

Why do you care? If you just like to hear stories, I promise, it isn't a very good one. If my life was a story, it would be an experimental art piece where the author wipes his ass with a sheet of paper and everyone leaves disappointed.

[fourscience]

Because I enjoy learning. I am interested in what you have to say! The quality of your story does not matter.

[crusthatecean]

You won't learn anything worth knowing, but fine.

[fourscience]

We will see about that!