06 △ VIDEO

[neveraskedforthis]

[ Video--coming from Adam's tablet for once, and not his retinal enhancements. it shows him, obviously in his messy apartment, and obviously... different from what one might be used to. he's neither properly dressed nor his usual stoic, composed, monotone self.

but most notably, the lenses of his shades--which are mounted to his head--are retracted. his eyes are visibly artificial. here's the usual gravely voice: ]

...And they keep dragging more and more people here. Or is that the machine malfunctioning again? Can't be sure anymore.

Anyway, hello. My name's Adam Jensen and I'm -- [ insert vague, dismissive gesture here--his hand, too, is artificial and looks like it's made out of black metal. ] ... who the fuck even cares. I'm the local oversized can opener. Hi.

[ if it wasn't obvious before that he's drunk, it's sure as hell now. ]

Given the uh, premise under which you all arrived here as well as the popularity of thought-provoking surveys lately, let's talk about a topic each of you surely can contribute to with a story or two. Since I couldn't help but notice that we're quite a miserable bunch of misfits. Exceptions prove the rule by the way.

[ pause, during which he reaches off screen... for his smoke. ]

So, broken dreams. There's a pretty catchy song on them by Green Day which I can only recommend. But before you scurry off to find it, why don't we share with the class why we're all so damn bitter, and not only since we ended up in this shithole. Though I guess the shithole made it worse, in some cases. I don't know. Getting it off your chest might have a soothing effect, or something.

[ another pause, and he seems pensive for a moment. he might be able to offer alternative treatment methods for your troubles which may involve punching ahem. ]

Here, I'll start. I was planning to get married not too long ago, start a family. I had the perfect girl, a decent job I liked and paid well, and then--then science happened.

[ a dry, humorless chuckle. ]

Gotta love science. Your turn.

Comments

[nonedible]

Similar, yes.

[neveraskedforthis]

I can't imagine flies to taste very good.

[nonedible]

[She looks thoughtful for a moment.]

I've never eaten a fly before. We did have some very large grubs that grew around the grove that were quite delicious when roasted.

[neveraskedforthis]

...

[ ew. First Samus eating mutated spaceworm tentacles, and now this. ]

Well I hear some larvae do have a lot of proteins.

[ of course he's basing this assumption on The Lion King. ]

[nonedible]

[They're common where sylvari live and they're pests so what else are you doing to do with them after killing them?]

They are!

[neveraskedforthis]

[ Not Eat Them. ]

... You should really try some pizza or cereal instead. It'll be a whole new world, I promise.

[nonedible]

[But they go to waste otherwise! And they taste good.]

What's pizza...and cereal? [She tilts her head curiously.]

[neveraskedforthis]

Tasty food. You can get both at grocery stores. Throw some booze into the mix and you're all set.

[nonedible]

Mix it together? Strange... [She takes things literally, okay. Most confused look ever.]

[neveraskedforthis]

[ you're not supposed to take it literally, duh. But you might wanna try anyway. Cant be worse than grubs. ]

Yeah. I basically live off those three things, and I'm doing fine. So it must be good.

[ solemn, drunk nod.. ]

[nonedible]

...That does not seem like a very balanced diet. If you need someone to cook for you I can do that! I promise no grubs. [Only because she can't find any.]

[neveraskedforthis]

... Not sure if that's a good idea, though the offer is appreciated. There's nothing at all wrong with my diet. Lots of proteins too.

[ considering what happened the last time he had someone over to cook for him... ]

[nonedible]

If you insist. But the offer is always there. [She smiles brightly.]

[neveraskedforthis]

Is there a name attached to it?

[ though it's questionable he'll even remember it when he's completely sober again .. ]

[nonedible]

Oh, yes! Sorry, how rude of me. I'm Taicea.

[neveraskedforthis]

Not rude at all.

[ a longer pause. ]

Thank you for the conversation.

[nonedible]

I love talking to new people, so thank you!

[neveraskedforthis]

... Hn. Glad to hear it.

[ because adam is an antisocial little snowflake, usually, and he turns to feed off now to go fetch himself a couple more beers from the fridge. ]