Third Shot [Video]

[gamblinman]

[Nick is sitting at a table in his favorite bar, a glass of beer sitting on the table and a silver-plated lighter in his hand. He’s turning the lighter over and over, tapping it against the table occasionally.

His usual pissed-off look has been replaced with one that’s more somber.]

Y’know, I’ve never actually killed a person before. I’ve killed hundreds of zombies, and my dad took me hunting when I was younger – deer and elk, mostly. But I’ve never killed an actual person until that mission we went on.

It felt… different… than I thought it would.

[He taps a sealed package of cigarettes lying next to the beer.]

I gave up smoking about ten years ago… I’m starting to wonder why.

[The pissed-off look is back as he shakes his head irritably.]

Fuck this shit. We went back in time, right? By our standards, those fuckers had been dead for thousands of years. We were just… reenacting history. Nothing to feel guilty about.

Comments

[Audio]

[asskickersunite]

How far back in time did you guys go?

[Audio]

[gamblinman]

Fuck if I know -- I wasn't really paying that much attention.

Couple thousand years, I think.

[ video ]

[hostage]

You did what you had to do.

[But Jesse's just repeating the words someone else told him once.]

[Video ]

[gamblinman]

Wow, thanks for that stunningly original advice.

[Nick's a little cranky]

[totallytrustworthy]

Sorry, mate, killing is killing.

[It's not said without sympathy, but...you know, she's not going to sugarcoat it. She's killed, and she has standards, but it is what it is and nothing is going to change that.]

[gamblinman]

[He sighs tiredly]

Yeah, I guess it is.

[audio]

[swissarmybow]

You do what you have to do.

[Video]

[gamblinman]

Yeah but it'd be easier if I knew what the fuck I was doing it for.

voice

[implying]

Please, do feel some guilt for it. It's better to keep that.

voice

[gamblinman]

Why? It's not like it's gonna do me any good to feel guilty about it. What's done is done, right?

[feyted]

It's not a re-enactment of history when you're altering history, sir.

( War... really is hell. These aren't the sort of decisions or conversations regular people should be having. But these rationalizations aren't right either. )

Feeling guilt over something you didn't plan to do... it's natural. But it doesn't change the fact of the matter, nor does it change that it was an act carried out under orders. How you choose to live with that is something for you to decide on yourself, if you can.

[gamblinman]

Oh yeah? I think I'd believe that if it seemed like we did anything useful. Seems to me like all we did was kill a bunch of grass.

And lets be clear about something: I don't do anything under orders. I went 'cause I wanted to.

[goneonenight]

As others have said, you do what you have to, but...I wouldn't want to be the sort of person who treats it casually. Killing is supposed to take a toll on you.

[gamblinman]

I know. But it's a hell of a lot easier to kill monsters than it is to kill real people.

At least they were attacking me, too. It would have been harder if it was just in cold blood, right?

[urnotafraid]

Just because you've gone in time doesn't make it easier. Keep the guilt, just don't drown in it. It'll help you later.

[gamblinman]

Everybody keeps saying that. How exactly is feeling guilty supposed to help me?

[Voice]

[caligulas_aquarium]

Get ower it, wuss.

[yep]

[Voice]

[gamblinman]

Hey! It's not like I'm sitting here crying into a bowl of peanuts or something.

[This is what he gets for expressing his... feelings.]

voice;

[motherofnemesis]

I've been told the first kill is always the hardest.

Re: voice;

[gamblinman]

I killed more than one out there -- none of them seemed all that easy.

[video]

[charming_jerk]

[Johnny is silent for a few moments before he can form an answer. He feels exactly the same.]

...Glad I ain't alone.

[video]

[gamblinman]

It's just stupid, you know? After all the other shit I've done, this shouldn't be that big of a deal.

[Audio]

[trustycrowbar]

...Yeah. That feeling never really goes away, either. But after a while you learn to live with it, justify yourself. You have to, or else you lose your damn mind and become something less than human.

[Audio]

[gamblinman]

I'm trying to justify myself, but everyone here keeps trying to burst my damn bubble. And I've seen things that are less than human... pretty sure I'm not gonna get like that.

[video;]

[heired]

They are men who would not have died had we not arrived to alter their history.

[video;]

[gamblinman]

Well they sure as hell wouldn't be alive now.

video;

[sidecar]

[Kotetsu didn't actually kill anyone, but he failed to stop others from doing so and that puts the death toll on his head as much as anyone else's.]

Thinking about it like that just makes it worse. If we hadn't interfered those soldiers would've gone back to their families and their lives--killing them could mean we wiped out entire generations.

The Initiative can dress it up however they want, but killing a bunch of people who've never even heard of this war is just the kinda thing the United Earth would do.

Re: video;

[gamblinman]

Yeah, and maybe if we hadn't killed them they would have gone on to kill a shitload of other people. What-if's aren't really my thing.

video;

[bratworth]

It's war. People die.

[ God, he looks uncomfortable just saying that. ]

video;

[gamblinman]

I know that. Not much of a comforting thought, though.