001 - Video

[ofthegrey]

[For most of it the view is in far too close. Occasionally it sweeps back to show a table, several empty shot glasses, and two other people seated nearby, Elissa Cousland and King Cailan Theirin. It cuts on and off as he thinks of more jokes. There's no way he's sober.]



An elf, a human, and a dwarf walk into a bar and order beers. A fly lands in each beer. The elf shoves it away in disgust. The human flicks it out and starts drinking. The dwarf grabs the fly by both wings and starts shaking it over the glass screaming, "Spit it all out, you little bastard!"

-

What do you call one hundred forty-four templars? [He pauses and smirks.] Gross ignorance.

-

A Dalish went hunting and killed two bucks. He decided to take them to the taxidermist. The taxidermist asked, "So you want them mounted?"

The Dalish thought about it and shook his head. "Kissing is good enough."

-

Oh, Fiona, this one is for you. How many templars does it take to light a torch?

None. That's what mages are for.

-

An Orlesian noble's wife had twins. He squandered his entire fortune trying to find the other father.

-

Did you hear about the Tranquil who broke his leg raking leaves? He fell out of the tree.

-

What do you call three whores in the Chantry? Converts, if they know what's good for them.

-

[His eyes are a little too hard and shiny, and he takes his time getting precise focus.]

Three dead people walked into a bar.

[He cuts the feed.]

Comments

Video;

[woahwoahawkward]

[Look who's not laughing.

Alistair lets out a sigh.]

I'll be down shortly to gather you all up.

Re: Video;

[ofthegrey]

We're fine, Alistair. [He waves his hand vaguely.]

Besides. [There's a glint of mischief in his eyes.]

You don't know where we are.

action;

[ladyspitfire]

[She's having a quiet giggle fit over a few of them, don't mind her.]

Maker, you're terrible. That "three whores in a Chantry" one is going to get you in trouble.

[With whom, Elissa? Oop, she doesn't care.]

action

[ofthegrey]

That's the only one that's going to get me into trouble? How disappointing.

[He tosses back his- what? Sixth? Seventh? Like the Void he's counting.]

[video]

[peaceinchaos]

[ Oh dear...]

You all seem like you're having a good time.

Re: [video]

[ofthegrey]

[He peers at her for a little while. It's coming to him.]

Wanda. [Brightly. He's proud he dredged that up.]

We are. Much better than the sewers.

video

[onblackwings]

What are you doing?

Re: video

[ofthegrey]

Drinking whiskey. [He shakes a shot glass at the screen.]

What are you doing?

video

[selfloyalty]

[SHE WAS WAFFLING ON WHETHER TO COMMENT OR NOT.

HHHHHHH. HHHhhhhh okay yes fine.]

I have heard some of these before.

[dot dot dot]

...are you well?

Re: video

[ofthegrey]

Repeats? We can't have that. You'll have to tell me one instead.

[Evasiveness is a go.]

video

[ohmygodgreywardens]

Anora! [Oh hey, he totally heard your voice!]

Anora, a Dalish went hunting and killed two bucks. He decided to take them to the taxidermist. The taxidermist asked, "So you want them mounted?"

The Dalish thought about it and shook his head. "Kissing is good enough."

[He... may have just repeated one of the jokes instead telling his own.]

[Video]

[strategic_guile]

Ahhhh, those jokes were horrible, Duncan. [Shakes his head but he's smiling] You're not gonna fall off your stool and need help home, are you?

Re: [Video]

[ofthegrey]

You'd think they were much worse if you knew the context.

I never fall off of things, only onto things. I should be fine. [He pauses a beat.]

Do you know I fell on a cat once? The little bastard saved my life.

[demonbloodblade]

...do remember to drink some water before you sleep, or you're going to wish whatever god of yours handles death had stopped by to wake you up.

[ofthegrey]

Supposedly we only have one god. I don't think he's here.

Where I come from the liquor is safer than the water. The liquor will only have you spewing from- [His mind catches up with his mouth.]

Ah. Better part of valor.

video;

[onemoredeath]

Ah, are we playing bad drinking jokes?

Re: video;

[ofthegrey]

We are. Tell me you have one. The queen is holding out on me.

video;

[passive]

Maker's breath, those are awful. [But the templar ones get a snort out of her.]

You look like you're enjoying yourselves.

Re: video;

[ofthegrey]

It sounds like you just might know how awful. Wait, don't tell me. Let me guess.

[He blinks at the screen and squints.]

You don't look like a Nate or an Anders. You're much too pretty to be an Anders.

[Yes, let's get in a little dig at Weisshaupt while this seems like a good idea.]

Ah. Oh, Andraste's twisted knickers. What name did she tell me? Elissa mentioned you. I think.

[Never mind that Elissa is right there, and he could ask her. Trying to guess is more fun.]

video;

[ohmygodgreywardens]

[He just needs to agree to this one:]

Much too pretty to be an Anders!

[Voice]

[uncalled_for]

[NOW HE LEARNS HOW TO USE THE DAMNED THING? NOW?]

What are you doing?

Permavid

[ofthegrey]

That little thing you never learned how to stomach. I still think you should.

[He's tickled to death to hear her voice. He had been hoping he'd annoy her.]

[bloodyantivan]

[Being from the more colorful part of the seedy underbelly of the world, Zevran has heard most of these, has probably told a few of them in his day, and might even pass over the humor, except for--]

...I'm only counting two, and one amazing woman who is as impossible to kill as she is beautiful.

[He is good at keeping the worry completely off his face, out of his voice, but his heart is pounding so hard he's sure it can be heard through this damnable tablet.

Elissa lives. She has to live.]

[ladyspitfire]

[Elissa says something, lost in the noise, and she pulls out her own device to reply. She's smiling.]

Still being flattering, I see.

voice

[flagrate]

You know, I think I've heard the first one before, but it was with a Marine, a fisherman, and a pirate.

Re: voice

[ofthegrey]

You can work a pirate into almost any joke and make it funnier. Or a dwarf, come to think of it.

[action]

[ohmygodgreywardens]

[He might fall off his bar stool with how much he's laughing at these.]

Ahaha, twins! I suppose he thought he was being smart! [Is that even called laughing? It's more like giggling.]

[ofthegrey]

I can tell that joke with a clean conscience given I grew up there.

[Not that his conscience isn't clean for all of them. They're jokes. They're meant to be offensive and horrible.]