03 | Voice | Backdated to the evening of the 10th

[healplz]

Bariyan is dead.

[ Someone is having difficulties sounding his usual calm and measured today! This comes out sounding pretty forced. ]

I tried to — I'm sorry. I could do nothing for him, and... and perhaps the Initiative, as they've done for others, will return him. I couldn't— 

[ a pause. ]

I'm sorry.

Comments

[healplz]

I... don't mean to sound melodramatic, but there is little anyone can do. [ but nonetheless... ] I am at the clinic.

[moralperil]

I'm coming by.

[DRAMATIC PAUSE.]

Where's the clinic?

[healplz]

[ stop moping long enough to give directions? that sounds haaaard. but nonetheless, in a few seconds and after a quick exhale, come the directions, flatly given. ]

[moralperil]

[Mahdi arrives just over a half hour later. Okay. He's not great with directions. He's also carrying a small grocery bag.]

Ashraf? I brought you some sandwiches...

[healplz]

[ Ashraf glances up from a kind of slumped seat in a chair near to the door, straightening himself to see Mahdi. Feeling miserable is one thing, looking miserable is another. He can't manage a smile, though, and drops his gaze guiltily. ]

Thank you, the thought is kind. I'm afraid I'm not hungry, though.

[moralperil]

Please take them with you. They're chicken salad.

[He sets the bag of sandwiches nearby, somewhere he hops will catch Ashraf's eye later. He turns around and gently puts his arms around Ashraf's shoulder. It's a lot easier with Ashraf sitting down.]

You did everything you could. I'm sure of it.

[healplz]

[ There's a second where he's a little surprised, but — right. This is Mahdi. Mahdi likes hugs. So he only closes his eyes, not returning it, but certainly not resisting. ]

Everything I could do was far too little.

[moralperil]

Yeah. I know how you feel.

[Mahdi withdraws with a little squeeze, looking into Ashraf's face.] It's normal to be sad, to want to cry, or even be angry or numb. But I'm here, okay?

[healplz]

[ He only looks back until Mahdi pauses speaking, and then he's quickly dropping his eyes to the ground again, even as he nods. ]

Yes. And... thank you for that. [ He gestures weakly to the chair next to his, for Mahdi to take a seat. ] I would offer you tea, but the clinic has run out of milk.

[moralperil]

Don't worry about it. [Mahdi doesn't sit down. He looks thoughtful a moment, looking around the clinic, and then says:] Why don't we have it at your place instead? I can make you some tea, run you a bath or whatever... and you can get some rest. And eat.

[healplz]

[ As tempting as it is, he only shakes his head. ]

The work of the clinic is never finished; I am more useful here, helping.

[ Here, where he actually can help. Feeling useless is pretty awful. ]

[moralperil]

[Mahdi places his hands on his hips. His lips flatten to a very serious line.]

How long have you been here today?

[healplz]

Since... [ He falters just a little, losing some of that weary calm. ] Since shortly after Bariyan was killed.

[moralperil]

Don't you think it's dangerous for you to be here working when you're worn out like this? Not just for you, but for your patients. [Mahdi offers him a hand up.]

I'm not gonna leave you alone, and I bet I have more energy than you do right now. Let me take you home.

[healplz]

No, I don't think so.

[ Guilt is brushed aside, and his tone is suddenly sharp. He glances once at the hand, then pointedly away. His nerves are frayed and his temper is easier to invoke than it should be, but he can't stop himself. ]

Here is where I am able to help people, and here I will stay. There is no danger in it, to them or myself.

[moralperil]

[Mahdi's shoulders drop in a shrug.]

Okay. Whatever you say.

[And a bright smile:] I'm gonna stay and keep an eye on you! You just let me know how I can help and if I can fetch anything for you.

[healplz]

[ The continued brightness pretty effectively dissolves the spark of anger, and he melts back into that earlier slump. ]

Mahdi, I— I'm sorry. You've been very kind, I did not mean to be short.

[moralperil]

Ashraf, you weren't being short.

I'm being short! [He yanks a thumb at himself, practically glimmering with concentrated cheer.] All day every day!

[healplz]

[ and Ashraf just. stares. God, that's almost as bad as a bard joke. He sighs, but there might be a tiny twitch at one corner of his lips. ]

Very clever.

[moralperil]

I thought so! [Mahdi laughs at his own joke, because obviously Ashraf's not gonna.]

I don't mind if you're cross with me. It's fine if you're sad or angry right now, anyone would be.

[He speaks rather softly.] Just... let me take care of you. Please? I want to feel useful too.

[healplz]

[ Well, that's definitely a want he can empathize with, even if, as a priest, he shouldn't need taking care of. He nods, quietly, and flicks a glance at the sandwiches in their bag. He's still not hungry, but he knows enough to know he should eat.

So he stands, digging into the shopping bag to unwrap one of the sandwiches. Low, and not too convincing: ] It's good. Thank you.

[moralperil]

They're tarragon chicken salad. I hope that's okay, it's what I had in the fridge. There's some fruits in there too.

[Mahdi tugs on his shoes and on the edge of his chair, fidgeting.] Back at my old job they always used to say that a soul in grieving is in a lot of jeopardy. People tend to blame themselves for these big things that no one has individual control over, and if they lose hope, then they might lose direction, and the soul could be permanently lost.

[healplz]

It's fine.

[ ...Which could apply to either the sandwich, or the concern about souls. Ashraf's turned back isn't giving many clues, either way. He's quiet for a few seconds after, considering. Of course he'd already decided that Mahdi isn't human, or at least something more than just human, but now seems a poor time to ask about it.

...But then again, just now he doesn't feel up to respecting the privacy of others as studiously as he usually does. ]

May I ask you something?

[moralperil]

Sure. Whatever you want.

[Mahdi asks, completely guileless.]

[healplz]

What are you?

[ It's asked mildly, without accusation, and he only glances back over his shoulder after asking it, to add: ] I am only curious. You need not answer, if you don't want to.