Initiative Announcement #007; Voice;

[initiatesnpc]

[ Oh, look, a voice post from the official Initiative frequency — it's probably all kinds of important and official. ]

Oh, boy, have we ever got a treat for you guys. [ …If it's so important and official, why does the speaker sound slightly drunk? ] You guys're all slacking with those weapons we whipped up for you, don't even pretend otherwise. Slackers. Sheesh, lead a horse to a laser cannon, but you can't make him fire it…

Anyway, that's alright. It's alright! We whipped up something else for you. You guys're gonna love this one. State of the art, alright? VR is old news, but wait till you see what we did with it. Sometimes I even impress myself, which isn't easy, because I usually know just how genius I am.

[ It's at about this point that the recorder picks up another voice in the background. The words are indistinct, but the tone is inquiring. This new speaker sounds way too professional to ever be drunk. ]

—No, I wasn't talking to you. Anyway, Transports, we're thinking… a week. A week? A week. Sounds good. We'll have this baby up and running in a week, and you'll love it. Money back guarantee if you don't.

[ The voice in the background is getting closer, words can be picked out. ”…talking to the Transports? Doctor, are you—” ]

I'm still not talking to you! [ ”Doctor, early release of information on this project was expressly prohibited!” ] Oh, calm the hell down, kid. I got this. [ And more fully into the mic: ] You're gonna love it, guys. You'll see.

[ And the broadcast ends, amid harried background protest. ]

Comments

[stonefaith]

Why don't you?

[initiatesnpc]

I'm a thinky guy, not a fighty guy. Why do you think we brought you schmucks in?

[stonefaith]

But the same could be said for many of the other transports brought in.

[initiatesnpc]

Yeah, well, we need more brains in this joint. Do you have any idea how thick some of my buddies around here are?

[stonefaith]

I don't, actually. Care to fill me in?

[initiatesnpc]

I got this guy down the hall from me, he actually thinks mitochondrial DNA is patrilineal. Patrilineal! Can you believe it?

[1/3]

[stonefaith]

[stonefaith]

[ ..................... ]

[stonefaith]

I don't think those are real words.

[initiatesnpc]

Hell, at the rate that guy's going, I'm surprised he knows they are.

[stonefaith]

I see.

This VR is entirely your own work, then?

[initiatesnpc]

Almost! Sometimes I get the interns in on it if the screws aren't screwing right. [ aka if he's too drunk to manipulate tools ] They got a knack for that.