002 | voice (backdated to 07/19)

[district7]

[Long time no speak, Exsilium.

Johanna's clicking on the voice feed to ask an important question. For those of you who have spoken to her before, you can tell her tone is lacking its usual bite, colored by exhaustion.]

We got any useful people with powers out there? Ones that aren't all talk and whine.

[There's a scratching sound and an lengthy yawn.]

This rain has gone on long enough.

Comments

[fortissimos]

Kinda. It's just hard to go out and do anything, you know?

[ Which leads to sitting alone and thinking, and too much of that is never a good thing. The second part sounds way too familiar, though, and she frowns; a tiny bit of bitterness creeping into her tone. ]

They're always like that. Either they talk big and never do anything, or only use their powers for themselves anyway. [ Making generalized assumptions sure is fun. ] I guess this place isn't any different.

[district7]

Yeah, I've got an idea. [That comes out sounding more frustrated than she intends, but it's been eight days since she could bring herself to leave her room. The weakness, the helpless feeling comes back if she gets too close to the doors, the outside.]

You're saying you wouldn't? [The generalizations don't bother her-she's done the same when angered enough-but Johanna tends to err towards the realistic.] There's some you can sucker into getting help from. We're not short on do-gooder types.

[fortissimos]

[ Something about that last part really jumps out at Sayaka. Realistic or not, she's not about to stop and think about things rationally anytime soon. ]

Of course I wouldn't! [ The sudden anger in her voice is unintentional - it's dumb, and she should know better, but stupid ideals are all she has left. ] Even the ones who act like they're being helpful are just in it for themselves somehow. None of them really care about helping others unless there's some kind of reward.

[district7]

Even if it meant dying for someone you don't know?

[There's no venom behind the question despite Sayaka's anger. Johanna's used to bringing that reaction out of people, a vicious talent where she works out what makes a person tick and exploits it. That isn't her intention right now-stupid ideals aren't going to piss her off when she's not relying on this person to watch her back-but she still files it away.]

That's most people for you, not just one with power. Expecting them to do otherwise is setting yourself up for failure.

[fortissimos]

Just because most people do it doesn't make it right.

[ But it's not wrong, either, to expect some kind of reward for your work; Sayaka just doesn't see the shades of grey between selfish and selfless. ]

It's the duty of those with power to protect everyone else. If that happened, I'd be fine with it. [ Or so she tells herself. ] It would mean I wasn't strong enough to be useful anymore.

[district7]

[That does get her to roll her eyes, just a bit. Noble ideas and dying for a cause are great on paper, not so much in practice, she's found.]

I don't care what it is, that's just how it works. You either manage or you let yourself get screwed over.

[Johanna raises an eyebrow, a little doubtful a kid is willing to go that far. She wouldn't have at that age, but then again, this girl probably isn't from Panem.] Clearly you don't have any sense of self preservation, then.

[fortissimos]

It's selfish. [ And human. ] Putting yourself first is the same as screwing over someone else. You can say things just work that way, but that's only because nobody really cares enough.

[ Prioritizing your own survival isn't what heroes do. ]

[district7]

Just like people. [Seeing it firsthand has cemented that as fact.] I can live with that but obviously you can't. If you want to start a one person revolution to change people, go ahead. I won't stop you.

[Believing in heroes was something she stopped doing a long time ago.]

[fortissimos]

So you don't care about people taking advantage of others? [ Maybe if Sayaka was a little less naive, a little less stubborn, she'd realize there's a middle ground to be had - to her, though, there's only the selfish and the selfless, with nothing in between. ] It's not worth trying to change their minds. I'll be the only one who fights for what's right if I have to be.

[district7]

If it has nothing to do with me, yes. I don't care. [She wouldn't have helped Katniss if she was as indifferent as she says, but even then her motivations were clear. She wanted Snow gone and at the time, there was no other way.] And you'll end up dead for it. That will do you and the people you were trying to help lots of good.