exsilium | 002 | voice (backdated to 07/19)

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002 | voice (backdated to 07/19)

[Long time no speak, Exsilium.

Johanna's clicking on the voice feed to ask an important question. For those of you who have spoken to her before, you can tell her tone is lacking its usual bite, colored by exhaustion.]

We got any useful people with powers out there? Ones that aren't all talk and whine.

[There's a scratching sound and an lengthy yawn.]

This rain has gone on long enough.

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[And she's there to greet her, a two towels sitting in her arms. She makes no move to get closer to Katniss, even backs up a little as the other girl wrings out her hair. Johanna's lip trembles for a moment before she bites down on it. No, she's not going to be affected.

Instead, she chucks the towels at Katniss' face.] Yesterday. You aren't missing out on much.

[She watches Johanna carefully. Her reflexes are even fast enough at this point she she catches the towels. Letting one drop to the floor, she stands on it as she works the other through her hair] Relax, I'm not going to drip on you. Much.

How about at all? [Not waiting for her to follow as she heads back to her spot on the couch.]

[Katniss's eyes follow her. She wraps her hair up in the towel and steps off the other one, using it in a failed attempt at drying off her clothes] You can't stay like this forever.

[Flopping down.]

Says who?

Says me. [She leaves the towel on the floor] Move over, if you're scared of me.

Try again. You're not the Mockingjay anymore. [She glares, refusing to budge at first. This is her house and she's not going to be intimidated.

That doesn't last too long, as she takes in Katniss' wet, dripping clothes. Reluctantly, she scoots away.]

[She drops onto the couch, making sure to stay on the other side of Johanna] I'm not talking as the Mockingjay. I can be Katniss too, you know.

And you're just going to order me all better?

You really think I'd do that? [She toes off one of her shoes. Her foot is damp, but not wet. She stretches her leg across the couch and nudges Johanna with it]

[She starts to retort but stops when Katniss' foot comes in contact with her leg. Johanna's heavily clothed but she can still imagine the water dripping, running against her skin. She closes her eyes and bites her lip, going absolutely still.

Eventually, she mutters:] I think your feet stink.

[Katniss jerks her leg away, not liking that she's the one making Johanna do that] Like you can talk. [She mutters it, looking away]

You can't let them win, okay?

[The tensions doesn't immediately ease out of her body, slowly dissipating. She considers removing her pants regardless of Katniss' presence-she's given her an eyeful before-but holds back. She doesn't need to appear weaker than she already is.]

I rub down. [Not the same as a bath but she doesn't care.

And here's the difficult part, admitting she doesn't know how. Not in this case. Dealing with what they took away from her was easier, something she could detach herself from because as awful as it had been, it still hadn't happened to her.]

I'm not. [There's frustration in her voice, not directed at Katniss, but at herself.]

Uh huh.

[Her expression turns weirdly intense] Yes you are. You got out, and the Capitol's gone, but they're still holding you prisoner. You're not even trying to get over this. [There's frustration in her tone as well, although it's unclear who it's directed at]

Are you talking to me, or yourself?

[Her eyebrows furrow together but she knows she's making excuses, deflecting back on Katniss. Her shrink had encouraged letting out her feelings and sharing, when he wasn't completely frustrated with her behavior, but this... She's not sure she can get over the nauseous, panicking sensation that feels like it's going to sweep her away when she tries.]

I can't do it alone. [Even admitting that much makes her want to puke.]

[There's a pause, before Katniss shoves her with her (now dry, thanks couch) foot] I'm trying. I'm not very good at it, but I'm trying.

[Katniss has never been very good at being what you'd call soft, but something about her countenance shifts at that admission. It's not pity - there's no room for that - but maybe something like understanding.]

Then don't do it alone, brainless. I'm right here.

[She wrinkles her nose in disgust (seriously Katniss, your feet smell) before shoving her foot away.] How?

[Because if someone else has coping methods better than avoidance, she wants to know them. Johanna's lip twitches, despite the seriousness of the situation she's trying not to laugh, instead settling for rolling her eyes.]

You're gonna hold my hand through this?

[A quick grin flickers across her face, before settling into something more thoughtful. She tips her head up to the ceiling] Slowly. And...in small pieces. Some days are bad. Some days are terrible. And some days are okay. I have more days that are okay now than I did a month ago. [Her expression twists slightly, although it's hard to see what with her staring at the ceiling and all] At least, before coming here. Being here is...hard.

[Her eyes drift over to look at Johanna in time to see her lips twitch.] I'm going to take it and drag you. It's sort of the same.

[To an observer it would seem like she wasn't listening, intently studying the scars along Katniss' neck as she tilts her head back. She's hanging on every word.] They're not going to make you fight. There's nothing for them to use against you here. [Not reassuring, not really, but Johanna's never had trouble with coming to terms with the games. This is just one more arena, with different rules.

She smirks openly at that, nudging her with her elbow before slowly standing.] Then let's get it over with.

[She can feel the gaze on her neck. She usually gets uncomfortable with people looking at them but this is Johanna.] I thought...that I wouldn't ever let them make me fight again. But I didn't have anything to live for, then. [a snort] You're here. [GAY] And I can't let Finnick die again, even though he says you'll fight for me. They can always find something else to take.

[She blinks in response, before her lips curve into a smile. It's not...happiness, but it's about as close as Katniss gets, these days]

[She says nothing for a moment, her eyes trailing upward to stare blankly at her face. There's no shock to that confession, she knew their relationship had ~~gotten really homoerotic~~ changed since 13 but hearing that put to words... It wasn't what she was expecting.

Eventually, she swallows and speaks.] Not if you play along. You don't admit to that out loud, brainless. [The words hold no ire behind them, despite the message.

Johanna doesn't quite return the smile, still too affected by the implication behind what she said. That doesn't change that her gaze is almost soft, considering as she offers Katniss a hand up off the couch.]

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002 | voice (backdated to 07/19)

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