exsilium | 009 ↔ video

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009 ↔ video

[There's something different about Saul today.

He's seated in front of the camera, as usual, and he's in a suit, also as usual, but —

Oh, maybe it's the fact that Stephanie's leaning against his shoulders as he speaks, which takes away all possibility of him being his usual, businesslike self.

It might be that.]

Hey, everyone. As some of you've noticed, Jesse Pinkman went home a couple of weeks ago. Since there was some concern over the cookie situation last month, we — [With a brief nod upward, toward Steph — ] Figured that we'd harness some of the holiday spirit that's been goin' around and make sure this month's newbies are fed and clothed. Feferi will be taking care of handing out jackets and whatnot on the first, and Steph and I will be manning the cookie table alongside anyone else who decides to join us.

[Without missing a beat, Steph adds:]

Might even see if I can get one of those big urns to put hot cocoa in, to help warm the newbies up, and us, if we're hanging around there for a while. Any chance you can help out with that, Ella?

[She gives the camera a bright smile, which is mostly for Ella's sake. Sorry about abusing your powers.]

What we're not gonna do is make a party of it. I know that kinda sucks, but we just don't have the space, so the plan is that everyone who wants to can bake a couple batches in their own ovens, then bring them to our place sometime on the thirty first. If you don't know the address already and you're planning to help out, I'll give it to you here. [But she's not - just giving it out on the network openly.] If you need ingredients, let me know; I went on a mission and made sure we had plenty of stuff so I can give you flour or sugar or choc chips. Same goes for the recipe. Annnnd if you need help getting cookies to us, speak up, and we'll work something out.

[For a second, it looks like she's about to wrap it up, but then something else occurs to her.]

Speaking of parties, I dunno if anyone's doing anything for New Year's Eve, but if they are, can everyone try to get the cookies to me before like - seven, so I can still go out. Thanks.

[At which point Saul looks up and over at her, feigning a pout.]

Sorry, so we can go out.

[And then he's all smiles.

Before the feed clicks off, he adds another "thanks," and away they go.]

[Then, a private text to Sonya from Steph, sent only moments later:] sonya, i know you're smart enough to put two and two together, but please don't say anything to anyone else. it's not something that needs to be spread around.

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When

whenever you're ready

What, will you both still be there two days from now?

[But she shows up within the hour. Her expression is pinched. She doesn't even bother looking friendly or happy or sweet. She doesn't even bother with any illusion of happiness. She just strides in and says, sourly - ]

Oh, where are your cookie-baking smiles? I'd expected to show up to giggling, and parties, and chocolate chips.

I think Steph was pretty explicit about there not being a cookie-baking party.

[Saul's the one who greets her, except it's less of a greeting than it is a general acknowledgment. He doesn't look pissed, but he doesn't look happy, either.

Still, that doesn't mean he's going to forget his manners.]

You want anything to drink?

I'd ask for a scotch on the rocks, but I'm sort of on the wagon right now.

[She says that sardonically, like it's a joke, with no more explanation; it's true, though, after a fashion, since a certain degree of guilt is drawing her closer to the tenets of her faith. But she doesn't think that either of them even know she's got a religion, so that's why she says it so sarcastically.

And, at once, she launches in with no more taunts, no more small talk:]

Tell me Small fucking well knows about this bullshit. And if you say no to me, then your fucking bodyguard might as well break my kneecaps right now, because otherwise I am going to launch myself over and claw your fucking eyes out.

She knows.

[It took Saul a week to convince himself that it wasn't suicide, so it took him a week to get Roslyn involved, but — she knows.]

Here's my problem, Sonya. You remember what happened during the mutiny? When all those unqualified people decided to get involved by calling for punishments and executions and generally stopped thinking rationally? I've got a newsflash for you: People loved Jesse. If they hear that he's dead and that we suspect murder before anything's been determined for sure, we're gonna have one hell of a situation on our hands. Do you wanna deal with that again?

Oh, sure.

[She's a bit less vicious, more sardonic, with that assurance that at least Roslyn is aware - because at least Roslyn will go in with good intentions.]

Sure, yeah. God forbid we have to put up with a fuckload of whining again. Yeah, you're right, letting people know that there's a probable murderer out there, and oh, letting people who loved him get a rare bit of information beyond just he's gone - that's nothing compared to us having to listen to people whining.

The people who loved him are dumb motherfuckers, and I hate every last one of them and wish nothing but misery on them. But they also deserve better than this shit.

[Saul glances over toward where Steph's hovering to be sure she's there, just in case what he's about to say does get him hit.

When he looks back at Sonya, his expression is neutral — almost cold.]

It's not the whining I'm worried about — it's the people who decide to take things into their own hands. The ones who want to "investigate," the ones who want to carry out justice when their idea of it is hacking off limbs. Anyway, if you think the people who loved Jesse deserve better, then why the fuck are you talking to us this way?

[But that earns nothing more than a scornful laugh.]

Hacking off limbs? Who the fuck do you think he was, Jesus Christ? I mean, seriously - do you have anyone in mind who loved him who would go around engaging in torture to find his killer? Because if so, I'd love to hear.

[Silently, he points to Steph.

He'd point to himself, too, but we all know that he's all talk.

Then, to break the silence, he adds:] Among others who have far less self-control.

[All she does is lift a shoulder in a lazy shrug.

Because it's true.]

[And that earns another, nastier laugh.]

Then why the fuck are either of you on the fucking case? If you're willing to go that far, then you need to step the fuck aside.

[And, to Steph:]

And that's some nice enforcement of your word. What the fuck happened to being done with him? Now you're willing to kill in his memory?

I'm willing, Saul isn't. And I'm not on the case.

[And that's true, because she isn't. Officially.

But then nothing she does is official.]

If someone did that to him, I'm making sure it doesn't happen to anyone else. Not to mention that Jesse wasn't the only one hurt.

[Ellie, Saul, Lisbeth. That's where the revenge aspect really comes in, though it would in part be for Jesse.]

[And Sonya stares at Steph a moment, then gives another laugh, shriller.]

Fucking...Have I been taking crazy pills? Have I honestly, seriously, been taking crazy pills, or has the world fucking gone defective around me?

[And then she gestures to the side, the motion like a slash.]

You honestly don't see what the fuck is wrong with saying, oh, we need to keep this quiet so that no one engages in vigilante justice, and then you chatter blithely about how you're gonna engage in vigilante justice? You don't maybe see an eensy-weensy little problem with your logic there?

[She's almost surprisingly passive in the face of that, for her, at least, just watching Sonya while she rants.]

Apparently you missed the part about self-control. [another shrug, and a brief glance at Saul] The words you used, that I agreed to, where would and willing. Last I checked that doesn't mean will. If someone killed him and we find out who, I'm hoping the police can handle it, but if not, I'm willing to make sure it doesn't happen to anyone else, whatever that takes.

[Anyway, it's not like she doesn't know she's a hypocrite.]

[Another laugh.]

Then you have no right to keep that from other people. Because if you claim that right, then others do, too.

[She shakes her head, the tension in her neck clear from the jerkiness of the motion.]

Give me a reason why I shouldn't broadcast a follow-up message to yours saying exactly what happened to him. And, sorry, "We're keeping them from vigilante justice so I can get my piece" won't fly. I'm hearing you right now, and I would very much like a reason, but that's not it.

Because you have no right to say anything about Jesse Pinkman. [This is snapped at her through his teeth. What follows, after he's taken a breath, is less angry — but only a little:] You had no right to announce to the entire network that he did what he did during the mutiny, either. It's not your place, Sonya. I don't give a shit if you think you're doing what's "right" — which, by the way, is hilarious, considering how you threatened to starve him — because I know, and Steph knows, and I'm sure plenty of other people will know that you're getting some sick satisfaction out of this. And how do you think that'll make you look, huh? Making an example of him for your own selfish, bullshit reasons again — nice.

[No, okay. The anger's back.]

When the truth is ready to come out, it'll be from my mouth. I'm his lawyer. I'm the one who cares about him. It'll come from me, not you. Are we clear?

[She remains calm in appearance, but her voice is hard:]

Yet another repetition of something I said in anger and didn't mean and a lot of condescending ordering me about. Not your best effort, Goodman. No.

[And a twisted smile:]

And I gave up on having any sort of reputation, or fucking future, when I agreed to represent the mutineers. So don't come at me like my image is worth shit any longer. Try again.

Something you said in anger that left someone terrified that that would actually happen.

[He clicks his tongue, all disapproval.]

You need to choose your words more carefully, Sonya. I'd suggest you start by keeping those that have anything to do with Jesse's death to yourself for now.

I'd suggest you fuck yourself.

[Another laugh, jagged and unpleasant.]

And seriously, Goodman, treating me like a drooling idiot child isn't winning you any points. As a matter of fact, it's losing you points. You're starting to drop pretty fucking far into negatives, in point of fact.

[Flatly:] Oh no, I'm back on your shit list.

[Cue a roll of the eyes as he looks over toward Steph like, Can you believe this?]

How about we try this: I'll ask you nicely. Please don't go to anyone else with this. [It's not begging, but he sounds very sincere.] You don't have to do it for me or for Steph, so — do it for Lisbeth. Do it for the person who's grieving the most. The last thing she needs is for someone to turn this into a spectacle.

[Least of all Sonya.

Saul is pretty sure Lisbeth would go after her in a heartbeat.]

[That -

Is, at last, a reason that means something to her. Some bit of the aggression melts out of her face. She still doesn't look anything like happy or friendly or not-pissed, but it's a step in the right direction.]

There are more than just her, you know. More than just her that deserve to know. Justify keeping it from them.

I had to tell Ellie that Jesse was gone.

[It's quiet, almost, but there's still a hard edge to it.

Sonya has no fucking right to talk about the people who love Jesse.]

Until I know for certain what happened, telling her we don't know, telling her maybe it was murder, is only going to hurt her even more. If we wait for more conclusive proof either way and then tell people, they can have closure.

[She lifts her chin.]

It's not your right to decide that.

And it's not your right to take the situation into your own hands in the name of goodness and righteousness and whatever the hell other convenient excuse you have for your shitty behavior, especially when you didn't give a shit about him. So it seems we're at an impasse.

[The look he gives her this time is challenging. Try to tell him otherwise.]

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