[ voice ]

[hostage]

[He's so bored, he can't take it anymore. Asking for trouble, maybe, but there's all kinds of excitement he's missing with the new arrivals, and he's not used to missing out on it. He keeps the video feed off, unlike usual, because both his cell and he himself are a mess. His voice is only slightly hoarse, recovering from a first week in custody that was spent screaming.]

So what's the deal with all you new guys? Usually I do this in person but I'm, uh, a little tied up right now. Anyway, lemme hear it. Where you from? Whatcha usually get up to? How you feeling about being in this skanky shithole up on the moon?

Hope the rest of you guys didn't leave 'em starving.

Comments

[hostage]

Hey, different ladies got different tastes. It's all about finding somebody who loves you exactly how you are.

[the_human]

Yeah! Exactly, dude.

[He sounds quite satisfied-- but oh, this is about entertaining Jesse. Right. So-oo--]

Hey, truth or dare?

[hostage]

Oh, shit. Ummm... Truth.

[the_human]

[Thank god; he's not 100% sure what to do if he gets dare.]

Uh, okay . . . what's the most . . . yeah, okay! What's the most embarrassing thing you've ever done?

[hostage]

Oh, Jesus, um...

I fell off a roof in my underwear and my high school teacher saw me. That was pretty bad.

[To put it lightly.]

[the_human]

Aw, well, school is lame anyway! And if he didn't know that walking around in your underwear is the best, sucks to be him.

[hostage]

[Ugh, no. Mr. White is too into that. Pedo creepo. Filed under: Things Jesse Cannot Tell Children.]

So - Wait, is it my turn now? Truth or dare?

[the_human]

Truth, yo!

[hostage]

What's the most awesome thing you ever seen?

[the_human]

Aww, dude . . .

[A pause, as he thinks-- but finally:]

Maybe . . . yeah. So like . . . there's these two dudes, right? The Lemons. They're, you know, lemons. Princess Bubblegum, she rules where I live, she made them. Well, she made one, and then she made him a . . . I think they're like brothers? Or boyfriends? It's kinda unclear. Anyway! So she left the recipie for how to make candy life there, and they're preeeetty stupid, so they made more and more and more lemonkids, and animals, and junk, but they made so many they couldn't feed them! And one of them that they made, Lemonjon, was so huge he was bigger than a castle.

So the Lemondorks were gonna go and take over the Candy Kingdom, and eat us all and also make more kids, because again, pretty stupid, and when Lemonjon heard, he just . . . he got all, like, moral? In a way the Lemons never were. He sacrificed himself and exploded into lemondrops so everyone could eat and not starve and not attack the Candy Kingdom.

That was pretty awesome. And sad. But in a good way, you know? Like, it was sad, but also made you feel good.

[hostage]

[Finn's world is the most amazing acid trip, apparently.]

...Dang.

[the_human]

Yeah. It was pretty intense.

It's weird, actually. All this stuff is kinda normal for me, but I still haven't met anyone who has the junk in their world we do.

[hostage]

Yeah, ain't nothing like my world. Most people here got magic where they come from, at least, but we don't even got that back there. 'cept in stories.

[the_human]

That's really weird, yo. It sounds kinda . . . boring. Like, what do you do all day?