exsilium | ☼ 005 [audio]

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☼ 005 [audio]

[Lea's voice is quiet, strained. Anyone who knows him can tell there's something really wrong that he's trying not to let show--that's why this is audio only.]

So I have a question. Whenever we get back to earth and all... would, ah... would anyone be interested in making a memorial of some sort? I mean I know that the people who come and go here aren't necessarily dead, but. Well, enough of them don't come back that it kinda seems that way.

I just think it'd be kinda nice to have something to remember them by.

Memories are all some people have, after all.

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[This sure is depressing.]

Have you...lost a lot of friends here?

A memorial, huh...

[ he thinks of john, thinks of ranka, thinks of the little girl who drew her world in his notes painstakingly, every detail rendered. ]

And some people don't even have that.

[He clears his throat.]

A few. Even one is too many, really. Losing people isn't exactly something anybody enjoys, I'd think.

[But he won't make eye contact at first. He rubs the back of his neck and shakes his head.]

Well, they should. Somebody lives as long as the last person who remembers them, so. [He'll look up now, something wounded and unsure in his eyes.] Maybe it'd help.

[ leave it to lea to make a way for people to remember everyone. ]

Maybe.

We'll all remember her, here. Roxas already knows, right?

Yeah, he knows. He knew before I did. Poor kid looked everywhere for her, and... [He grits his teeth and makes a sibilant noise.] I know there's nothing I could have done about it but I feel like I somehow blew it anyway. She's gone and... she doesn't even exist back home. I didn't even remember her back home, it wasn't until I got back here and remembered her being here that I--

[He cuts himself off with a wave of one hand.]

No one should be forgotten like that.

It's not your fault. None of us remember her. [ he speaks deliberately, but there's a softer edge to his tone. ]

You're right. No one should be forgotten. We'll make the extra step to not forget her, here.

[That's just it: it is his fault. If he'd just taken her away instead of taking her back to the castle... But what's done is done. He nods firmly, but can't quite find anything more to say. He's actually finding it a little hard to see straight right now. Ugh, maybe he'll go get a coffee.]

Yeah...I can imagine. I just lost some friends from home and it still feels bad.

Isn't it going to be weird if your friends come back and see their names on some memorial, though?

Ah... maybe. You think? I dunno, I'm pretty sure at least one of 'em would appreciate it.

[A shrug, though he knows she can't see it.]

I left and came back and remembered having been here, and it was kind of great to know people remembered me. In peoples' memories, someone can live forever, so I just thought it might be...

[He trails off, then sighs.]

Maybe it is too weird.

No...! It's...a good idea. Maybe I'm just thinking too much. About being remembered.

[She gives an awkward sort of laugh.]

What else will you put on the memorial? You have to put more than their names or it will be weird.

Else? [He hasn't really planned that far.] Mm... maybe like something they did while they were here. Even something small--just something you remember them for. Maybe there could be a list or something people could add to?

[A pause, and he frowns.]

But then I guess popular people would have a lot of stuff and it might be upsetting if anyone comes back and only has a couple things. [A frustrated noise.] I dunno, ah... any ideas?

People get upset about that?

[Isn't it enough to know you're remembered at all?]

You could limit it to one thing per name. Or...I don't know! What do you normally put on these things?

I-I dunno! [He suddenly feels kind of dumb for suggesting something he really doesn't know anything about.] I mean I don't want it to look like a popularity contest or something. Who Was Missed More, or whatever, that'd... be really awful.

I've never actually been to a memorial. I know what one is, but I don't really know what goes into one. Maybe I should do some recon or something.

[He'll flip the video feed on now, figuring he should at least be appreciative. He's awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck, his eyes sort of far away.] Sorry, didn't mean to put you on the spot. I'm... having a lousy day.

Name's Lea, what's yours?

[ ... riku'll leave the network alone for now; he figures lea will be busy enough without him trying to pry, and this kind of work is best done face-to-face.

it's a few minutes until riku is nearby, hands in his pockets and not quite sure of himself, but enough to know that he can't let this lie. ]

You gonna talk about it?

[Lea knows as soon as Riku enters the room--whatever Riku thinks about how strong he may or may not be, he's got a powerful presence, and even in the cafeteria he can tell when he's there. He scowls at the coffee in the mug between his hands, then snaps one leg out to kick the seat across from him, shoving it away from the table a bit: a wordless invitation for Riku to sit.]

Talking is dumb. [His face darkens.] I could talk for a hundred years and it wouldn't change anything.

Edited 2013-11-27 09:46 (UTC)

[ that's certainly more than he was expecting, but he places his hand on the back of the chair before sitting down. he feels himself slumping, he crosses his arms on the table and settles his chin down on them. ]

I've always thought... talking's a way to remember someone. You keep them alive.

She deserves to be here making her own new memories... not to just be stuck reliving the ones in our h... hearts. [Still having a hard time with that word.

[He sighs, then glances up at Riku briefly before glowering into his coffee again.]

I should have at least been paying more attention. Roxas went running all over the damn base looking for her. Barefoot, even. I didn't even realize she was gone until he came pounding on the door. I feel like an ass.

[ he frowns. ]

You missed something, but that doesn't make you worse than him. [ you nap a lot, he almost says, but shuts up. ] We can't pay attention to the network every second of every day to see who's left and who hasn't.

Maybe she'll come back. We don't know.

And maybe she won't. And maybe if I'd just been less of a coward she'd have something to even go back to.

[The words are sharp, his tone ragged and heavy with a sort of grief he's just not prepared to handle. This isn't what a heart is for, is it? Is it supposed to hurt this much? He doesn't remember. He doesn't even have anything to compare it to. He doesn't remember what it felt like to lose Xion the first time, because back home he didn't remember having lost her, so he can't even gauge if this heart of his is making it more acute.

[He hasn't broken eye contact with the coffee. It's easier than looking Riku in the eye right now.]

I should have spent more time with her. I... should have said so much more than I did.

[ what am i supposed to say?

he looks down, himself. he's thought the same thing, with everyone who disappeared. he should've talked more to them--should've gotten to know terra better, should've hung out with ven, should've done more with kairi, should've learned more from aqua. maybe this wouldn't be happening if he'd spent a little more time elsewhere. could this have all been avoided? ]

Lea... [ i'm sorry.

what is he supposed to say, really? he's not numb to this pain, but it's happened so many times, riku has started assuming his friends will be gone in less than a week. ]

What was the last thing you guys talked about? Do you remember?

[The problem is Lea holds onto his friendships for dear life. That's something he's done since he was a kid, and something that isn't likely to change. Even after Isa changed, fell prey to the dark fragments of Xehanort, became Saïx more than he himself had ever embraced what Axel was supposed to be, he'd still tried to maintain the friendship.

[He hadn't tried hard enough, though. Instead of making Saïx talk about what was going on, he'd just watched him walk away. Just like he'd watched Roxas walk away. He told himself he wasn't going to let anyone else just disappear out of his life that way, and now...

[Lea clears his throat, tries to swallow the ache there, and continues staring at his coffee.]

We, ah... I guess the last real conversation we had was not long after I got back. I told her and Roxas about what happened back home, how I'd gotten my heart back and all.

[He glances up again, and his eyes are bright with regret.]

Other than that it was just kinda... generic chatter. 'Hi, what'd you do today, did you eat, let's grab lunch, okay bye.' [A bitter laugh and a shake of his head.] Words and time wasted.

[Huzzah, a face!]

I'm Korra. That's okay. I'm not exactly having the greatest day ever either.

[She looks a little uncomfortable.]

There's a memorial back home for someone. Aang Memorial Island--it's the only one I really know of. They have a huge statue of him and a museum there.

I know someone talked about it the last time we were on Earth. I'm not sure if it ever happened there or not.

[But it would've been destroyed with the bombs if it did.]

Still, a new one would be nice.

I don't see how anyone would be against a memorial. That would just be petty.

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☼ 005 [audio]

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still audio sry

yeah okay he'll video gosh

hey you've got a heart now he's gotta check for tears

one manly tear

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how rude

he's having a bad day, don't take it personally :c

well okay I guess I can forgive you

ty ;A;

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