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exsilium2013-11-25 04:47 pm
moralperil) wrote in exsilium2013-11-25 04:47 pm
Entry tags:
11th Mistake; video
[Hello network, you might know this one: small framed with long, dark hair, violet eyes, perpetually clueless expression, dressed in a soft blue sweater, hair pulled back with long bangs free. Mahdi's voice is airy and nervous.]
Hey, um! It's me, Mahdi. I'm really sorry to do this when everyone else is making really good posts about important things, or going through really difficult things, but I just have some stuff I need to say and I think doing this is better than like, dropping off a dozen notes to individual people's inboxes. I kept putting it off, but there's probably never gonna be a good time.
[Mahdi pauses for a long moment, fussing with long strands of hair in nimble fingertips, frowning. The angel takes a deep, nervous breath.]
The thing is... I'm not a boy or a girl, I'm just me, sort of neither and both. I guess if I really thought about it, I'd say I'm a little bit more of a girl than a boy, but I'm still in between. Where I'm from, that's not as uncommon as it seems to be here. It's also - [Mahdi clears hir throat] like, it's not a big deal, because it's just an ordinary part of life. If someone realizes one day that they are a girl when they were a boy before, or they were a girl and now they are androgynous, or whatever, it's just a part of life. Like it's not any more interesting than someone picking a new style of dressing, or a new hobby. If that person changes their name, everyone does their best to learn it. It's all about just accepting people for who they are, whoever they are.
I know it's different for a lot of people and cultures. Even though genders other than male and female exist in many human cultures, and have throughout history, it seems some cultures are just as invested in the idea that there are only two. And that there are rules about how those two kinds of people should behave. I don't know anything about cultures other than human ones, I mean, aside from mine, though. So. Um. [A shrug, and Mahdi glances off-screen awkwardly.]
I don't mean to inconvenience anyone, or make it awkward, since I know this stuff might be confusing for a lot of people, and others will be like "why is that even worth saying anything about". But, I just wanted my friends - and future friends! [smiling] - to understand me a little better. So, in conclusion: [Ze points to hirself] not a girl. Not a boy. Just me.
If anyone has any questions, I'll try to answer them as much as I can. I'm gonna take a quick walk to the observatory and if you want to talk to me in person, we can do it there!
[A bright, if a little forced, smile.]
Thanks everyone!
[The video ends.]
[TEXT ADDENDUM]
IN terms of pronouns I prefer 'hir' instead of 'him or her' and 'ze' instead of 'he' or 'she'. If that's too hard to remember, just using my name or 'they and their' is acceptable. Please and thank you!
[OOC: just let me know if you'd like to do an action thread here or if I should open a log post!]
Hey, um! It's me, Mahdi. I'm really sorry to do this when everyone else is making really good posts about important things, or going through really difficult things, but I just have some stuff I need to say and I think doing this is better than like, dropping off a dozen notes to individual people's inboxes. I kept putting it off, but there's probably never gonna be a good time.
[Mahdi pauses for a long moment, fussing with long strands of hair in nimble fingertips, frowning. The angel takes a deep, nervous breath.]
The thing is... I'm not a boy or a girl, I'm just me, sort of neither and both. I guess if I really thought about it, I'd say I'm a little bit more of a girl than a boy, but I'm still in between. Where I'm from, that's not as uncommon as it seems to be here. It's also - [Mahdi clears hir throat] like, it's not a big deal, because it's just an ordinary part of life. If someone realizes one day that they are a girl when they were a boy before, or they were a girl and now they are androgynous, or whatever, it's just a part of life. Like it's not any more interesting than someone picking a new style of dressing, or a new hobby. If that person changes their name, everyone does their best to learn it. It's all about just accepting people for who they are, whoever they are.
I know it's different for a lot of people and cultures. Even though genders other than male and female exist in many human cultures, and have throughout history, it seems some cultures are just as invested in the idea that there are only two. And that there are rules about how those two kinds of people should behave. I don't know anything about cultures other than human ones, I mean, aside from mine, though. So. Um. [A shrug, and Mahdi glances off-screen awkwardly.]
I don't mean to inconvenience anyone, or make it awkward, since I know this stuff might be confusing for a lot of people, and others will be like "why is that even worth saying anything about". But, I just wanted my friends - and future friends! [smiling] - to understand me a little better. So, in conclusion: [Ze points to hirself] not a girl. Not a boy. Just me.
If anyone has any questions, I'll try to answer them as much as I can. I'm gonna take a quick walk to the observatory and if you want to talk to me in person, we can do it there!
[A bright, if a little forced, smile.]
Thanks everyone!
[The video ends.]
[TEXT ADDENDUM]
IN terms of pronouns I prefer 'hir' instead of 'him or her' and 'ze' instead of 'he' or 'she'. If that's too hard to remember, just using my name or 'they and their' is acceptable. Please and thank you!
[OOC: just let me know if you'd like to do an action thread here or if I should open a log post!]
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I know. 'S why I feel like I can kiss you. Cuz I know you ain't just humorin' me.
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[Mahdi laughs, combing fingers through Jack's hair, keeping him close like that, returning each kiss.]
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[He stays pressed against hir for a bit, smiling softly-- but then, in a murmur:]
Let's go lie in bed, yeah? You can answer everyone else and I'll lie on you. 'S cozy.
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[It's pointed, saying this when they're so close, very much breathing the same air.]
...I want you to hold me. But I might fall asleep. I should probably stick around to see if anyone else is coming, for a little while.
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[He kisses him, hungrily.]
I'll wait for you. Take your time.
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I think tonight I might let you touch my neck. [A bright smile and a laugh.] Yes, I'm feeling adventurous!
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[He smiles, surprised and pleased, and goes. He waits on their bed-- not piningly, particularly; he spends a while drawing, smoking as he does.]
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Mahdi arrives with no particular fanfare, just a quiet "hi" and climbing onto the bed with Jack, nestling close.]
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[He shifts, throwing his left arm around Mahdi, still idly doodling. It's New York once again, a bird's eye view of the city. Absently he twists, kissing the side of Mahdi's head.]
I, uh . . . I told Rin about us, by the way.
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I didn't mean to tell her... I mentioned I had a crush on you, back when I borrowed the dress, and she sort of put things together when I saw her at Thanksgiving. Since I was being all happy and stuff.
I made her promise not to tell anyone. [Mahdi plays with Jack's hair absently.]
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So . . . that's a start.
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[A beat. He sighs and glances over at Mahdi, an odd little smile on his face.]
You gotta think I'm pretty dumb with all this secrecy crap, yeah?
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[Mahdi frowns intensely. If there's one thing ze feels very strongly about, it's not telling people they're stupid.] I'd never think you were just being stupid. It's true that I don't understand it, and at times it makes me worry - [There's a pause where Mahdi bites back the part where ze might describe those worries, just a barely readable moment of hesitation] but I don't think it's stupid.
I want you to feel safe with me. If this is part of that, then I'm willing to wait until you're ready to tell people about us.
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Keeran kept our relationship a secret from his family and friends because he said I was an embarrassment. [Swallowing.] I think he just wanted to cover his tracks so people wouldn't side with me if I made a fuss about what happened.
You have a better reason than that. But it's still in my head, that worry... that it's all because I'm no good for you.
I feel a little better that you told your friend.
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[He'd figured it was something like that. And though it's some relief that Magdi knows that those aren't his reasons, that those aren't anything near his reasons-- still. Still, he feels a bit of frustration, a bit of resentment, and tries to shove that down.]
I'm thinkin' . . . I'm think in' maybe you can tell people. If you want. And-- I will too, if, if it comes up. I don't think I can do some kinda big announcement, but-- you can tell people.
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[Mahdi chuckles, leaning over to kiss Jack on the cheek.]
C'mon, I don't wanna be serious anymore.
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I really thought she were gonna hate me, when I told her.
[Which is more serious talk. Whoops.]
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Hate you? But she's your friend, she should be happy you're with someone who makes you happy.
[Mahdi's aware it's not that simple - even for kids in the 21st century - but it's still baffling. And very sad.]
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[He sighs and pulls back-- not far at all, just enough that his voice isn't muffled.]
It's . . . It's all different where I come from. People like-- like us, guys who go with guys or girls who go with girls, that ain't allowed. It just ain't-- it's sick, it's wrong, it's against the law, it's a sin, pick your reason. A guy went around with another guy, he was admin' to get beat. And that ain't right, I'm glad it ain't like that here-- but that's me, me mentality. That every time I tell somebody, they're gonna think me disgustin' and hate me. So.
[A beat. He gives a self-depricating laugh.]
Took me near two months in that fuckin' place to realize that wasn't the reason my girl left me, after I'd been raped. I thought she couldn't, couldn't stay with a man who'd let another man do that to him.
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Wait... Jack, there was a girl? You haven't mentioned her before.
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[He stares intently at Mahdi's neck, his mouth still twisted in that horrible smile.]
We were together, I guess, and he found us. Said he'd rape one o' us, and me, I fuckin' volunteered. Anythin', I said, do anythin' to me, but leave her alone. So he fucked me, again and again and again, and kept me as his fuckin' slave, and she watched, and she left me afterwards.
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[Mahdi's voice is heavy with pain, but surprisingly steady.]
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My point-- my p-point is just that I, uh, that-- that it messed with my head a lot. And what he told me didn't help. S-so it's nothin' to do with you, I just-- that's where I'm comin' from, when I get scared to tell people. But you should. And I will too.
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