exsilium | fourth leap | from a tablet in no way traceable to that other kid Robin's

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fourth leap | from a tablet in no way traceable to that other kid Robin's

[ Dick’s sitting in a nondescript corner of what’s probably the cafeteria, facing the screen at a front and center angle that could almost pass for a little rehearsed. He’s tired and drawn, posture curled in and oddly small. He has a hand in his hair, awkward and unsettled. If he's been practicing this, it's not showing much. ]

I, um. Hey.

I just wanted to say I’m turning myself in now. As one of the guys who brought down the systems and took over the base. [ Specificity is important. His eyes aren't on the tablet anymore, but he's still speaking. ]

-Which I know I could’ve done couple of days ago. But I didn’t because I thought maybe... [ a faint, rushed breath out. ] –maybe I could still fix it. And maybe it’d just be easier if I didn’t say anything. [ For the people in jail. And the people on the outside. ]

...But it wouldn’t be. That would just be me letting somebody else take the whole rap for something a lot of people already know I had a hand in. And then not speaking up is on them too. So it has to be this way. [ He’s thinking about you, Kate. 8( ]

...Anyway. That’s just the good news. Just- I wanted to do the right thing. Not just now, but then too. And I still believe in all the same things I did before, which is... [ he has to say it, he can’t let it go. ] –yeah, they’re real people. I know they are. But when it comes to fighting their own war they’re just getting people killed.

But what- what I did about it wasn’t okay. Guys like me, we- [ It's a little specific, that word. ] -we have to follow the law even when we don’t like what it says. When we start to let the system go, that’s when everything falls apart. That’s when people get hurt. And that- I know me knowing that now doesn’t change what happened, but... [ It’s a thought that trails off unfinished. ]

But whatever the other guys get, that’s what needs to happen to me too. [ the word "mutineer" is pretty noticeably pissing. And there’s a belated moment where he stops, halfway out of his folded up pose. He’s not in a position to make demands, he knows that. But- ]

...The one condition is that you don’t get a package deal out of this. You just get me.

[Barely five minutes later, there's an addendum to this post, coming from the same tablet but in audio, and the voice is very much not Dick Grayson's.

Steph's tone is sharp, but steady:]

I want you all to know that this will be discussed with Rosyln, but no one is to even think about laying a hand on him. The same goes for any accusations or harsh words you might wanna start throwing around, regardless of what he claims to have done. From this point on he is under my supervision and protection, and he won't be harmed.

[She might have been against the mutiny, but she doesn't trust the people on "her" side either, not when so many of them were howling for blood.]

Don't test me.

Hey, I didn't!-

[The feed cuts again. Replies by Dick probably delayed ICly! ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[So.

What if she just starts crying a little bit?]

I don't know what I'll do if someone hurts you.

[ Oh. Oh no no no why is she crying now what is he supposed to do? He's groping for the tissues in his belt before he remembers he doesn't have it on him now.

One more way he's useless without Robin. ] No, don't-!

[ And somehow that makes it contagious. He's scared and sad and hurting and seeing it all reflected in someone else is too much for his eyes not to prickle. ] Come on, that's- you know that's not gonna happen. You don't know half the stuff I've been through. I could tell you all kind of stories. [ If he keeps talking about them maybe he can stop thinking about this. ]

[As long as he doesn't protest, she's going to draw him into a tight hug.]

This isn't about whether I think you can handle yourself, Dick. Any other situation, and I know you could, but there are two hundred someting Transports and a lot of them are furious and some of them have powers we've probably never encountered before.

[She shouldn't be saying this, shouldn't be scared him, but she needs him to understand.]

How easy was it for Max to do what she did to me? What if she'd actually wanted to hurt me? Take my emotions away for good or make me hurt myself? How easy would it be for someone else to do the same to you, because they're angry you got involved in this?

Yeah, but- [ And he leaves it there like a placeholder. He wants there to be an answer, he wants to know just what he needs to say to the question she's asking but the words are dying and suddenly his breath is freezing up again.

She's right. He knows she's right. Steph got hurt and it's his fault she was there to get hurt and it's his fault she's stuck here now, guarding him from all the things they aren't ready to face. That she isn't any more ready for than he is.

And how can he ever tell her the real truth, that it hadn't been in his thoughts for a second, that it hasn't mattered in what feels like forever what happens to him here? ]

I didn't know she'd do that. [ And he's sniffling, which wrecks a big part of the advantage of having his face hidden. But finally he can return the hug, so he twists a little and clings as hard as he can. ] I didn't- I never would've let her if I knew.

[ Doesn't she see that's why this had to happen? ]

[She keeps one arm tight around him, but the other goes to his hair, fingers brushing through it gently, because she remembers that helped when he was laid up in that hospital bed.]

Hey, hey. [It's quiet, but firm.] What Max did isn't your fault, you had no idea what she could do and even if you did, it was her choice. You were just trying to do the right thing, don't beat yourself up for what someone else did.

[Even if she thinks it was a stupid as hell decision for him to join up with the mutineers, he doesn't need to feel this guilty.]

It was my fault. I knew things could go bad but I let it happen anyway. [ It's why he had to come clean. Why he deserves whatever happens.

And a hug from Steph is the last thing he deserves now. But he can't bring himself to pull away, not when he hadn't known until right now how much he needed one. Steph doesn't always make him feel good, but there's never a time when she doesn't make him feel safe. Safe and cared about. ]

...Why do you think that? [ The curiosity is finally edging in over the sadness and fear. He tilts his head just a little. ]

Which part, kiddo?

[She's not sure if she means the part where it was his fault, or that he thinks he was doing the right thing, and she'd rather check before explaining.]

Just- you know.

[ She's asking him, he has to put it into words now.

But he has to know. He has to know why she's protecting him now. ] About confessing. If I'm really the kind of guy who thought taking over the base was worth the risk, why is admitting it was wrong and letting the police take over a bad thing?

[ He's watching her face closely. ]

I saw what you said on the network. How come you're not madder at me than anybody?

You know I went to talk to Max, the other day?

[That's not quite answering the question, but she's going somewhere with it, sighing softly as she looks down at Dick.]

I'm not mad at her, either. I think what they-- what you did was wrong, I think it was stupid, but I get why. And right now I'm more concerned about how people are reacting to what happened. You, or anyone else involved, doesn't deserve the sort of retribution people've been talking about. That's why I think you shouldn't have confessed.

Oh. [ He can't look at Steph, so he studies the floor instead, shoulders hunched forward. ] I guess I didn't think about that. [ It's the best excuse he can muster, and at least it's halfway the truth. ]

I mean, we- we put bad guys in jail all the time back home and we know what that could mean. That they might not make it a day once they get to prison.

[ But it's part of the deal that comes with committing the crime in the first place. ]

...You're really not mad at Max?

But it shouldn't be that way, and it shouldn't be that way here either, but it is.

[So he should've been more careful.

She wouldn't have cared so much if he'd just confessed to Roslyn, privately, and asked to be locked up, but the public annoucement has her so worried.

She sighs.]

I'm angry at her for what she did to me, but not for participating in the rest of this mess.

...She's the one who's been training me. [ It's useless information, but it's feels important to share it, suddenly. That Max was - is - someone he cares about too. Someone who'd believed in him when even Steph couldn't. ]

But when I saw what happened I still would've gone after her. And I never would've have stopped until she made you Steph again.

It was never gonna be permanent.

[She's not sure why she's defending Max, why she wants to justify and explain it.

Maybe she's just tired of everyone being angry.]

She didn't wanna hurt me physically, she was just doing what she thought was best.

...Yeah. I guess she was. [ Caught just like he was. Between someone she didn't want to kill and the mission they'd all promised to see through.

Maybe he'd been afraid of that deep down. That maybe Steph would think it wasn't okay anymore, to care about Max too.

While he has the chance he's going to leap up so he can wrap his arms around her neck again and squeeze. ]

I'm just glad you're really you again.

[Steph doesn't hesitate to return the hug, leaning down so he doesn't have to stretch up so much.]

So am I.

[She knows that even if Max had tried to make it permanent, Jesse could have undone it, but that doesn't make the whole thing any less terrifying.]

I'm sorry you had to see that, and for what I said.

[About not caring, mostly, even if it's not true.]

Hey, it's okay. I know you didn't really mean that stuff.

[ He doesn't need her to say that, he hasn't needed it from the minute he'd known what was wrong. But there's a part of him that still wanted to, and it's nice that she wants to put it to rest. ]

If I had a nickel for every time I've been brainwashed or Joker-gassed or hypnotized... [ He wouldn't really have that many nickles.

But there'd be a few on the pile, and it seems important for Steph to know that too. ]

...Hey, that reminds me. You want to tell me what the deal is with that guy we met?

[She manages a grateful smile for that reassurance, but it twists into something a little uncomfortable with the follow up question. She'd been hoping that Dick might just - let that go. Of course she isn't that lucky.]

We're-- [she's not sure what words to use, so she stops and tries again.] We've been together pretty much since we came up to the moon. I know it's a little weird, but Saul's a good person, we were friends before anything else happened.

[That seems important, somehow. Even if maybe "a good person" isn't the best way to describe Saul, but he's trying, at least.]

So... [ His nose wrinkles up. He's not sure what answer he'd really been expecting, whether it's one of those questions he should've kept to himself, or whether it's better to hear it from Steph, that maybe she'd been in less danger than he'd thought at the time.

It makes him feel stupid too. ] ...So he was actually telling the truth?

[ He can't wrap his head around it.

Saul is old. ]

Jeez. That's just- [ It's weird. That's what it is. ]

[She knows.]

He was, yeah. He loves me. [That seems important, too, even if it feelsl ike a big word to throw away when Dick's barely into his teens. Still:] I'm glad you were looking out for me anyway. It could've sucked if he had've been lying.

[She manages a wry smile, like it's not that big a deal, even though the thought of what someone could have done to her while she was like that...

It's better not to think about it.]

I didn’t know. [ It's almost an apology. ] He could’ve been anyone. I couldn’t just take his word for it when you couldn’t think straight.

[ And there's a beat while he works through the next thought. ] ...Why him, though?

[ He's old. ]

[She doesn't need an apology.]

Thank you for looking out for me.

[And she means that, even if the question manages to startle a quiet laugh out of her.]

I've asked myself that question a few times. [sorry Saul] But I can't exactly control how I feel, and Saul-- [another wry smile] He's always been there for me. I trust him, and he makes me happy, that's what matters the most.

[Even if he's old, even if he hurts her sometimes.]

I guess so. [ Working the uncertainty out of his voice for Steph's sake is hard.

But he should try, shouldn't he? ]

Even though he's old enough to be Batman's dad?

Oh my god, he's not that old.

[How even old is Bruce from Dick's perspective.

Maybe it's best not to know.]

He's gotta be at least that old. [ TBF Dick's Bruce is probably still in his 20s.

And now that he knows he can tease her a little there's a smirk tugging at the side of his mouth.

It leaves him a little bit of an opening. It's not his business, he knows that, but Steph worries him and he has to know that she's okay with whatever she has going on. ]

...But it's not even just that. I've seen how he is on the network. [ He just might have used some downtime in the past few days to peruse Saul's public stuff with a relentlessly critical eye. ]

Stop it.

[She even reaches out to ruffle his hair, grateful that he's willing to tease her about it, since that means he's not unbearably uncomfortable with the situation.

She could understand it, if he was, but she really hopes she never has to choose between them.

The more serious comment earns a curious look.]

And how is he on the network?

[She knows how Saul is on the network, but she wants to see how Dick interprets it.]

fourth leap | from a tablet in no way traceable to that other kid Robin's

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