exsilium | → text (a little bit forward dated)

[The message today is in text, because she doesn't want anyone to hear how her voice shakes or see how exhausted she is.]

I know there's a lot going on right now, so I'll keep this quick.

Anyone who knew Ellie Linton, she's gone back to her own war, about ten days ago, so if you were worried about not having seen her around, that's why. Sorry for not contacting people privately, it was a little hard to keep up with who all she knew.

[And maybe there's part of her that just didn't want to deal with having the same conversation over and over again.

This is easier.]

For our new arrivals: my name's Steph, welcome to our temporary moon base, feel free to get in touch if there's anything I can help with. This is my tenth month since arriving, so I know a thing or two.

I also wouldn't mind some sparring partners. Or if anyone wants to learn how to fight, I know about twenty different martial arts styles and I'm happy to teach people to defend themselves. Anything to help keep busy.

That's it from me, have a nice day, everyone.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Ther's a huff of breath, too bitter to be a laugh.

She doesn't even know why she's trying to explain something she doesn't quite believe it.

Her thoughts go to Sionis, to the way he looked down the barrel of a gun, to the way she screamed when he shot her.]

Yeah, it's nice.

[It comes out too harsh, and Steph groans at herself.]

Sorry, that wasn't-- Sorry.

[God, she's tired.]

[Ellie's not sure where that came from, but the shrug is practically audible in her voice.]

It's alright. I guess I can get it.

[Is it fair of her to spin explanations that she doesn't even believe?]

I'm too reckless, too vicious, according to people back home. [she's silent for a moment, her breath shaky.] I always had to be talked down from killing people. I don't-- I don't know if I agree with our rules, but I think it's important that we keep ourselves in check. It's too easy to lose track of what's right and wrong.

[Killing the doctors and technicians in the United Earth, was that wrong?]

[Ellie's quiet for a while. She feels relieved to hear that. Maybe Steph wouldn't judge her for what she's done.]

I think I've killed more people than infected. Because I had to. There wasn't a right or a wrong. It was either me or them.

I know.

[There's no judgement in her tone, if anything she just sounds a little sad.

Ellie's so young.]

Moral debates are a luxury not everyone gets.

[A small sigh. Even though she hoped Steph would react like this, she was still bracing for some sort of disgust or lecture. Kids weren't supposed to kill.]

Yeah.

Do most of the people here kill? Or are they like you?

[quietly:] I kill, here.

[They're fighting a war, and this is one of those times where she doesn't have the luxury of a moral debate, as much as it wages inside her anyway.

Still, she can answer the question.]

I think most people are willing to kill. Some of the vigilantes probably don't, but there's only a few of us.

[You should have said that in the beginning, Steph. Ellie feels more relaxed.

(A year ago, if you told her she'd be more relaxed talking to people who have taken lives... she'd have laughed.)]

That makes things easier.

If anyone gives you trouble about it, let me know, 'kay?

[She might have gotten up on her moral high horse with Saul, but she won't have anyone doing the same with a kid, with someone from a world like Ellie's.]

Thanks, but... if I can kill someone, I'm pretty sure I can handle getting across the reason why I have to do it. I'm not going to let some motherfucker kill me for my shoes just prove I'm not a bad person.

It isn't about whether you can or not, you shouldn't have to. [There's a pause, the rustle of fabric like maybe she just shrugged.] It's up to you, but I'm in your corner if you need me.

[For this, as well as everything else.]

I'm getting used to having to explain shit here. It's not a big deal. [She thinks back to that conversation between Tess and Joel a lot. Tess said they were shitty people, and Joel was so quick to insist that they weren't--they were survivors.

Ellie did her best to hold on to that. And for the most part, she can.]

I know you're trying to look out for me. I appreciate it.

Okay.

[And she won't push it more than that; the offer's been made, Ellie knows Steph is there if she needs her. Pressing it would just come off as patronizing.]

And don't worry about it, we've got each other's backs, right?

No doubt.

[Well--Ellie will always have some doubts, even with Joel, but she gives as much trust as she can.]

Good.

[For a single word, there's a lot of warmth in it.

Trust isn't an easy thing for her, either, but she knows Ellie wouldn't let her down.]

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