[Video]

[weapabilities]

[ Oh look! It's Drift, your neighborhood giant robot. He looks pretty banged up, plating scraped and paint chipped in spots. More over, he doesn't look like his usual aggressively serene self. He glowers at the screen, downright dour, optics glowing coldly from under his helm. ]

I'm back.

Sorry to anyone I've been tutoring on swordplay.

Lessons are cancelled until further notice.

I'll be working on my house if anyone needs me.

[ His mouth draw into a tight line before he switches the video off. ]

Comments

[whatsupcroc]

Drift!

( He looks grumpy, as a polite way of saying he looks... well. Grumpy. )

Can we bring house warming gifts yet, or is that a strictly once you're satisfied with your own work kind of thing?

( She's glad to see him, and wondering what exactly's been happening. )

[weapabilities]

Hello, Collette.

No... no gifts. Please. That's nice of you but-

No.

[ He's feeling nothing short of snappish, but it's Collette. He can't snap at her. She just drains the anger from him, for which he is incredibly thankful right now. ]

[whatsupcroc]

Eh, housewarming gifts are overrated. What if you ended up with ten varieties of fruit cake? You'd need a thousand of those to build anything useful, like a lounge chair, at your size!

( She smiles, aware that he's definitely not in a good place. But... )

Does company follow the same rule as the not-gifts?

[weapabilities]

[ That statement alone is enough to surprise him out of his attitude problem for just long enough to comment. ]

You build with cakes?

[ There's a soft chuff through his vents. ]

No, but I don't think you want to be around me.

[whatsupcroc]

We build with gingerbread sometimes, why not fruitcakes? People will only think you're a little fruity!

( grin. )

Yeah, well, I've met some real grumps in my time, I think I can handle a bit of not so pleasant Drift. Even if it's just to say hello for reals, I'd like that.

[weapabilities]

A little... fruity. What does that mean? I'm not made for human consumption.

[ There's some honest curiosity there. ]

I don't know if I qualify in the 'grump' category, right now. But if you're sure, you're welcome to come.

[whatsupcroc]

It's an expression! It tends to mean you're colorful, or kooky, or a little bit crazy, in a friendly way.

( Fruit cakes were not killers, after all. )

Good! I'll be over soon, then!

[weapabilities]

I'm... not quite sure that applies to me, but thank you.

Ah- uhm. Alright.

[whatsupcroc]

( It takes her a while, but Collette eventually makes it to Drift's abode, on four feet and tail held up like a mast behind her. )

< Drift! Drift, can you get the door? >

[weapabilities]

[ The heavy footfalls mark his approach and eventually he pushes the door open to let her inside. He's scraped up, and there's a notable gouge in his chest where the red face of his Autobrand once was. He looks down at her and then steps aside, moving back to sit down on the floor. ]

[whatsupcroc]

( Collette glances up, another wag of her tail a sort of wave hello while she slips past him into the area at large. She notices detail, but on a different level of clarity than if she were using her own eyes, or the eyes of an eagle. )

< Still got that poncho of yours anywhere around here, big guy? >

[weapabilities]

[ He slides the blanket off the nearby table and lets it pool on the floor for her. He promptly sits, then flops over next to it on his side. Oh yeah. He's like a sulky teenager. ]

[whatsupcroc]

( She nudges the blanket up firmly against him, leaping up and placing her paws on his metal frame. )

< What's gotcha down, Drift? >

[weapabilities]

[ He heaves a sigh through his vents that riffles the edges of the blanket. ]

I did a terrible thing.

I mean... I've done terrible things. But that was before-

But this. This was new and. And worse somehow.

[whatsupcroc]

( She lays her muzzle on him, making a sound somewhere between whine and curious huff as she listens. )

< What was this terrible thing? What happened? >

[weapabilities]

[ He curls around her just a bit, his legs tucking up slightly. ]

I got people killed. I brought a known super-weapon aboard the ship. I thought we had a handle on it. Things got messed up. Several people lost their lives, including the Second In Command.

So they exiled me and revoked my badge. I no longer have a faction, home or friends. What bothers me the most, though... is that no matter what I do, all I'm good for is killing people or getting them killed.

[ He taps the gouge in his chest where his badge had been. ]

[whatsupcroc]

( Oh. Oh... this sounds like a be-herself sort of conversation. Collette doesn't precisely announce she's demorphing. One moment she a-hums mentally, the next, her morph is far enough progressed that any attempt at speaking would be half mental, half verbal.

Fully demorphed, she's slid down, holding on to him not terribly successfully. In an effort to mitigate how awkward that might have seemed, she pats him fondly with one hand. )

That's not true, Drift. You know it's not! You're also good at making people smile, and helping people out. That matters too!

[weapabilities]

That's me now. Or- or it was me, anyways. What I wanted to be.

Do you know what I was before?

[ His engine gives a rueful whine but he moves his arm so she can lean on it more comfortably. ]

I was a war criminal. I brutally murdered so many. I was a Decepticon. I know that probably doesn't mean much to you, but I'll just put it simply.

Genocide. Genocide on many, many planets. I don't know. If I can escape that. I've tried, Primus I've tried...

[ He pauses, awkwardly. Well that was kind of relentless, wasn't it? ]

Ah. Look. I'm sorry. My problems. They're bigger than. Than exponentially large things. You don't need this.

[whatsupcroc]

( At first, anyone could have heard a pin drop, so complete is Collette's silence. She has to remind herself to breathe, once it registers she's holding her breath.

She's not as naive as she makes herself appear. Fighting in war, doing the actions that condemn innocent as well as guilty (for what worth guilt carried in the concept of war) was part of what happened. The gross, disgusting, horrifying part which made everybody dirty, no matter how important or right they felt their side or their goal was.

Genocide is what she fought at home. An invading alien species that trounced worlds, feeling it was their right. Not four million years of fighting, more like forty, but not more pleasant for having been less vociferous so far.

She can't pretend that doesn't change something in how she understands Drift. It's horrifying. It's horrible.

Collette closes her eyes and rests her forehead on Drift, wishing for a brief moment he was warmer. But this makes sense.

She swallows. )

I don't think you escape that. I think you do everything you can to help everyone you can, for the good things, but you did bad things in the past, and... and you have to make that okay in your head however you can. It's part of you. Accept it, and don't let it make you give up or... or anything dumb like that!

( She slaps the palm of one hand down on his arm, more for emphasis than anything else. )

I'm your friend. Don't needs and don't wants aren't part of this! But you can't sulk forever when you mess up. Sulk a little, get it out of your system, then figure out what things you can do!

( Her voice drops lower. )

You're still alive, Drift. Even when you mess up, or you get people hurt, you've still got time to make up for it. Time and the will, you know? Right?

[weapabilities]

[ Drift's engine gives a soft rumble as he thinks, considering her words carefully. ]

I thought I'd changed but. I did it again. I got people killed. Friends. And I lied to someone I really respected. I don't think he'll ever forgive me.

[ The slap makes him jerk a little, optics widening. ]

I-

Ahhh....

[ He could argue with her, but he's not terribly keen on driving off the only few people who care about him anymore. The one left at home would be Ratchet, and Drift is starting to miss the sassy medic.

As it is he pulls her carefully up towards himself with his arm, tucking her into the space between his chin and chest-plating. ]

I do not deserve a friend like you. But I will do everything in my power to do well by you.

This place. Is the only home I have now.

[whatsupcroc]

So ask for him to anyway, and if he can't, just... just learn to live with it.

( Which isn't easy, but she's distracted from thinking too hard on it with holding on to Drift and resituating herself as he tucks her in where he does. She thinks wryly how she's probably a bit more comfortable because she can't feel parts of herself go numb or have uncomfortable encounters with unforgiving metal, but doesn't say anything about that. She rests both her hands on Drift, smiling as much as she can, )

It's the only home for a few people around. You're not alone here, not in that, and not in the rest I bet.

( She pats him again, wondering what it means... really. )

[weapabilities]

Yeah. I know I can deal with it. I have before. I guess I just thought I found a place where I belonged.

[ From here she can probably hear the steady pulse of his spark, thrumming away under his plating. ]

Thank you, Collette. I'm sorry to. Uh. Be like this in front of you.

[whatsupcroc]

Be like what?

( Don't be sorry, is what she tries to say without saying it. )

Hey, is that your heartbeat I'm feeling? I mean, whatever is like your heartbeat. You don't have a literal heart, do you?

[weapabilities]

Well I mean. You know. All. _Emotional.

[ He says it like it's come kind of weird affliction. ]

Oh. Yes... sort of. Not really. My species has something called a "spark". It is... very much like a heart, but bright, hot and made of energy. If our spark goes out, we die.

From what I understand it is much the same for your species.

[whatsupcroc]

Hey, it''s fine! Emotions are good. You feel them, I feel them, we both let them out sometimes 'cause that's what friends do, and it's good! We listen to each other, say when one or the other is being dumb, groand and sigh and nod when we're supposed to, and that's that! It's a pretty important part of friendship. That's what I think!

( How peple individually apply that is all over the board, something else she happens to know from her own experience. It's more interesting that way.

She actually presses her head against what of him she can to better listen. No way... that's a literal sort of spark? It thrums! Hums! She's not even sure how to describe it. )

Yeah, though we have something we call a spark of life, only it's not literal. Sometimes it's in your eyes, or your energy, or your personality, and then sometimes it just goes out. "The spark's gone out of her," sayings like that. Our hearts, though, if those stop, then we die too! If they stay stopped. Um... okay, so it can get slightly complicated, but you can die but get revived if they get your heart beating again.