10 - [Video]

[biwinning]

[So Sollux thought it'd be a good idea to see what Earth movies are like. And with Crank as his only basis thus far, he's 1. not impressed, and 2. confused on a few things.]

Hey.

That movie that was shown last night, used a lot of words I don't know. Human vernacular ith really stupid and weird. Tho everyone should tell me all the thwear words they know and what they mean. There were like twenty onesth I didn't know in that movie, and I thtill don't get what they meant. Thith ith for educational purposes, of course.

Comments

[video;]

[biwinning]

No. But let me gueth. It's about a planet... with apes. Humans make such boring titles.

[video;]

[pixieboots]

No, it's a good movie. Don't judge before you know what it's about. But the one I'm talking about is the sequel. I think it's Battle for the Planet of the Apes. You watch it once and you won't even want to see the first one again.

[video;]

[biwinning]

Why the fuck would I want to watch the first one if the sequel is totally bad then?

[video;]

[pixieboots]

Cause the first one's actually good. You just kinda pretend the later ones didn't happen. Which shouldn't be too hard if you never watch them in the first place.

[video;]

[biwinning]

... So you told me about a movie worse than the one I saw- a sequel, only to tell me the original movie to that sequel is really good, and to never watch that sequel or it'll ruin the whole first one??

[video;]

[pixieboots]

...Yeah? [ what ]

A lot of movies have bad sequels. Nine times out of ten the sequel will be some lame rehash of the first one.

[video;]

[biwinning]

Why the hell would you even do that? I mean, make bad movies to begin with.

[video;]

[pixieboots]

Cause people will go see anything if it has some name they already know attached to it.

Don't they have bad movies where you're from?

[video;]

[biwinning]

No. Any movie that receives an overall bad rating is immediately struck from the records, and every iteration of it destroyed from Alternia.

[video;]

[pixieboots]

[ there's a pause while he thinks about that. ]

So I guess that kinda rules out any cult hits, huh?

[video;]

[biwinning]

Uh, I gueth tho? But I mean, it takesth a lot for thomething to be scrapped as that bad. I mean, if fucking-

[He takes a big breath. And soon, it's obvious why: he says this all in one go:]

The Movie In Which Sheriff Sugar Wolf As Played By Utsler Returns To His Hometown After Many Years To Find That It Has Been Taken Over By Big Baby Chips As Played By Bruce A Ruthless Gambling Tycoon Who Have Run The Downtrodden Town Of Mud Bug With His Gang Of Thugs Which Include Raw Stank As Played By Jamie Madrox And Dusty Poot As Played Monoxide Since Killing Sugar Wolfs Father Grizzly Wolf As Played By Ron Jeremy And Sugars Brothers Sugar Decides To Take Over The Position His Father Once Held Leading Big Baby Chips To Pit Sugar Against A Series Of Deadly Assassins And Sugar Wolf Begins To Successfully Dispatch Of His Would-be Assassins Winning The Approval Of The Townfolk Begins A Romance With Tink As Played By Bridget Powerz A Little Person And Takes On A Deputy Bucky As Played By Mewes After Sugar Wolf Jails Raw Stank And Dusty Poot Big Baby Chips Calls In His Deadliest Assassin Which Turns Out To Be Tink Who In Reality Is A Bearded Man In Drag Tank As Played By Jody Sadler Who Cripples Sugar Wolfs Shooting Hand Dirty Sanchez As Played By Mark Jury A Former Rival Of Big Baby Chips Whose Hands Had Been Crippled By Big Baby Chips Trains Sugar Wolf To Fight With His Other Hand Sugar Wolf Challenges Big Baby Chips To A Showdown And Guns Down The Gambler Who Reveals Himself To Be Grizzly Wolf-

[Another breath.]

...managed to make it through, I don't even know what standards they have.