exsilium | 03: † audio

03: † audio

[An audio post begins, and for a few seconds it's just the sound of the rain. Then, a piano begins to play. Those familiar with classical music would recognize it as French Suite No. 4, a well-known work by German composer J.S. Bach.

The music goes on for about fifteen minutes. It's a piece with a sense of introversion to it - even as the music turns complicated and speedy in some areas, it maintains a restrained elegance. Emotional, without being passionate.

When it finally ends, there are another few seconds of rainfall before Kaworu speaks.]

The demands of human relationships are overwhelming when you consider just how much love a heart needs to survive.

But, conversely, a heart can give an infinite amount of love in turn. The world is less scary if you simply remember this.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[...]

I'm fine.

You can tell me.

[He has a place to sleep. His housemates are friendly towards him. And even with Asuka harassing him over the network, he's managed to make a friend or two.

Still. He's unhappy.]

I don't think I belong here.

Of course you don't. You don't know what it means or how it feels to belong.

I don't want to stay here.
But I don't have anywhere else to go.

[shinji can come to him, can't he?

but no - he doesn't want that. kaworu pauses, mulling it over.]

You have the power to determine it for yourself. You belong here if you choose to, if you decide to spread your roots in this soil.

There's nothing here.

It's boredom, then? That, too, is something you have the power to change. When you no longer have Eva to define yourself, you can find something new.

[a hesitant moment later, he sends another message.]

You can lean on the people who care about you. It isn't easy for anyone to be here. They all understand.

[Is it possible to be someone without Eva? He's been trying, but...]

Their worlds haven't ended. They still have a home to go back to.

Even more of a reason for them to have the same desire not to be here - and for you to forge a new place for yourself.

Besides... there's Rei Ayanami, and Suzuhara-kun. They're in the same exact position as you. None of us have a place to go back to. If you talk to them, you can support one another. That's how Lilim are meant to cope.

You really think so?

Yes. [that's why he spared you all.]

[maybe, he should not say this, but...]

I'm here, too.

[There's silence on his end as he thinks over Kaworu's words.]

[Then:]

Maybe I can try.

[As scary as it is.]

Thank you, Kaworu-kun.

[it's probably best this is in text... Kaworu has no idea what kind of face he's making in relation to these feelings.]

I'm just grateful to read your words and have my answers read. You don't have to thank me. I'd live a thousand times to be here for you.

Do you know the meaning of what you're saying?

I know the feelings that prompt what I say and the meaning I hope for you to impart from it.

You still don't believe me.

Edited 2013-04-02 04:06 (UTC)

It's hard to believe someone when they say something so exaggerated.

is it exaggerated...?

What reason would I have to lie to you about that?

Kaworu-kun, do you know how promises work?

One person tells another that he absolutely will or will not do something. Going against this statement is then considered a betrayal.

Edited 2013-04-02 18:33 (UTC)

When you say things, like "I'd live a thousand times to be here for you," I will take it as a promise.
It's not something to say lightly.

[still so scared. of being supported... of Kaworu.]

I know. I understand, Shinji-kun. My feelings are not light, so neither will my expression of those feelings. But I do mean the things I say to you. With the same absoluteness as a promise.

And... if you take it as a promise, then maybe you believe it after all. Right?

I'd like to.

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