exsilium | oo1; voice + video

oo1; voice + video

Biggest country in world I know but Initiative don't seem to bother to bring anyone else but me. Too many goddamned Americans and Japanese. [ Says the heavy Russian accent. ] And aliens. And fucking elves. [ For all the emphasis he puts on that word, he doesn't sound angry. More of a 'fuck, what the hell, man?'

... Sorry, elves. He's targeting one elf in particular and he doesn't much care if there's more of them.

Sharp snort. Sound of a lighter snapping on, and the crackling of cigarettes. Then the camera switches on.

Have a pair of heavily tattooed hands, one of them curled around a white stick. Then he tips the tablet upwards until it shows his face, and Nikolai pulls off the sunglasses. ]

You lot ever get tired of talking on this thing? Bunch of stupid questions lately. [ He takes a drag of the cigarette, and blows it at the screen. ] You've all forgotten how to fuck, or something?

[ ooc; for any character with knowledge of Russian criminals, Nikolai's hands carry tattoos that basically says he's one of the worst ones out there. Yeah.

Also, content warnings for sexual assault for the thread with Steph (

controlledvariable). ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ Ah.

He knows a girl in Abax, with golden hair. She speaks Russian with slight American accent, she calls herself Illyana (he calls her- Katya, at some point). She fights well, and she says she is a part of a team, a team that kills bad people.

Nikolai almost smiles. But he is balancing on a knife's edge, in between 'speaking' and 'not speaking', trying to find a lie that will not sink a knife into his heart (because, oddly, he enjoys speaking to this girl).

He smokes to delay time. ]

Maybe not. [ He lets out the ribbon of smoke. ] But British law is soft and won't kill anyone.

[ Stubbing out his cigarette on the ashtray near his elbow, Nikolai keeps his eyes on her. ]

You can fight, da?

[Part of her hates that he takes so long to reply, but another part is glad for the time to force herself to be calm, to lock all those thoughts back up where they belong, instead of letting them get too close to the surface.

It feels like an open wound, fingers digging into it (and that's a pain she knows, and another thought that gets pushed away like everything to do with Sionis), but she's too stubborn to let it tear her apart. She regrets what she said, the suggestion, even if there's a difference between a suggestion and having all this dragged up. Still, she should have known better. And still, she's grateful when he asks a question that pulls her thoughts away from Murray and Sionis and other little girls who've been through worse than she has.

Does she fight?

She should say 'no', like a good little Bat with a secret identity, but she's tired of being called dyevochka.]

Better than most. [Simply, a statement of fact rather than a boast, and although she's tense, but there's a hint of expectation in her expression, waiting to see what he might have to say.]

[ It's a cagey answer, and that tells him more than she might think it does. Nikolai misses London all of the sudden; misses the darkness of the vor because there, children might still be innocent, that they know nothing of the atrocities that people are capable of. In London he can walk out of Semyon's restaurant and see people like Anna, nice people, ordinary people who know nothing about the filth that he's coated with, who avoid him out of fear instead of looking at him in the eyes because they already know darkness and they have faced it before.

In a place like this- in Abax- somehow the children are no longer children. They are broken things instead, darkness already corrupting them, and it's almost enough to make him despair because of how little soaking himself in blood has done. But Nikolai has never tried to save the world. Just one person is enough. Most of the time.

(It's funny that he thinks this way, because Nikolai has never been an innocent child himself. He started stealing at an age younger than she is now, simply because it's the only way he can think of to find something to eat. At her age he's already been to prison, and that's even marked on his body. At her age he knows the cruelty of people; knows that even teenagers can be rapists and murderers if they are given enough incentive. Survival is always enough incentive.)

He lingers on the silence. ]

Even gzah who know how to fight still needs to be careful. [ He's giving himself away and he knows it, but it is too easy to break a mask built over decades, and somehow he knows he still wants to remain human. ]

Maybe machine not that random.

[ An offering to change the subject. (It disturbs him too.) ]

Edited 2013-03-10 16:28 (UTC)

I'm always careful. [Somehow, she manages a grin, sharp and flippant, and it's so Robin that it hurts as much as all the memories do. She manages it because it's what Robin might say, because she might not be as skilled as Bruce, or Tim, but she knows how to slip in and out of roles. She's good at it, too, but she that it's too fragile right now, knows the Nikolai will see how fake it is, and see how pained it is. But she can't bring herself to care.

It's a surprise to her that she reached specifically for Robin at a time like this. Or maybe it isn't, when the brightness of Dick and Jason has been making her feel sick to her stomach with the knowledge of what's coming for both of them.

But wearing that grin feels like something shattering, as if she can let herself fall apart and play at this, instead, even if she can't work out whether that's a good thing or a bad thing. She even laughs, though it's a little darker than a Robin laugh should be.]

It's shit if it's not, they should've grabbed someone who'd swallow their bullshit.

[All that anger and tension of a moment ago can be redirected, after all.

(Later, she'll find things to hit until her knuckles bleed, and shatter in that way so she can pick up the pieces and get on with living.)]

Edited 2013-03-10 17:08 (UTC)

[ Nikolai's mask isn't one of happiness; that is, at least, something he can be grateful for. ]

Stupid people don't make good soldiers.

[ He is also much practiced at hiding. ]

No? [he quirks an eyebrow, and she ignores the way her skin crawls with how wrong this attitude feels now, but it's better than seeming vulnerable.]

I figured they just got used for canon fodder.

[There is a hint of - something, anger, a little pain, under the mocking way she says that. Gang wars aren't the same as other wars, but they still have the same principles, and she remembers what canon fodder looks like once it's served it's purpose.]

Cannon fodder don't get to come back angry and kill bastards in charge for letting them get killed.

[ He quirks a smile at that, because it's true. Nikolai knows well enough what cannon fodder is. He knows collateral damage. He is both and neither at the same time.

Mob wars don't just involve mobsters. An unfortunate fact of the world. ]

They do if they don't realize what they are.

[She's seen people angry at the Initiative, yes, and heard about a few incidents of violence, but overall people seem to be rather accepting of their circumstances. They'll fight and kill (which still leaves her with a bad taste in her mouth) and die for the Initiative without questioning it.

After finding out the Intiative had sent children on missions, she'd been ready to kill the bastards in charge, as it were, but had decided it better not to make enemies of people who have so much control over her. But that doesn't mean she's accepted this.]

Or if they think they're dying for a just cause.

[That ones a little trickier, personally, but the conflicted feelings she has about it isn't betrayed in her tone, or her expression.]

[ He lights another cigarette to delay time. ]

You think it is worth dying for people around here? [ A sharp smile from behind the smoke. ] For people who are scared of you and who don't ask before making you fight for them?

[Her mood is settling a little, but she still laughs at that, only sounding a little bitter. The whole point of vigilantes is to put their lives on the line for anyone, regardless of whether they're scared of her, or whether they make her fight.

That doesn't really help her with responding to the question, though.]

There are worse things to die for.

[Flippant, and pretty blantly avoiding an answer, even there's some truth in what she says.]

Da. [ Just as flippantly: ] Plenty of worse things to live for as well.

[ It is easy to die; far too easy. But living- living is difficult. There's too much meaning. At least in death, there is oblivion. ]

[This really is one of the strangest conversations she's ever had. But it's... also one of the more fascinating ones, and while she tends to be generally dismissive of criminals, she's fairly impressed by Nikolai.]

You know that from experience?

[She doesn't expect an honest answer, but the way he lies could be just as interesting.]

[ He doesn't lie. But neither does he tell the truth. ]

You asking because you have experience? [ He raises a hand, half-waves it in the air. ] Because, ah, it 'strikes a nerve'?

[That probably shouldn't amuse her as much as it does, but playing this game can be fun. Her smile is almost indulgent, a silent I see what you did there, but I'll let you get away with it for now]

Maybe I'm just curious. [Or maybe it's a bit of both.] Why don't you answer first?

[And then she'll answer, fair trade? Though she's still not expecting much.]

[ Almost like a kid (because why not:) ]

Nyet.

[ Whether it is 'no, I won't answer first', or 'no, I don't know from personal experience'- well, it's up to her to decide. ]

You're not a fan of straight answers, are you?

[She's going to take it as the former unless he specifies otherwise, if only so she doesn't have to answer in turn.]

Straight answers are easy answers. [ Lopsided smile. ] Very boring.

[She won't argue that, though she does generally prefer straight answers.]

You remind me of a man I knew. He talked in riddles.

[Quite... literally. It's not just the lack of straight answer that puts her in mind of Eddie, the sense of humour makes her think of him, too.]

[ Another cloud of smoke towards the screen. ]

I don't talk in riddles.

[ Which is true. Riddles are obviously riddles; obviously tricks. They have answers - a single answer you need to solve. They are, effectively, too straightforward. ]

Never said you did. [She lifts a shoulder in a lazy sort of shrug.] I just said you remind me of someone who does.

[a beat; and her smile is almost playful.] I think I like you better, though.

[Which is clearly a sensible thing to say to a man like Nikolai.]

p Clearly. Nikolai takes another drag. ]

From being suspicious to liking in one conversation. You always change mind so quickly?

[ Sounds mocking, but is a warning. ]

I can be suspicious and like someone.

[She treats almost every friendship like that; just because she likes someone doesn't mean she isn't expecting them to fuck her over eventually.

Tim did. Cass left. Babs is - Babs.

And they're the people she loves. It's even easier to do both with someone she simply finds interesting.]

[ You can smoke in the screen again. ]

Very wise for you to do that. [ Pause. He lets the smoke clear. ] Where did you learn to do that, dyevochka?

[The smoking is kind of annoying, if only because it makes a good stall tactic (she knows the value of taking time, occasionally) and she doesn't have one of her own at hand.]

At home. [A small smile,, amused, and whether she means 'back in her universe' or literally in her home isn't clear.] You ask a lot of questions.

[It's said like a simple observation, without any indication how she feels about it.]

[ 'At home'. It makes sense to him. Nikolai wonders why is it that there are so many worlds in which children are made into soldiers- and he laughs mentally at himself because it's better to be soldiers than be what he became at her age.

At least as a soldier, you have a purpose beyond purely survival.

(Whether that is true objectively or not, he has no idea.) ]

Da. I do.

[ So what is she going to do about it. ]

oo1; voice + video

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