voice.

[theguideless]

[a testing sound, a little huff of an exhale, and a lapse into quiet. he's hesitant.

but:] Did they say anything about this? Everyone changing...Last time awful things were happening, they said they were working on it. Things got better.

I'm...not very good at using this. Did I miss it? It's... [slight pause. his tone gets gradually more distracted:] It's going to change, like before. And every time we get sent someplace different, something else happens...

[beat.

WAIT:] I meant the Initiatve people, I'm sorry. [a quick, wincing pause. apologies....] They're who I meant should have said something.

Comments

[whatsupcroc]

The feeling of being conflicted? Or something else?

[theguideless]

[get this: ANOTHER delay! longer. peppered with a couple soft, nasally sounds of thought.]

It's like...I'm...[he's slow, putting it together.] two different people. Thinking two different things sometimes. I think two different things about...about some of the things happening. I know one is right, but...I don't know if the other is wrong.

[slight pause.]

And I don't think...I don't know if that's what people are supposed to be like.

[whatsupcroc]

( She sort of expects delays when talking with Martin. She's not sure what sort of right answer there is here, if there is one, but if it's a question about what people are like? )

If you ask me, I think it is. I'm not sure if everywhere's got a saying for that stuff, but my mom probably would have said that's being of two minds about something. As for the right and wrong, who knows? It's like answers can be degrees of better and worse without needing to be right or wrong all the time.

[theguideless]

[Collette: wellspring of really good-sounding answers. and Martin believes them, faintly relieved. so he's not being too much of a weirdo about this? that's...that's good. that's a start.]

"Two minds about something"... [...yeah. yeah, that does sound like a thing.] I think that's it, then. I think.

[whatsupcroc]

( Let's just hope she's not horrifically wrong or only paying half attention. )

I think that's definitely the case. Which isn't so bad, if it leaves your head all muddled for a while. It'd be easier if the answers were always clear and simple.

[theguideless]

[with a weary breath of a laugh:] It would be, I think...Though...[hm.] Well, I don't know.

[whatsupcroc]

( She smiles, lost in all but tone, given their form of communication. )

What's making you hesitate?

[theguideless]

I guess I just...wonder if I should be so troubled at all. About...two minds, I mean. If that's how it's supposed to be? For normal people.

[a shaky breath. it's a little nervewracking to talk about, somehow.] If...maybe, in thinking too much about...thinking, that's. Not the right way to go about it. But I keep...thinking and thinking...

[whatsupcroc]

I don't know. Everyone's different, really. People like James, who's a friend of mine back home, he does a lot of thinking. And second guessing and weighing consequences and thinking about how things will play out and being responsible and taking things on that he doesn't need to, not really, but that he does anyway.

I guess that's a way of saying people are all different, so normal is all sorts of different for each person. You're not abnormal, if that's what you're worried about! Though if you want to talk about the things you think about, I think that's normal too, just like it's normal when you don't want to. It helps sometimes to figure out why you're thinking so many things. At least that's what I think!

[theguideless]

[a long pause.

with a helpless breath of a laugh:] This is more confusing than I ever thought it would be.

[whatsupcroc]

Welcome to being human! It confuses everyone. At least you're not alone!

[theguideless]

[a small sound, satisfied with that to some extent. but alone is pretty heavy in his mind at the moment...

absently:] Thank you.

[whatsupcroc]

You're welcome. I think.