Second Blood

[speakveryclearly]

[Today you have something different: Rather than a face peering into the camera, you have a full body view of a young woman standing to the left of the shot, with her right hand on her hip. Said hand glows bright white, like the rest of her body. If you haven't seen her before, she's probably a pretty surprising sort of freak to see when you turn on the communicator.

The center and right part of the shot are occupied by the wall, to which she's attached an off-white poster, landscape orientation, with the following written on it in large letters of bright green marker.

* As Your Potential Leader A Complete Stranger In All Senses
* Proposal To Further Factionalize Already Fractured Population
* Plans Will Only Be Revealed When Or Rather If Any Group Is Gathered
* Initiative Is Our First Enemy Rather Than The United Earth
* Conflict With Other Armies Also A Welcome Possibility

It's attached to the wall with a piece of clear tape on each corners and one in the middle of each long side as well. Close examination will note that it appears there is a second identically-sized piece of paper hidden under it.]

Hello, Transports. I'm Kanaya Maryam. Apart from those who saw my arbitrary self-introduction, you probably don't recognize me as anything but an alien interloper of an age you judge as inappropriate. Even though you have absolutely no reason to trust me, I'm going to ask you to do exactly that, because Exsilium has a terrible leadership problem.

[She's pointing to the second bullet now.] Lots of Transports have been trying to create an army out of members of Exsilium's already perfectly fine existing army. This hasn't worked up until now, but I am somehow absolutely certain that when I do this it's going to be totally different.

[Third bullet:] My plans are so fantastic that they have to be kept confidential and will only be revealed to members of the army once it forms - whom, by the way, I will accept and reject at my discretion even though my goal is to unite Exsilium.

Oh, and did I mention - [fourth bullet] - that I want to overthrow the Initiative first, even though we're fighting the United Earth. Because that's my intention, to fight the people who brought us together and control whether we even stay or leave, let alone go back in time.

And by the way, all the other armies that have already been forming - they're getting in the way of my plan, so we're also going to fight you if you go against us.

[Both her hands return to her hips as she stares at with her head cocked and her lips stretched thin.] Tell me, Exsilium, do you think that sounds like a good plan for anyone to execute? Especially if she's an alien, an undead, a "teenager" [finger quotes], or the like? Or would you advise me to stick with the perfectly good hundreds-strong army that we already have, and take it up with the administrators of the Initiative if I really insisted upon doing something. Perhaps would you go so far as to say that I sound... stupid? If so, that's good, because I have some appalling news for you, which I've just delivered wrapped in your planet's particularly loathsome form of verbal irony.

[In a sudden, too-quick motion, she reaches up with both hands to rip off the poster and reveal the paper underneath it, filled up entirely with these four words:

This Is Stupid
Stop

She neatly folds the old poster three times and throws it away in a waste receptacle off screen, and then stands up straight to address the camera again.]

It does sound stupid, because it is, and so do you. Stop.

[The video ends.]

Comments

[honkalypse]

[Gamzee drapes himself around Karkat, but uses one long arm to reach out and keep Kanaya from leaving. He's probably putting a little too much weight on the shorter troll, but he never was good at those things.]

Naw, Karkat, you're being all looking out for the care of me. Makes my pumpbuscuit get all gooshy.

But maybe you're being all a little too motherfucking strict down at us. Bitch got to be getting her fangs down in a troll sometimes.

[He pauses for a few moments, looking at Kanaya.]

Got to thinking, you'd be all up leadering out for her a new mealcolumn. So's she's not always sucking at this motherfucker so often. Better for every troll about in here.

[speakveryclearly]

[Not icon keywords. Not icon keywords. Not keywords not keywords not keywords not keywords--! (The very touch of her glowing hands #triggers him which is the #punch in the gut #he #forgets he gave #HER)

With both hands she tugs her tablet into her lap and sets about to writing the text thread with Painwheel.]

I can cut down in the interim. [If she doesn't want to operate on entirely full cylinders.] It's not as if... as if we're being sent on a mission properly any time soon anyway, given the way our schedules have been working out. [And considering she has no idea how to broach this topic with Equius - because if she doesn't want trouble she breaches this matter with him before Nepeta. Even though if she wants amenability that order is reversed.]

[crusthatecean]

[He doesn't really mind Gamzee's weight, even though it unbalances him a little. But he does curl his lip a little bitterly at the suggestion.]

Right, I'll ask over the network, and they'll all ask why I don't volunteer myself. Oh wait.

I don't want Kanaya starving herself, all I ask is that we not open up new scabs all over you.

[honkalypse]

But you motherfucking did, and the stone cold bitch got up and picky in here. They won't be getting no snapping on at you for what bitchsis did.

And we can be down with not opening no new places up for me to bleed at.

[And he considers it mostly settled now, but the position feels nice, so he rests his cheek on Karkat's head contentedly.]

[speakveryclearly]

[She raises an eyebrow at that.]

New scabs? Karkat. You would not have even needed to ask for that. I may be by some accounts a creature of brightness and sin, but I am also a creature of habit. [See? See how many times she has been biting him in the same areas over and over.]

[crusthatecean]

Well...keep it clean, at least. Let me put antiseptic on it when you finish.

[honkalypse]

We can be doing that for you, Bro. All you had to do was be asking at us.

[He's so relieved that this is solved. No more problems, right?]

[speakveryclearly]

There's decent antiseptic on Earth? You learn something new every day.

[crusthatecean]

It has to be better than nothing.

I'm trusting you on this one, but if anything goes wrong, your clown snack privileges will be revoked.

[honkalypse]

No things will be going down bad. Motherfucking cross my pumpbiscuit.

[speakveryclearly]

Of course.

[She mimes making a cross with her nail over his pumpbiscuit. ...at least Karkat will probably assume she is miming it.]

[crusthatecean]

Fine.

[Throwing his hands up]

Let the snacking commence, I am giving up all responsibility for this. But I'll see if I can't talk someone else into contributing.

[honkalypse]

[And that's that. All settled and everything motherfucking peachy. Gamzee pats Karkat's head once, and gives him a squeeze. Then gives Kanaya a growl that sounds almost playful.]

Wasn't being so motherfucking hard to sort out.

[speakveryclearly]

Almost enough to make you wonder why the three of us don't hang out together more.

[She's trying to sound almost playful but barely manages to not sound actively bitter.]