exsilium | 003

Entry tags:

003 - Text

so it seems its that time where they r bringing in new recruists and it got me thinking
how do they know waht ppl to being in?
* bring
i mean is it totally random and they dont even know wtf is being brought in
or is there throught proceess behind it?
also what if you are literally stoot in a group of ppl at the time and only 1 gets brought in
like hmm we have this cute guy w/glasses here who all sorts of knows how to shoot guns and has daily fighting practice w/robobs and animals
or the sweet girl thats heiress to an evil empire and survives all these assassinasstion attempts shed b so cool 2 have
or the evne hotter guy w/ rad ninja sword skills who a better fighter than anyboby weve seen who could build us deadaly robots
but no
screw them we will leave them all there
lets take that drunk girl right there who was dead just a min ago since she obvs has all the skills an winning army needs

so does anybody know at all
i mean mayeb it was mentioned before and i wasnt really lsitenign or something idk
* lisgtening
..
* listening
ha take that red squiggley line

i guess i just wondered why it was me that got brought here
and i miss my freinds :(

p.s. hi 2 all new peeps if id idnt say hi already

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

you never up and came, bro.
YOU CAME BUT IT WAS BEING A DREAM.
you weren't kicking realness.
AND YOU WERE ABSCONDED AND NOWHERE WHEN I
humans lie.
HUMANS GOT NO UNDERMOTHERFUCKINGSTANDING OF HOW THINGS WORK.
dangle all at your snout good things
THEN SNATCH THEM AWAY WHEN YOU UP AND DECIDE THEY'RE REAL.
hahaha
HAHAHA
isn't that just being the most funny thing for those motherfuckers.
THEY TOOK THE COLORS ALL AWAY.
stole in like sneaktheifs and made them up and poof away.
IF YOU'RE BEING REAL WHERE THE MOTHERFUCK ARE YOU AT?

ALL I GOT FROM THAT IS NICE TO SEE YOU, KARKAT, YES I AM STILL AN INSANE MURDEROUS TOOL.
CALM THE FUCK DOWN, ASSHOLE.
I'M AROUND 901 ROOM, WHERE ARE YOU? I CAN COME FIND YOU.

706
if you're not being real.
IF YOU'RE NOT THE MOTHERFUCKING REALEST MOTHERFUCKER

[That's all he sends, because he just needs to get rid of the white in his room some more. BRB painting.

When Karkat goes down, one of the bedrooms will have the door open, and smell a little...rank. And Gamzee will be smearing his own blood on the walls in the crazy mess of words and pictures in blood and paint (aww someone got him a paint set) all over. He's clearly been doing it since he arrived, because some is really old and starting to flake off. There's a pile in the middle of the room of random junk, and at least one monster head that may have resembled a goat once.]

[He's a little nervous, since he has all of five minutes of experience of how to be some crazy douchebag's moirail, and this Gamzee has had nine months to change even more than the Gamzee he knew. But Gamzee seems to want him around, which strikes him as a good sign.

He will go immediately down to 706, and will knock on the wall next to the door, but he won't bother waiting to be let in before coming inside. The smell and the blood on the wall and the pile that for all he knows could be filled with bodies makes him feel sick, it brings back really unpleasant memories. But his moirail needs him, probably, so he will deal with it.]

Gamzee, you couldn't have possibly gone the five minutes since I left without doing something vile?

Well, here I am. Do I seem real, and please answer that affirmatively before I get even more concerned for your mental state.

[The knock doesn't shake him out of the painting spree--he happens to be writing Karkat's name on a section of the wall. Repeatedly--and even the first question doesn't seem to startle him.]

Been a whole long time more than all that--

[It catches up and he turns. He looks actually surprised, but there's a bit of desperate hope in there. Gamzee is taller than Karkat would remember, and much thinner. His paint is smeared on carelessly, and the white is so thinly spread that it looks like a dirty pale gray. There are scratches and cuts, and a fresh mark on his arm that he's been taking the blood from. And a bite mark on his neck that, well, it's from Kanaya, and has been bitten over and over, and kept scratched open and bleeding in between. It's kind of a mess.

Gamzee stares for a very long moment, and then takes one step forward. Then another. He's shuffling, moving in an overly careful way like he expects a sudden movement or sound will make Karkat disappear, and when he gets closer he reaches his hand out. The motion is like someone stumbling in the dark putting their hands out to find the walls, and he has a moment of absolute shock that Karkat is real and there and alive under his hand.]

Karkat--

You're a mess.

[He'll take the hand in his and give it a squeeze, obviously awkward and nervous. After talking with Kanaya, he doesn't think showing up and immediately acting like a moirail is a very good idea, but seeing this pitiful trainwreck makes him really want to grab Gamzee and force feed him and shove him in the ablution trap.

Before he can do any of that kind of thing he needs to understand what Gamzee needs and even wants from him.]

Can we talk now?

Karkat. You're YEAH WE CAN you're motherfucking REAL can get our chat ALL ON YEAH.

[Sorry Karkat, in some ways he's even more crazy than in canon and trying to say two different sentences at the same time never works out. He laughs, a short honking bark of a sound, then subsides and laughs again. And again. And again until it builds up into an uncontrollable display. He's happy and deliriously so, but at the same time there's something in the sound that's off. Almost like if he didn't start laughing he'd start crying instead. This meeting is as painful as it is good.

Inside a part of him is gibbering in terror that if he lets this feel so good, Karkat will just up and disappear. Because that always happens.]

[Well, he may be acting like a psycho, but at least he isn't trying to murder anyone except his wall, and the scars he's lacking show that he's different. Maybe still just as dangerous, he can't know, but he hasn't killed Nepeta, and this isn't the Gamzee he calmed down.

What that means for the timelines and how involved he should be with this Gamzee is sort of disconcerting, but fuck it, he is here, he's not going to think about it.]

Okay, you seriously need to stop honking at me, it makes me want to rip out my aurical clot stems and throw them out the window.

Listen. Kanaya said you've been here about a perigee, and for perigees before that you were in some other awful place. Can you tell me what the last thing you remember before showing up in any sort of human place was?

[To his credit he does quiet down and try to stop. He can't help little bursts here and there--almost like nervous laughter--but he's obviously trying.]

YOU-- [And he does make an effort to keep the volume down too.] were all getting on up from your nap like a grouchy little motherfucker. And I had to up and get my move on so I was and--

[He trails off. There was a little more but it's foggy and he can't remember.]

Okay.

[Tense, trying to figure this out, but keeping his voice calm out of hopes it will keep Gamzee calmer.]

How long have you been off sopor?

[He doesn't like this topic, flinching back and fidgeting. He ends up clawing the bite mark on his neck again, until the scabs come free.]

Motherfucker's all gave me a 'coon. Kept that shit motherfucking full for a while but then they up and made the kitchen disappear. Stopped up and filling the 'coon after.

Got themselves up to taking that away too. I-- before here. Bitchsis would be up to keeping the motherfucking dates.

[Grabbing his hand and trying to tug it off his neck.]

Don't pick that. I'll ask Kanaya later, you've been without it at least a perigee, that's all I needed to know.

[Fidgeting awkwardly.]

Then if you don't have sopor, do you have a moirail? Or anything to keep you calm.

[And there he goes off like a raging rocket. He snarls and yanks himself back, clawing and lashing out violently at random objects or anything that gets close.]

LIES. MOTHERFUCKING FAKEY FAKE LIES. Got her up to pretending because the motherfucking bitch thought it was being right. COLD AND FAKE AND NOT BEING NO GOOD WAYS.

Humans lie, best friend. MOTHERFUCKING GOT NO UNDERSTANDING. Say and do things at a brother what should be pale. SAY AT ME THOSE THINGS. But then. MOTHERFUCKING THEN ALL DENYING PALE IS UP AND REAL. All for the human bitch he was being flushed up for not. NOT--

Then the motherfucker up and left. POOF MOTHERFUCKING GONE.

[Wow, okay.

When he goes off like that, Karkat will immediately back off to get out of mauling range. But once he has a good idea of what Gamzee is doing, he'll come forward again and reaching to put his hand on Gamzee's face. So much for taking this slow, but he can't let him ruin his respiteblock or start self-destructing.]

Shoosh.

You need. To calm the fuck down.

[And he stops, just like that. Like that point of contact freezes every muscle in his body. He's trembling, shaking with rage and hurt and more than a little fear, but makes no attempt to even lower his arm from the last aborted blow.

At least until Karkat speaks. He lowers his arms to his side, head bowed for a moment, almost leaning into the touch, and then he looks up and nearly screams.]

NOW YOU'RE GOING TO UP AND GET GONE TOO! MOTHERFUCKING don't

don't--

[Because they always leave. Always.]

Shoosh.

[He says it again, and paps his face for good measure.]

This is how it's going to be. I'm going to shoosh your worthless clown ass to fucking conciliatory nirvana, and then we are going to kick the shit out of moirallegience. If you want that, it's your choice, but it isn't your choice to calm down.

And I'm not going anywhere, dumbshit, not if I can help it.

[He doesn't say anything right away, just breathing in ragged, uneven gasps. His hands are clenched into fists hard enough to drive his jagged nails into his palms but slowly, slowly they unclench. His eyes are wide and uncertain, and his voice comes out small and barely a whisper.]

...really mean that? Get down with all promising?

I promise. If it's under my control at all, I won't leave you. I can't exactly promise when it comes to being suddenly transported across universes against my will, but this is the best I can do.

[He relaxes a little more, shoulders sagging and his head dropping. His hands are listless at his sides and the only thing that keeps him from flopping ragdoll all over the floor is his locked knees--and even that doesn't look like it'll stay a sure thing.

He sounds tired, not just physically but mentally and emotionally.]

You didn't come. Got all kinds of waiting for you. Best friend will come, I told at me. Best friend will come bring all the wicked understandings. Get down all on those motherfuckers what hurt us and be good again.

You never came.

I'm sorry.

[He really does look like he means it; it's not exactly something he had control over, or was aware was happening, or occurred in his timeline, but he still can't help feel guilty hearing that.]

I'm really sorry. Not just for that, for a lot of things.

[And he just lurches forward. It's almost a spastic movement and he really doesn't quite know what he's doing. It's supposed to be a hug, but he holds too tightly and doesn't seem sure where to put his arms.

Up close he smells like a sick-room, blood new and old, stale sweat and a faint mustiness of poorly washed clothes.]

Couldn't get my mad on at you long, Karkat. Best motherfucking friend.

[He'll hug him back, ignoring the awkwardness and the smell besides a vague conviction to force him to take a shower.]

I know, I know. I'm here for you now, at least. Okay?

Okay.

[The tension is bleeding out of him and his hold isn't quite so painfully tight. Slowly, he is relaxing and calming down.]

Don't be letting them take the color. Keep your lookstubs all wide up for that.

[Calm, yes. Lucid...well. He's working on it.]

The walls? Painting with your blood is going to stop, it's disgusting. There's a thing called paint.

[Said in a more soothing tone than a harsh one.]

Not what I can find. Fish sister up and got what I have.

[And that paint set is all but gone already. But he says that softly, almost dreamy. Being so relaxed after so long tense in one way or another is good. He actually feels like he could sleep and actually maybe even rest.]

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