exsilium | [001

[Oh hello there, Exsilium, have the face of a bright-eyed girl that looks way too excited to be here. It seems after much technology abuse and generally failing at turning it on, she finally gets the video working! Success ~~for a failure~~]

Don't worry, fellow kidnapped people of Exhelium! [That's 'Exsilium', Maya] You don't have to explain everything, I've got it aaaaaall figured out. In fact, I'm an Ace Explainer myself, so just sit back and let me break it down for you, Maya-style!

We're in future England! [This is probably the only fact she's gotten right, but-] Brought here by the United Earth people because they're being oppressed by the Initiative! [And then there's a pause for some very Deep and Philosophical Thoughts. ...Not.] ... I bet it's the tea. England's known for its tea, you know? Anyone would be jealous of that selection!

... But anyway, we've been brought here because we've got to go into the future to change the past! It's just like that movie with Mikey K. Box, except with tea on the line as well as time! [WHAT WAS IT CALLED AGAIN..... Oh, well]

But more importantly than all of that.... I have a question. [SUDDENLY SERIOUS? Look, she's even leaning into the camera all dramatically] A question that will change the fate of the entire world! [Whatever's left of it] Well, mostly me right now, but for everyone's sake, I need an answer!

[There's a long, long pause as she stares intently into the camera. And then:]

Where's the nearest burger joint? I'm starved! And if we're really in the future they must have invented a way for burgers to be even more delicious! Right?

[... And then there's a brief flash of embarrassment, and when she continues she's a little more low-key] ... Um, and how do I get to the housing place? Unit... 406, I think?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Wow. Is this girl a universal constant or something?

A dumb universal constant.]

If we have casualties of war, I bet you'll be the first to go.

[RUUUUUUUUUUDE]

Did I get dropped into jerktown or something?

You don't even know. Stop being a dunce, I know you're smarter than that.

[....Wait, what]

J-Just what is that supposed to mean?!

It would take someone moderately intelligent to present that kind of idiocy to be laughed at by everybody, right? [how that even makes sense I don't know]

[What is this conversation even. Didn't you start it off by telling her she'd be the first to die??]

Are you trying to insult or compliment me here?! [MAKE UP YOUR MIND RIN]

I'm just hoping you'll show some actual sense!

I have plenty of sense!

Then quit acting so stupid.

I'm not---

W-What's it to you, anyway? You don't even know me!

Aha, so you admit you were playing idiot?

Answer the question! [CREEPER]

Which question?

W-What's with you? Why are you making such a deal over this? [Not her question, but hey]

I don't have a job yet, so I don't have a lot that's better to do.

[... HONEST, YES.]

So you're picking on me instead? [... Yes, honest. But still r u d e]

Come on, there must be something else to do!

I bet you'll have a hard time finding a job, acting like that.

The joke's on you, 'because I'm already a spirit medium!

.... In training.

.. Why would you get a job here, though? Aren't we supposed to be warriors and stuff? Super agent spy soldiers? [WHAT.]

... Do you have a job?

Because you don't get paid a lot for being a super agent spy soldier. Anyway you need an actual job, not a pretend job you make up in your mind.

I told you I didn't have a job! Aren't you listening?!

Oh yeah, you did say that! [... Not fully, no.] I was just testing you!

And I just told you my actual job! [JERK!!!!] And I'm a defense assistant, too!

Edited 2012-08-13 05:38 (UTC)

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