Entry I | Video

[andhishat]

[The screen is black for a long moment, though the speakers seem to be working, passing along the soothing and lovely sound of someone banging their finger against a spot too near the microphone. Finally, though, the camera blooms to life, and give those watching a great look at the massive brown eye being shoved right up against the camera. A young woman’s voice is again too close to the mic]

Honestly, whoever enchanted this thing is a master artist. I can’t even detect a hint of magic around it, and yet it seems to be working just fine. I’m not sure why they made it look like a flat brick and not a proper crystal ball or mirror is beyond me.

[She sighs, pulling back slightly to reveal a young woman with slightly pointed ears and exotic features who looks anywhere between 15 and 23]

Oh wait, right, that would require someone to become a powerful archmage without going so utterly mad that they start running around creating whatever pops into their heads. [She holds it back further and shakes her head.] At least it isn’t an owlbear.

So, am I to take it there are those out there who can hear me?

Comments

[andhishat]

Ah, but my old teachers said I had a gift for vivid pictures, right before they'd beg my guardian to let them gag me. Polar bear dogs? Well now, at least they're both mammals, but you say magic wasn't involved? I'd argue breeding doesn't work that way, but, well, [Lifts her hand to flick her ear] I'm living proof it does.

They have polar bear dogs, but no polar bears? Did the bears find the dogs so attractive they stopped breeding with each other?

[whatsupcroc]

Ah, the ears are real! So what does that make you?

[ She snorts, covering her mouth with one hand to pretend she's not smiling at the absurd idea. ]

Maybe the dogs were better friends than the male bears, so they all died off over time while the lady bears hung out with their new crowd. Who knows! We should ask Korra.

[andhishat]

I certainly hope so, I doubt I could get my gold back for them now! That would make me half elf, and half human, and all around trouble. [Not going to mention the part where she's half god. That just makes trouble]

We should, I'm finding myself very intrigued by this. [Beats thinking about how she just got drafted while she was already in the middle of a war] It would make sense, certainly male dogs are more charming than most male humans, elves, or tieflings I've met.

[whatsupcroc]

[ Ah-hah! Collette claps her hands together, excited at this announcement. ]

Half elf, half human! That's amazing! Is that why you're so pretty?

[ She wonders about the genetics of it all, belatedly realizing what she... said. Well, if she were aiming for rude statements, she's getting off to a great start! She waves a hand at the camera. ]

Not that it needs to be! We don't have actual elves where I'm from. We've just got elves in books and on television that are either pretty as you please, or short and squat and working for Santa Claus.

[ Just... stop... now. Laughing a little at the idea of male dogs as the most preferable companions... ]

I don't know, dogs are pretty sweet, but I don't know if I'd say they're charming. Devoted, totally. Drooly? They're champions of drool.

Like some guys I know, now that I think about it...

[ She looks off camera, contemplating this thought with exaggerated care. ]

[andhishat]

[She grins back, clearly highly amused by this development. Though she has to hide a little flush at the pretty comment.]

Oh no, that's just due to years of clever planning.

[As rudeness goes, Colette is nowhere near some of the jerks she has to deal with daily, so she waves it off.]

No elves? But then who do you get to act snooty and high handed at you? [She loves elves, some of her best friends are elves, but they can be prats] I believe ours are the former sort. Is Santa Claus some sort of Archmage or warlord?

Well, you just have to learn to appreciate their own unique style of charm. Once you get in the right mindset, drool can be downright romantic.

[Compared to her admirers it certainly is.]

Sounds like we've been meeting men from the same pool.

[whatsupcroc]

[ Ah, she's glad her new friend (...) doesn't seem to take exception. Collette grins and laughs lightly at her comments. ]

Oh, we have the rich, the entitled, the famous -- you don't need another species just to have a bunch of people decide to look down on you.

[ Which either doesn't bother her, or bothers her in a way she chooses to hide. ]

Santa Claus? Hahaha, no way! He's not an archmage, if he does his job using magic, and he definitely isn't a warlord. He's a story we tell kids about, this big guy in a red suit who brings all the nice children toys one day of the year, and leaves all the naughty children coal.

[ Because that makes sense. ]

Romantic drool? I don't think I'm buying what you're selling. Unless someone's really into kissing you... no that is still just totally gross, I'm sorry.

[andhishat]

My goodness, that seems terribly efficient of you. Though I doubt the elves will want to give up their niche.

[She makes no secret her feelings for the entitles and pretentious]

What an odd tale to tell children. [She tilts her head slightly to the side.] We have gift giving festivals, but they are tied more to seasons than behavior.

[Though if they did they'd probably have stuff like the Krampus, and it'd be real. Friggin fantasy.]

Yes, that does sound rather gross. [She bets Anomen drooled.]

[whatsupcroc]

Doesn't it? Totally not anything worth wasting time on! Things should be either exciting, intense, or amusing. Bonus points for all three at once! Oh, and thrilling!

[ That's entirely sensible and achievable.

Also a topic diversion, since there's nothing about that which she's applying to other people, more life in general. ]

[andhishat]

Well now, exciting and intense I've had plenty of. Enough that I'm finding myself yearning for a nice boring vacation.

[whatsupcroc]

I bet they have paperwork that needs to get done here. That'd almost fit in with boring, if I'm not so sure about the nice. Train the mind, train the body?

[andhishat]

I spent the first twenty odd years of my existence living in a library dedicated to the collection of every text ever written. No amount of writing can scare me now.

[whatsupcroc]

I can't tell if I'm horrified and bored at the idea or really wishing I could see that place myself. Hey, did they have any decent autobiographies from explorers? Cave spelunkers, or anything like that?

[andhishat]

Oh yes, there were plenty of accounts of explorers and adventurers, discovering new lands, slaying monsters, delving into forgotten caves and dungeons in search of treasure.

Having done a bit of adventuring myself now, though, I have to admit some don't give a complete picture of the experience.

[whatsupcroc]

NO, but it's still something! You've got to let your imagination fill in the blanks, you know? Even if you gloss over some of the not so fun details. Like bugs. No one writes about the bugs that don't bite and just fly up your nose or anything.

[andhishat]

No one also goes much into what it's like to share a campsite with several men who haven't bathed in weeks. Still, I suppose 'Day 3, I contemplated encasing my traveling companions on blocks of ice until they can be deposited in the nearest river,' would not make for exciting reading.

[whatsupcroc]

It's even crazier when I think about how people used to try to not bathe for years because they thought it'd kill them. How did anyone stand smelling anyone else?

[ She wrinkles her nose in sympathy. ]

So far the water here in the future seems okay. Uh, the water here in the Hold, that is, not really trusting what I saw out on the river.

[andhishat]

Used to? That sounds like most villages I pass through.

[Downside of being from a medieval world on the cusp of the Renaissance] I'm simply fortunate the monks and my companions appreciate the value of bathing.

I've never seen running water like this outside of a major city. I may have to get a look at the designs for the city around my home. That might improve the odor.

[whatsupcroc]

No offense, but your world sounds so... smelly.

[ Way to find the obvious, kiddo. ]

I bet you an find electronic books on city plumbing and sewage systems!

[andhishat]

None taken, it is. You mostly get used to it, but a heightened sense of smell is one of the legacies of my mother I could have done without.

Electronic...books?

[whatsupcroc]

Yeah, electronic books! Franziska told me all about them!

[ Franziska said next to nothing about them. ]

They're whole books on things like our little laptops here, the ones we talk to each other on!