[Kaworu knows that this is coming, and if he were honest with himself, he craved that peacefulness that he knew he could get from Blue, with no effort. But as it flows into him, the floodgates inside begin to give way. Something amazing begins to happen. A hot, unbearable sensation starts to rise behind his eyes and blur his vision.]
...Blue......
[he swallows. this can't be what he thinks it is, so he closes his eyes. but it only causes tears to begin to drip down his cheeks.
It's all there for Blue to see for himself. Kaworu's unmeasurable pain when Nageki died in the June epidemic. His struggle with what to do with his rage, and his realization of the possibilities. He was born to eradicate humans, and even without Lilith here to merge with, he could cause immense damage to the UE's heavily technology-dependent infrastructure. It felt so obvious at the time - and his failure to have waited so long surely allowed Nageki and the others to die... His confidence as he left for the mainland, and the way it was almost immediately shattered when he was discovered there.
Helplessness while he was there. No escaping. His AT Field didn't work. The incredible wound to his ego and his identity. For the first time, he was without any power to determine his own physical integrity. Scientists coming and going without words. They discovered that he could heal his body and ignore pain, and the experiments started. Completely sterile interaction.
He'd be there forever. They would never let him go... and he lacked the power to leave. Him, Tabris, Adam's sucessor, a child born to allow his parent's soul to reclaim what was his from interloper humans, subjugated to such indignities.
But knowing that he had subjugated himself even before... How childishly he had enjoyed the warmth and comfort of living as a Lilim. He cast away his purpose to chase a pitiable, beautiful boy, only to want to snatch it back to avenge his pathetic new attachments. He is a fool... every part of him, human and angel, disappointed.
Kaworu takes in a sharp breath. It sounds closse to a sob. If it weren't so overwhelming to show Blue these things under the umbrella of affection he was providing, he would be immensely fascinated by these tears.]
oh god lets see how long this is when I hit post
...Blue......
[he swallows. this can't be what he thinks it is, so he closes his eyes. but it only causes tears to begin to drip down his cheeks.
It's all there for Blue to see for himself. Kaworu's unmeasurable pain when Nageki died in the June epidemic. His struggle with what to do with his rage, and his realization of the possibilities. He was born to eradicate humans, and even without Lilith here to merge with, he could cause immense damage to the UE's heavily technology-dependent infrastructure. It felt so obvious at the time - and his failure to have waited so long surely allowed Nageki and the others to die... His confidence as he left for the mainland, and the way it was almost immediately shattered when he was discovered there.
Helplessness while he was there. No escaping. His AT Field didn't work. The incredible wound to his ego and his identity. For the first time, he was without any power to determine his own physical integrity. Scientists coming and going without words. They discovered that he could heal his body and ignore pain, and the experiments started. Completely sterile interaction.
He'd be there forever. They would never let him go... and he lacked the power to leave. Him, Tabris, Adam's sucessor, a child born to allow his parent's soul to reclaim what was his from interloper humans, subjugated to such indignities.
But knowing that he had subjugated himself even before... How childishly he had enjoyed the warmth and comfort of living as a Lilim. He cast away his purpose to chase a pitiable, beautiful boy, only to want to snatch it back to avenge his pathetic new attachments. He is a fool... every part of him, human and angel, disappointed.
Kaworu takes in a sharp breath. It sounds closse to a sob. If it weren't so overwhelming to show Blue these things under the umbrella of affection he was providing, he would be immensely fascinated by these tears.]