speakveryclearly: Kanaya grinding her fangs, about to snap a wand in half; interestingly, jade lipstick and eye makeup. (Provoked)
Kanaya Maryam ([personal profile] speakveryclearly) wrote in [community profile] exsilium 2013-01-13 07:43 pm (UTC)

I was never pale for him.

[She says it almost looking to Gamzee at first anyway? Addressing both of them - Karkat the focus of her conversation, Gamzee the natural focal point for her. After this faltering she reanchors herself, straight to Karkat and increasingly angry. So this is what other people feel like when she meddles with them.]

What I was with him was alone. I'm sorry that you do not know what being that alone is like, but also not sorry because you do not want to know what being that alone is like. You have watched half your friends disappear. We watched literally all of them. Until we were the only ones left. We had nothing but each other which led to courses of action that never would have been taken were we any less agonizingly alone. [Her references to being so close to Gamzee at that point are spoken contemptuously.]

And if he wants you can find out what that's like. He can tell you all about it. That is literally the one good thing that the alpha timeline did for any of us: Sending you into his open arms. He doesn't have to be so alone he needs to come crawling to a sandy, pumpbiscuit-challenged monstrosity like me anymore. That's just great. It's pretty much the best thing that's ever happened to anybody I've ever known. I am so happy for you two. I'm glad to step gracefully aside now that he says you to be what I never could and never even wanted to be. If I've received no such substitute, that's just how troll serendipity has chosen to play for the moment, I don't really mind. Again, I have never felt pale for him. [Emotional fidelity more than physical is what matters to her, right.]

Just when you threaten the one thing that keeps me from eventually tearing out the throats of any troll I should happen to come across - that is where I draw the line, okay.

[WOW JESUS that went on way too long she feels a little bad now already and kind of folds her hands in her lap.]

That's just where I have to draw the line. I'm sorry.

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